Refuge- Chapter 1: Satellite Heart
Title: Refuge (Chapter 1: Satellite Heart)
Author: jewelsavalon
Fandom: Doctor Who
Pairing(s): Doctor/Rose
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 1906
Warnings:Figure if it's aired it's not off limits. (Through entire 5th Season)
Notes: This is my first Doctor Who Fanfic, and the first fic I have posted online anywhere in over 5 years. No beta, and I really just wanted to get this story out here, because it just wouldn't let me be. This fic was great inspired by many things, but concepts in the film Inception definitely played heavily in my mind while writing this fic. However, this is not an Inception crossover...
Disclaimer: I only own the plot everything else belongs to the grand BBC...
Summary: The end of time, the end of the universe, the end of whatever- the Doctor is well used to it. And it seems he always finds Rose Tyler with him... She is his Refuge.
Some Time Later~
The gold light blinds and burns. The electricity she feels courses through her, and she feels the rush of the Earth under her feet. She sees the strands of time winding together and splitting apart, so that she knows exactly where it starts and where it ends and all the little veins beyond. So many wonders and so many things she could control. She can break objects to dust and bring them back to life.
And it frightens her. It scares her to hold so much power, and yet she can't let go, because if she does she looses him. But it burns, and she feels it surging out of her. She feels at once touched by his soul, to the point where she wonders if she'll ever be able to go back again. But he's gone as quickly as he came, and the gold light turns to white, as she forces herself to find him. Willing the connection to be there, between the two of them. It has to be, because it always will be. Because we always find each other at the end...
It's dark now, and she wanders through nothingness. But she sees him and for a moment all is well. A single solitary moment in time, she feels comfort. And then, as soon as it's come she's violently ripped to the present....
I wake with a start, my breath is so hard to catch and I feel a tightness in my chest. For a split second I wonder where I am and why there's a hand across my body. It rushes back, at once, and I snuggle into his embrace. Two weeks tomorrow, and it's still disconcerting to wake up next to him. In the moment, here and now, it felt so right to be here with him. He was solid and alive and breathing, with one heart beneath my hand. Nothing had ever felt more right. And yet, I knew this peace wouldn't last. When we were awake, he'd be at it again, asking me for the mortgage and forever, and as much as I want that with him, in my head, it's everything I want. But in my heart, there's something nagging at it. Something, that can't be released, as if I'm being pulled by something far outside of my control.
As he stirs next to me, I realize I don't want start a conversation with him. I close my eyes, and lay there muttering a slient prayer that he will go back to sleep or leave me alone. It isn't until he shifts out of bed, that I feel the bitter sting of tears in my eye.
~*~*~*~*~
The Doctor was worried about Rose. They had been back together for a 2 weeks-- well, relatively speaking, though if one were being honest, it was more exactly 13 days in Pete's world. The stolen planets, his "birth" and the incredible events that took place thereafter were as much a blur to him, as he supposed they were to her. And yet, he felt she was holding back a piece of herself. As if she didn't quite know how to respond when he fit his hand in hers. He wanted so much to just sweep her up in his arms. But as soon as they would get close to anything resembling real, she backed away quicker than from a Dalek.
At night, she would cuddle to him, and he wondered if it were possible (especially considering his former self's disdain for sleep) to wish to stay in bed forever. It was somewhere between twighlight and dawn that they found themselves. It was the space between, and the Doctor treasured it more than he could put into words.
So he was more than confused when during the day, she was aloof, and stand-offish barely grazing his cheek with a kiss. On the surface she didn't act like anything was wrong, she'd make excuses (she didn't feel comfortable with showing affection in front of Tony or Pete). He'd ask her to go house hunting with him, and she'd say something about being more comfortable here or not ready to pick a place out...
That's what Rose Tyler was these days, one giant enigma wrapped in excuses. She tried to hide the fact that she was sleeping restlessly. In the end he could not figure out how to fix this situation, and he didn't even think he could fake a plan. And that is what brings him to have the most candid conversation he's ever had with Jacqueline Andrea Suzette Tyler.
"You need to be patient with her Doctor," she said as she grabbed a kettle down and filled it with water for tea. "I remember when we first came here. You forced us here, you know, and we all had to adjust. You can't expect people to just jump back to where they were just because the face looks the same."
"I know that Jackie, believe me, I know. But it's not that, she wants to be close. It sometimes seems as if we're as close as we've ever been and then suddenly, it's as if a cloud has passed over her, and she's a million miles away from the here and now."
