(no subject)
hello everyone. this is a perfect opportunity to just go crazy! i am going insane, i havnt felt like this for a while. i seem to be stuck and to be honest with myself it all seems to be because of my experience with that one bastard called intimacy. i lose myself way too often. i have this heart, this huge ass fucking heart thats so willing to let whomever that one special person may be inside. i guess its hard for me to accept mistakes, especially big ones that have to do with being so willing to love someone and have someone love me... i stopped working out, thats one of the biggest routines i had gotten into, im hoping that i get the courage to get back into it. im starting to think that the only reason i kept on going was to fool myself that i could perfect all these diffrent aspects of me, for what... umn as lame as it sounds, umn... for this one girl. i guess its just my timing. im not sure.
its really funny, umn so yesterday casey happened to stop by at outback to eat with this one friend of hers, her best friend... so she asks to sit in my section, too bad i wasnt open. i dont know why i like getting all this special attention from certain people. her hugs are still so magnificent, and i like her being a little childish, she seemed so happy, and i dont know why but she made me happy. i couldnt help but smile the whole time, i was probably blushing. i loved it. i should have just asked her out or something.
i could go off about my irresponsibility, but its all too much to get into, too much and too dumb, and just blah.
i havnt made much money lately, not nearly as much as im used to seeing, i dont know what to say about it... i used to think that your attitude had everything to do with the outcome. i dont know. tonight wasnt a bad night though. i guess the waitstaff at outback steakhouse lacks many things, that's why we have to have so many waiters scheduled. i got stuck in a section made up of an 8top and a 5top. i ended up leaving with 90ish, im so lucky, my last table dropped like 75 dollars, and after a 20, 12, and 10 dollar tip... it was all too nice, im thankful and im only hoping for more generosity among my tables because ive got too many money issues i need to take care of. and finally having over 300 dollars makes me feel so much more secure.
the other night my phone decided to fuck up ana called me, she oh so lost my phone number. i guess ill be nice and stuff and call her and see how shes doing. i miss her.
so what i look like has always been an occupation, though its not obvious due to my poor upkeeping. money, i fucking love it, so much its disgusting, though my reasoning is actually quite benevolant. im a good person, and a good friend. i like the idea of making a lot of money in order to tend to the many desires a a family could have, my ultimate happiness would have to be having this wonderful wife, and rasing a few kids of ours to best of our ability and just loving the hell out of them. thats my biggest goal, im lucky im young. i feel like a big loser right now, this just isnt what i figured id be doing right now. for some reason im no longer happy with my job, and for a while there i was considering many things. the marines was one of those. getting in the best shape of my life, being diciplined, trained to be good at something. i guess i looked at that option due to my laziness and unwillingness to fall out of this depressing rutine that i put myself in because of many diffrent thoughts revolved around failing to aquire this one love. i really enjoy listening to certain music that can fill me up with many diffrent things feelings thoughts and just a good sensation because of the words or beats/rythem. im supposedly kinda smart, thought i think ive lost much of that in the last couple of years. im not elaborate, or deep... im not artsy, though i love art and so many diffrent figures of self expression. im extremely neurotic, i obsess about umn everything. i like knowing random things, i dont put much attention to the things i should be putting attention towards, yeah im very irresponsible. quite cocky sometimes, i try to be as mature as possible, i love morols and ethics and certain philosophical talk. im somewhat charming... but overall just goofy, and i hardly get taken serious in many diffrent aspects i should be more serious about. i am a perfectionist at heart, and i like to do lots of introverted thinking, i like to expand my thoughts on charity and common good will. i wish i could be more peaceful, and happy. i seriously need to start caring more, and doing more...
i fucking love juanes right now. his last album "mi sangre" is just awesome.
amame, para tu amor.. wow. im taking a break from mana. its too bad i dont know where that cd's at.
so im going to write 2 essays now.
its really funny, umn so yesterday casey happened to stop by at outback to eat with this one friend of hers, her best friend... so she asks to sit in my section, too bad i wasnt open. i dont know why i like getting all this special attention from certain people. her hugs are still so magnificent, and i like her being a little childish, she seemed so happy, and i dont know why but she made me happy. i couldnt help but smile the whole time, i was probably blushing. i loved it. i should have just asked her out or something.
i could go off about my irresponsibility, but its all too much to get into, too much and too dumb, and just blah.
i havnt made much money lately, not nearly as much as im used to seeing, i dont know what to say about it... i used to think that your attitude had everything to do with the outcome. i dont know. tonight wasnt a bad night though. i guess the waitstaff at outback steakhouse lacks many things, that's why we have to have so many waiters scheduled. i got stuck in a section made up of an 8top and a 5top. i ended up leaving with 90ish, im so lucky, my last table dropped like 75 dollars, and after a 20, 12, and 10 dollar tip... it was all too nice, im thankful and im only hoping for more generosity among my tables because ive got too many money issues i need to take care of. and finally having over 300 dollars makes me feel so much more secure.
the other night my phone decided to fuck up ana called me, she oh so lost my phone number. i guess ill be nice and stuff and call her and see how shes doing. i miss her.
so what i look like has always been an occupation, though its not obvious due to my poor upkeeping. money, i fucking love it, so much its disgusting, though my reasoning is actually quite benevolant. im a good person, and a good friend. i like the idea of making a lot of money in order to tend to the many desires a a family could have, my ultimate happiness would have to be having this wonderful wife, and rasing a few kids of ours to best of our ability and just loving the hell out of them. thats my biggest goal, im lucky im young. i feel like a big loser right now, this just isnt what i figured id be doing right now. for some reason im no longer happy with my job, and for a while there i was considering many things. the marines was one of those. getting in the best shape of my life, being diciplined, trained to be good at something. i guess i looked at that option due to my laziness and unwillingness to fall out of this depressing rutine that i put myself in because of many diffrent thoughts revolved around failing to aquire this one love. i really enjoy listening to certain music that can fill me up with many diffrent things feelings thoughts and just a good sensation because of the words or beats/rythem. im supposedly kinda smart, thought i think ive lost much of that in the last couple of years. im not elaborate, or deep... im not artsy, though i love art and so many diffrent figures of self expression. im extremely neurotic, i obsess about umn everything. i like knowing random things, i dont put much attention to the things i should be putting attention towards, yeah im very irresponsible. quite cocky sometimes, i try to be as mature as possible, i love morols and ethics and certain philosophical talk. im somewhat charming... but overall just goofy, and i hardly get taken serious in many diffrent aspects i should be more serious about. i am a perfectionist at heart, and i like to do lots of introverted thinking, i like to expand my thoughts on charity and common good will. i wish i could be more peaceful, and happy. i seriously need to start caring more, and doing more...
i fucking love juanes right now. his last album "mi sangre" is just awesome.
amame, para tu amor.. wow. im taking a break from mana. its too bad i dont know where that cd's at.
so im going to write 2 essays now.