[eunhyuk/donghae] dialogues of the sexless bone-creakers
dialogues of the sexless bone-creakers (and a few others) by catskilt
eunhyuk/donghae
pg-13; 1470 words
a series of conversations taking place on donghae's birthday.
written in a rush, and it shows ;__;
"Happy birthday."
"…That took you just fourteen hours to remember, I'm impressed."
"Bet you thought I forgot."
"Bet you did forget."
"Didn't."
"Did. I can see the lie in your eyes."
"My eyes are telling the truth."
"Which is that you forgot."
"Which is that I was trying to find a significant time to say 'happy birthday'."
"How is two p.m. a significant time?"
"It's not, I just figured that I'd better say it before you explode in my face."
"It's just two words, you know."
"Yeah, so they shouldn't be such a big deal, right?"
"I like making them into a big deal."
A yawn.
"When are you going to stop being childish?"
"When you stop being forgetful."
"Didn't forget."
"Did."
"Ah, fine."
… …
"Should we take a photo?"
"What for?"
"I'll upload it on my twitter. 'EunHae in the dorms on my birthday'! The fans will like it."
"Oh, okay."
A click of the camera. A pause.
"I can't get into twitter."
"Connection down again?"
"Seems like it."
"Ah, whatever. You can upload it another time."
"Mm yeah. Remind me later."
"I'm forgetful, remember?"
"Jerk."
"That's mature."
"I'm childish, remember?"
… …
"What shall we do today?"
"Why do we have to do anything today?"
"Because it's your birthday, and people do special things on their birthdays."
"But I'm lazy."
"God, all that trouble arguing with me about how important your birthday is and now you don't even want to do anything?"
"Okay, fine. List me some options."
"…We could go out."
"There are too many fans waiting outside today. I don't feel emotionally prepared to deal with them."
"We could…have sex until nine p.m."
"For six hours?"
"Yeah. Like, a milestone sort of thing, you know. On your twenty-fifth birthday, you had sex for six hours."
"What was the longest we ever clocked in?"
"…Two?"
"No, four and a half."
"No way."
"That time in Tokyo for that thing…"
"Oh, yeah. You came three times. I was pretty impressed by that."
"I missed you. All the action I got for months was jerking off in China hotels."
"Aren't you glad I'm such a reliable source of sexual fulfillment?"
"Yeah…yeah, you are."
A pause.
"But you know, six hours…"
"Is a bit long, I agree."
"Not that I don't want to have birthday sex."
"But you're lazy."
"It's nice enough like this, isn't it?"
"What, sitting on our asses?"
"Cuddling and eating watermelon."
"I guess."
"Let's just be an old married couple for today."
"What, this from sex-obsessed Lee Donghae?"
"I'm not as young as I once was."
A dramatic sigh.
"That's true. I think I heard your bones creak this morning when you turned over in bed."
"How do you feel about having your young, handsome, crazily sexy lover become a sexless bone-creaker?"
"I might have to find another lover."
"I knew it. You are a disloyal backstabber."
"It took you ten years to realise that?"
… …
"You know, I think they cleared out the dorms for us."
"You must have said something to them."
"What do I have to do with it?"
"When Lee Donghae says something, the whole world jumps."
"Mmm. That sounds nice."
"Yeah. It's a nice birthday gift, isn't it?"
"What is?"
"What the members gave you."
"What did they give me?"
"Me. Seven hours alone with me."
"I always knew they were cheapskates."
"Time with Eunhyuk - priceless."
"Time with Eunhyuk - free."
"Time with Eunhyuk - not doing anything."
"Time with Eunhyuk - not needing to do anything."
"Mmmm."
A pause.
"Are you going to tell me you love me?"
"What? Why should I need to?"
"Because it's my birthday."
"Oh. Well. Read it in my eyes or something."
"Why, why am I still in this relationship?"
"Because I give the best blowjobs."
"You are so shallow."
"Oh, yeah?"
