Don't eat at Subway
You want to know how Jared lost all of his weight? It wasn't because he was exercising. It wasn't because he was eating right, or because he had personal trainers. Hell, I'll even discount any theories about him getting lipo. You want to know the real secret to Jared's weight loss plan?
It was the hours he spent with his head bent over a cold ceramic toilet bowl hauling his guts into it! Ingesting poison is a great way to drop a few pounds here and there when you end up throwing it all up. The segway into my wonderful tale of lunch this afternoon...
I've had bad experiences at Subway before. Be it lousy food, not so nice employees, to nasty ingredients or a dirty store. I didn't listen to my own advice today. If I have rotten experience at a restaurant, I usually vow not to go back. I've given the fast food chains the benefit of the doubt before and figured that they've improved their food and it'll be better this time. Word to the wise: If this is something you've told yourself before, listen to that inner voice. Fast food is the abusive relationship in which you tell yourself "It's different this time. They've changed, I know it. It'll be okay" That shit is gonna kill me someday. Okay, back to the story.
So I decided I'm going to go back to Subway, after I've realized how much bullshit is in their "it's healthier for you" slogans. I get me a sandwhich with some Ham, Turkey and Roast beef with all the veggies. Normally some good shit, only this time something's slightly off. After picking apart half the sandwhich and taste testing each different ingredient I asked them to throw in (why the hell am I doing this anyways? I'm important enough, I need someone to taste test my food to find the poison for me!), I'm discovering that the "slightly off" taste was coming from the ham. Tess, I'm remembering what sbn said about not eating the "bottom feeders" from the low end of the food chain. Whatever the hell that pig decided he was going to shovel into himself from that trough, I've now got. Ham should taste like ham. Like meat. What it should NOT taste like is formaldehyde! This thing smelled completely pickled and about 5 days past the point of turning!
But I'm a polite customer at the places I go to. Did I run up to the counter and scream at them? No. Did I demand to speak with a manager and ask them if they'd enjoy being a prison bitch when the cops find out that they're killing off customers? No. I walked up, waited in line and told them that their ham was going bad, "just to let them know." I'm directed to take my complaint to the manager of the day. Yeah, she didn't seem to give two shits about their food. I'm a complaining customer, not someone trying to help them out. I'm told to go back up and they'll make me something new. Gee, what do I want them to make me? How about another ham sandwhich? Can we be any more stupid? If that manager lady had any I.Q. higher than that of the poor retard of a pig that got slaughtered to make that ham, she would have listened and, oh I don't know, removed the meat from the counter!!! Instead, I hear them talking behind the counter,
"What was wrong with it?"
"I dunno, they didn't like the sandwhich or something."
Wow. I know I shouldn't expect great things from such places, but you would typically think that when you drop a utensil at a restaurant, you put it in the sink to be washed. When you use the bathroom, you wash your hands before returning to work. When your food tastes like you asked your exterminator to please oh please spray some repellant on it to keep the bugs off, you replace the damn food! Guess I'm expecting too much. Expiration dates aren't always accurate, stores aren't always perfect and the customer isn't always right. But if you try and hold true to those theories with blind faith that your higher ups have given you everything your store needs and that, short of the pope blessing it himself, it is completely flawless, you're only hurting those customers.
I feel sorry for everyone who goes into that Subway after me. And if in the next 45min I end up with a severe case of food poisoning, you'll know where to find me. Bending over in the stall right next to Jared.