"Welcome to exactly what we dealt with after she was stranded here the first time around, Doctor." She poured his cup full of water, letting the tea steep. "I'm sure it's nothing. Crossing the Void plays with your mind. It gave me enough spooks the first time around, let alone this time."
"It's just this wasn't what I pictured. In any ripple I thought of, in any reality I dreamed of, I never once though we'd be this far." Running his hands through his hair, he looked up at Jackie, wondering why he was breaking down this way. But in the past two weeks, it was as if Jackie and he had called some sort of truce. And that almost worried the Doctor more than anything, because it meant that Jackie was doing it for a reason. And if the Doctor was clever, and he knew he still was- one heart or not, he knew the reason.
The reason, otherwise know as Rose Tyler, in pink pajama bottoms the Doctor felt were extremely familiar from times before, and yet much more grown up than the pink flannel bottoms with yellow ducks she would wear on the TARDIS.
"Mum, are you riling the Doctor up?" She asked, a smile between tucked right between her teeth, just the way she did. And for the briefest of moments he thought that maybe he was just imagining it all. Maybe, Jackie, just this once, was right, and there was absolutely nothing wrong with her.
"Nah- he's already riled up enough, apparently we don't have the right type of styling product here" Jackie crowed, winking at Rose.
"Oi, that's not funny, nothing is more important than well coiffed hair"
"Oh, hush Love, I think I've still got a bit that I nicked from the TARDIS before we left. I'll take it to the Torchwood lab for you, and see if they can't duplicate it for you."
"You're not going in today, are you?" The Doctor whined this. It was Saturday, and he was hoping to have her all to himself.
"Well, I needed to pop over to pick up a file or two," she puts two sugars in her tea, and the Doctor knows her movements so well, and it takes him out of the moment watching her prep her tea. For a second, he feels he's back at the "I'll be back before noon, I promise." She kisses him on the cheek and he's never felt less like her lover and more like an obligation. He hopes she never felt like that when he was the busy one, in charge and on the move. And that's what she is, constantly on the move, almost afraid the inertia of it all will leave her stranded. If only she realized he was afraid of that too.
~*~*~*~*~
Memories of him flooded my mind as I jumped into the front seat of my car. Whenever I'm around him, I get the feeling deep down that I'm cheating on him and it's ridiculous to think, because I'm not. I'm most definitely not. Not when he sent me back to be with him, not when I spent years with him, making some form of domesticity work, even when if it was in the skewed world of the TARDIS.
I shift the car into gear, speeding away from the house, from him, from the stares of my mum and the kicked dog look of the Doctor. In truth, I had to drive. I had to feel the some sort of movement, because I didn't know that we would survive the calm. Thankfully the estate was on the outskirts of the London countryside, and I sped down the country roads, imaging I was on the TARDIS, going anywhere I wanted, if only for a moment.
The countryside was gorgeous this time of year, and it made me wish I hadn't run away from him. I could have brought him with me, let him pick a point on the map, and we could just run away-together. Hand in hand. But I was being stubborn- for lack of a better word.
I wished I could explain it to him. That I had this nagging feeling that I was forgetting something. That there was something just right there, in the corner of my eye- trying to get my attention, trying to get me to recognize something. That every time he kissed me, I felt someone else's lips. That instead of his brown eyes, I sometimes saw blue. That I thought I might seriously being going crazy.
Instead, I felt cold and alone in this world. More so then ever before, now that Mickey was gone. I wasn't sure what to do with myself, I felt as if I had two left hands, neither good at working with the other, yet vitally important.
My dream this morning, it felt so real, and the power I felt- It was intoxicating and frightening in one solid swoop. The sand under my face, each grain a solid reminder that I was alive, cold and unforgiving was a welcome relief in what I was certain could not be real. But the darkness, what should have felt malevolent, was actually familiar and felt like a homecoming that I didn't understand. The thing is even when I was with him here, I felt so hopelessly alone and I had no idea why. I don't know why I can't be happy that he's here with me. I could feel the tears flow down my eyes again, as I wiped them from my face. Dammit, why couldn't I just be happy? But I knew why or at least I felt I did-deep down. Because when I woke there was always a whisper on the air-- remember me.
A horn blaring took me from my thoughts, the light streaming through the trees blinding me as I look up. I swerve, hoping to miss it and and remain on the road, but I feel my tires loose traction, and I send a silent prayer that this will all end well...
