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[jhcentrl]

I'm underappreciated. That's the way you all make me feel.

If it's my fault, raise your voice. I want to hear your side.

This is the most bullshit epiphany I've had in a long time. I mean, maybe I really am someone who doesn't accomplish anything. Ya know, cuz I didn't graduate from a four year institution in three years, move out on my own at the

Comments

[benchwarmer44]

No I never wanted bubble tea that badly, you really think I cared that much about getting bubble tea. Yea I said let's get bubble tea because I felt like you were making an effort towards being my friend and I was trying to reciprocate. I'm not friends with people for what I can get out of them, as you have clearly stated in the past as how you assess friendships. Take a second to think twice, why in the world would I want to be friends with you that badly? With anyone for that matter?

secondly, you can post that statement I made everywhere you want. Why? Because it's true. Not because I'm the shit, but because people know that although I'm really busy, I'll stop anything and everything I'm doing when they need me the most.

and yes, Stephen Lynch was dumb and boring, but I didn't complain about it until the next day after eveyrthing had happened. I sat through it and the only reason I said something the next day was because I was pissed. I drove round trip 40-50 minutes to hang out with you, not for bubble tea. You could have told me "I have to work so we can't hang out for very long" and I would have just rescheduled.

you asked in your post why you're so lonely and I gave you a geniune answer. You're not looking for friends, you're looking for people to make you feel better everytime someone pisses in your pond. i am an asshole and that's because it's the fastest way to weed out people who aren't ready for a real relationship. if you want someone to butter you up all the time, i'm the wrong fucking guy for the job.

[jhcentrl]

Eddie, I made an effort towards helping you out with your problems. I try to be as beneficial to people as much as possible, no matter on what level they may be with me, because, just as you say, I assess people on what I can get out of them (how else are you supposed to get ahead in life)... and that's how I expect people to assess me. It's the mentor-apprentice system of doing things... learn from another's experiences.

It's the kind of people that you and I need in our lives. That's the way friendships are built... through trust in each others experiences and gaining knowledge through those experiences. It makes each and every one of us who do it become closer together.

As for bubble tea, I would GLADLY drive 40-50 minutes just to have bubble tea with a friend. God knows I've done shit like it 10-billion times. Check this out:

Just recently, for Kyle, I drove all the way down to Burien (equidistant from the U-District out to Bothell) DURING RUSH HOUR to Kyle's parents house. So that's a good... 2 hours... round trip. For what reason? Oh yeah, I let his dogs out because he couldn't get there that day. Did I complain about it? No. Did I gain anything out of it? Maybe some taquitos and a soda in exchange for a metric fuck-ton of wasted gas money. Did I have fun? Nope, it was rush hour... but I did it because he is my friend. I also came out with a sense of happiness knowing that I helped him out. I didn't whine at him for wasting 2 hours of my life.

Another time (and you'll love this one), I took a ferry all the way to Bremerton (that's an hour and a half after bus ride), gotten a ride all the way to the other side of town just to have coffee with a friend I haven't seen since high school. It was about 30 minutes... afterwards I stopped and picked some stuff up at Wal-Mart and came all the way back to Seattle. All in one day... oh and it was raining too. Pouring rain. So, I guess I wasted a whole day just to see someone for 30 minutes. If you can't just go and have bubble tea one time with a person without complaining about how you wasted 40-50 minutes of driving, that's all you. It's that part of "going out of the way for someone".

It's fair for you to be an asshole and be guarded when it comes to friendships. I never expect you to try and butter me up for any particular reason. You're too busy worrying about your relationships with hardcore christian girls as well as your friendship/business relationship with James.

I, on the other hand, am not looking for people to butter me up when I'm down. I'm looking for people to make me happier when I'm already happy. If I'm down, I think sympathy helps a lot (like Stefanie did, and it helped a lot), but I want people to recognize my accomplishments just as I do with others.

When I worked my ass off this weekend and had people in other departments, people I don't even know, people I met for the very first time coming up to me congratulating me on a job well done... I realized that not many people outside of the workplace do that and that is what frustrated me.

I'm just curious... how many people recognize and congratulate you on your accomplishments?

[benchwarmer44]

i gotta go to bed in a sec so i'll be brief but a couple of important points. the first is that, while it's great you're willing to go out that much out of your way to do stuff for other people, you should be conscious about where the line is drawn. I can kind of understand the thing with Kyle, I would do that for my closest friends, but I would definetely tell them they better make sure their other options are exhausted first. With the other person, that clearly isn't something I would do, and it could be a matter of personal preference. I'll drive ito go see friends, but I measure it against time I'll be spending vs time I committ getting there. ie, if i drive an hour somewhere to see someone, i better be spending the better part of a day to see him/her. why should you have to go all the way to bainbridge instead of the other way around. it's because you're nice, but being nice often translates into getting wasted time and becoming a doormat.

in regards to the work thing, if i were you and people didn't live up to their responsibilities, I wouldn't have done it for them. if you had no choice, then make sure those irresponsible people get whats coming to them. you've got to draw the line so people will know you won't stand up for their garbage. life gets easier when people know not to mess with you.

"You're too busy worrying about your relationships with hardcore christian girls as well as your friendship/business relationship with James."
- i'll let that one slide ;)

"I'm just curious... how many people recognize and congratulate you on your accomplishments?"

People who know me well don't congratulate me very often because it doesn't make me feel any better or any worse. it usually just annoys me because when i do a good job, i know i did a good job. if i messed something up, i know i messed up 110% but i gave it my best.

tangent - I read something in hbr by a CEO advisor and he said "When you become friends with the CEO, you lose your value." So, it's not to say that I don't want any friends. What the quote means is, as an advsior to a CEO, if you become his yes man and sugar coat quarterly reports etc, you're useless. I believe that's the same thing with friends and people, the moment you start agreeing with everything I say and do, you're not really being my friend anymore. Friends get angry at each other, they fight, they argue, and then they make up - the beauty of it is they become better friends for it. In a long convoluted sense, that is why I don't like compliments. They're sugarcoated, meaningless, and unconstructive. Unless it's from a girl. And if im going to get laid because of it. jk

so in short, people i know superficially congratulate me, but people close to me don't usually bother. it's not a reflection of me, it's a reflection of the type of people i'm friends with.