(no subject)

[jewelrycase]

an image keeps
popping up
into my head
and i know what it means.
its of jacob
and i
rock climbing
(of all things!)
he is ahead of me
not by much
and we keep climbing
how long
isn;t
so clear.
im doing well
and we are both
impressed.
then i begin to
slip
i knew we shouldn't
have gone.
he loves me and reaches
out.
neither of us want me
to fall,
but i do.
i keep slipping down
slower
than slow motion.
my hands are high
above my head
and flailing
i don't deserve to drop
but i know that
jacob deserves to
climb to
the top.
metaphorically,
i think we drove
for like
years
to get to this one mountain.
so i fall.
and jacob stops to cry.
this is pretty obvious i guess.
but it really
pops up
as this image.
of my arms flailing,
my body falling fast
and then jacob crying.
I have been scared before
regardless of my fears
that safety of
knowing lingered on.
and now,
im really scared.
i lost
6
pounds this week
all i did was get really sick.