~*~*~*~*~
Chapter 2
Author: jewelsavalon
Fandom: Doctor Who
Pairing(s): Doctor/Rose
Rating: Teen
Word Count: 1906
Warnings:Figure if it's aired it's not off limits. (Through entire 5th Season)
Notes: This is my first Doctor Who Fanfic, and the first fic I have posted online anywhere in over 5 years. No beta, and I really just wanted to get this story out here, because it just wouldn't let me be. This fic was great inspired by many things, but concepts in the film Inception definitely played heavily in my mind while writing this fic. However, this is not an Inception crossover...
Disclaimer: I only own the plot everything else belongs to the grand BBC...
Summary: The end of time, the end of the universe, the end of whatever- the Doctor is well used to it. And it seems he always finds Rose Tyler with him... She is his Refuge.
Some Time Later~
The gold light blinds and burns. The electricity she feels courses through her, and she feels the rush of the Earth under her feet. She sees the strands of time winding together and splitting apart, so that she knows exactly where it starts and where it ends and all the little veins beyond. So many wonders and so many things she could control. She can break objects to dust and bring them back to life.
And it frightens her. It scares her to hold so much power, and yet she can't let go, because if she does she looses him. But it burns, and she feels it surging out of her. She feels at once touched by his soul, to the point where she wonders if she'll ever be able to go back again. But he's gone as quickly as he came, and the gold light turns to white, as she forces herself to find him. Willing the connection to be there, between the two of them. It has to be, because it always will be. Because we always find each other at the end...
It's dark now, and she wanders through nothingness. But she sees him and for a moment all is well. A single solitary moment in time, she feels comfort. And then, as soon as it's come she's violently ripped to the present....
I wake with a start, my breath is so hard to catch and I feel a tightness in my chest. For a split second I wonder where I am and why there's a hand across my body. It rushes back, at once, and I snuggle into his embrace. Two weeks tomorrow, and it's still disconcerting to wake up next to him. In the moment, here and now, it felt so right to be here with him. He was solid and alive and breathing, with one heart beneath my hand. Nothing had ever felt more right. And yet, I knew this peace wouldn't last. When we were awake, he'd be at it again, asking me for the mortgage and forever, and as much as I want that with him, in my head, it's everything I want. But in my heart, there's something nagging at it. Something, that can't be released, as if I'm being pulled by something far outside of my control.
As he stirs next to me, I realize I don't want start a conversation with him. I close my eyes, and lay there muttering a slient prayer that he will go back to sleep or leave me alone. It isn't until he shifts out of bed, that I feel the bitter sting of tears in my eye.
~*~*~*~*~
The Doctor was worried about Rose. They had been back together for a 2 weeks-- well, relatively speaking, though if one were being honest, it was more exactly 13 days in Pete's world. The stolen planets, his "birth" and the incredible events that took place thereafter were as much a blur to him, as he supposed they were to her. And yet, he felt she was holding back a piece of herself. As if she didn't quite know how to respond when he fit his hand in hers. He wanted so much to just sweep her up in his arms. But as soon as they would get close to anything resembling real, she backed away quicker than from a Dalek.
At night, she would cuddle to him, and he wondered if it were possible (especially considering his former self's disdain for sleep) to wish to stay in bed forever. It was somewhere between twighlight and dawn that they found themselves. It was the space between, and the Doctor treasured it more than he could put into words.
So he was more than confused when during the day, she was aloof, and stand-offish barely grazing his cheek with a kiss. On the surface she didn't act like anything was wrong, she'd make excuses (she didn't feel comfortable with showing affection in front of Tony or Pete). He'd ask her to go house hunting with him, and she'd say something about being more comfortable here or not ready to pick a place out...
That's what Rose Tyler was these days, one giant enigma wrapped in excuses. She tried to hide the fact that she was sleeping restlessly. In the end he could not figure out how to fix this situation, and he didn't even think he could fake a plan. And that is what brings him to have the most candid conversation he's ever had with Jacqueline Andrea Suzette Tyler.
"You need to be patient with her Doctor," she said as she grabbed a kettle down and filled it with water for tea. "I remember when we first came here. You forced us here, you know, and we all had to adjust. You can't expect people to just jump back to where they were just because the face looks the same."
"I know that Jackie, believe me, I know. But it's not that, she wants to be close. It sometimes seems as if we're as close as we've ever been and then suddenly, it's as if a cloud has passed over her, and she's a million miles away from the here and now."
"Welcome to exactly what we dealt with after she was stranded here the first time around, Doctor." She poured his cup full of water, letting the tea steep. "I'm sure it's nothing. Crossing the Void plays with your mind. It gave me enough spooks the first time around, let alone this time."
"It's just this wasn't what I pictured. In any ripple I thought of, in any reality I dreamed of, I never once though we'd be this far." Running his hands through his hair, he looked up at Jackie, wondering why he was breaking down this way. But in the past two weeks, it was as if Jackie and he had called some sort of truce. And that almost worried the Doctor more than anything, because it meant that Jackie was doing it for a reason. And if the Doctor was clever, and he knew he still was- one heart or not, he knew the reason.
The reason, otherwise know as Rose Tyler, in pink pajama bottoms the Doctor felt were extremely familiar from times before, and yet much more grown up than the pink flannel bottoms with yellow ducks she would wear on the TARDIS.
"Mum, are you riling the Doctor up?" She asked, a smile between tucked right between her teeth, just the way she did. And for the briefest of moments he thought that maybe he was just imagining it all. Maybe, Jackie, just this once, was right, and there was absolutely nothing wrong with her.
"Nah- he's already riled up enough, apparently we don't have the right type of styling product here" Jackie crowed, winking at Rose.
"Oi, that's not funny, nothing is more important than well coiffed hair"
"Oh, hush Love, I think I've still got a bit that I nicked from the TARDIS before we left. I'll take it to the Torchwood lab for you, and see if they can't duplicate it for you."
"You're not going in today, are you?" The Doctor whined this. It was Saturday, and he was hoping to have her all to himself.
"Well, I needed to pop over to pick up a file or two," she puts two sugars in her tea, and the Doctor knows her movements so well, and it takes him out of the moment watching her prep her tea. For a second, he feels he's back at the "I'll be back before noon, I promise." She kisses him on the cheek and he's never felt less like her lover and more like an obligation. He hopes she never felt like that when he was the busy one, in charge and on the move. And that's what she is, constantly on the move, almost afraid the inertia of it all will leave her stranded. If only she realized he was afraid of that too.
~*~*~*~*~
Memories of him flooded my mind as I jumped into the front seat of my car. Whenever I'm around him, I get the feeling deep down that I'm cheating on him and it's ridiculous to think, because I'm not. I'm most definitely not. Not when he sent me back to be with him, not when I spent years with him, making some form of domesticity work, even when if it was in the skewed world of the TARDIS.
I shift the car into gear, speeding away from the house, from him, from the stares of my mum and the kicked dog look of the Doctor. In truth, I had to drive. I had to feel the some sort of movement, because I didn't know that we would survive the calm. Thankfully the estate was on the outskirts of the London countryside, and I sped down the country roads, imaging I was on the TARDIS, going anywhere I wanted, if only for a moment.
The countryside was gorgeous this time of year, and it made me wish I hadn't run away from him. I could have brought him with me, let him pick a point on the map, and we could just run away-together. Hand in hand. But I was being stubborn- for lack of a better word.
I wished I could explain it to him. That I had this nagging feeling that I was forgetting something. That there was something just right there, in the corner of my eye- trying to get my attention, trying to get me to recognize something. That every time he kissed me, I felt someone else's lips. That instead of his brown eyes, I sometimes saw blue. That I thought I might seriously being going crazy.
Instead, I felt cold and alone in this world. More so then ever before, now that Mickey was gone. I wasn't sure what to do with myself, I felt as if I had two left hands, neither good at working with the other, yet vitally important.
My dream this morning, it felt so real, and the power I felt- It was intoxicating and frightening in one solid swoop. The sand under my face, each grain a solid reminder that I was alive, cold and unforgiving was a welcome relief in what I was certain could not be real. But the darkness, what should have felt malevolent, was actually familiar and felt like a homecoming that I didn't understand. The thing is even when I was with him here, I felt so hopelessly alone and I had no idea why. I don't know why I can't be happy that he's here with me. I could feel the tears flow down my eyes again, as I wiped them from my face. Dammit, why couldn't I just be happy? But I knew why or at least I felt I did-deep down. Because when I woke there was always a whisper on the air-- remember me.
A horn blaring took me from my thoughts, the light streaming through the trees blinding me as I look up. I swerve, hoping to miss it and and remain on the road, but I feel my tires loose traction, and I send a silent prayer that this will all end well...
~*~*~*~*~
Chapter 2