Fifteen minutes later.
"Okay, fine, you do."
… …
"Hey. Have a good time at dinner tonight with Chance and the guys, yeah?"
"Yeah."
"I'll join you all after KTR."
"Yup."
"Don't get too drunk before I get there."
"Yep."
"You're waiting for something."
"Oh, my gosh, how could you tell?"
"I have no idea. No idea!"
"Well, just remember I'll be waiting for it."
… …
"Before I say this, I just want to make it clear that I'm doing this only because I'm coerced to. Not because it's a tradition or an expression of suppressed sap, like Donghae would like you guys to believe."
"Whatever!"
"Get on with it, dude!"
"We're all ears!"
"Oh, he's blushing. He's so cute, Donghae."
"I know, right?"
"I want to touch his cheeks. They're so red."
"Hey, hands off my guy."
"Dude, how long is your guy going to keep us waiting?"
A cleared throat.
"Okay, okay, here goes. All of you shut up until I'm done."
"Yes, yes."
"I love Lee Donghae because he's the only one who doesn't mind waking up in my drool. I love Lee Donghae because he turns on the heater for me ten minutes before I get back to the dorm at night so I don't have to wait for the water to heat up. I love Lee Donghae because he spent two months jerking off in China hotels instead of sleeping around with cute Chinese guys. I love Lee Donghae because he doesn't mind waking up at four a.m. to have breakfast with me when I have early morning schedule. …How am I doing?"
"Six more to go, darling."
"I think I'm about to cry."
"Though that jerking off part…"
"Shut up."
"No Chinese guys at all? Not one?"
"You can ask Henry, he'll tell you I was a monk."
"He was a monk."
"Does all your chatting mean I don't have to continue?"
"No hope of that, wise guy. Six more to go."
"…Fine. I love Lee Donghae because we can sit next to each other on twenty-hour flights without wanting to kill each other at the end of it. I love Lee Donghae because he follows me unquestioningly around at airports and foreign places even though I get both of us lost most of the time. I love Lee Donghae because he stays up to all hours of the night helping me with choreographies even though he's not getting a cut of the extra commission for it."
"Hey, can I take Lee Donghae from you?"
"At this point, I'm almost willing to let you have him."
"What? How can you say that in the middle of this?"
"Because you're making me do this and it's supremely embarrassing and you don't understand it because you don't have any sense of embarrassment whatsoever and…whatever, look, I've got three more reasons to go, all of you are to shut up."
"Mm, right. Shutting up."
"I love Lee Donghae because he has this fantastic way with his hips in bed. I love…"
"No, wait, tell us more about those hips."
"What? No way!"
"He won't say it because he's a prude, but you know, by the time I'm done with him I usually have his fingerprints all over my back."
"Duuuuude."
"I'm not going on unless you stop talking."
Obedient silence.
"I love Lee Donghae because he's the only person I wouldn't mind becoming a sexless bone-creaker with."
A smile.
"I love Lee Donghae because he has told me he loves me every day for the past six years and I think such continuity is really good, even though…"
"Even though you only tell me you love me once a year, and then I have to make you do it ten times."
"Well, yes."
"Donghae-yah, you're going too easy on him. It should be twenty-six times next year. The number of reasons should match up with how old you are, you know."
"Oh, yeah, you have a point…"
"Stop putting ideas into his head!"
"Twenty-six times next year, Hyukjae."
"I'm breaking up with you. Right now. Right here. With all the guys as my witnesses."
"He's a sweet one."
"See what I have to put up with?"
"Twenty-six times next year."
"Yes, definitely."
"Damn you all."
… …
"I love you."
"Mmm."
"Even though you were stumbling by the seventh reason. I could tell."
"Come on. You never really know why you love someone, you just do."
"So do you?"
"Do I what?"
"Love me."
"I'm going to sleep."
A pause.
"You're really childish, you know?"
"Yup."
"When are you ever going to grow up?"
"Oh, I don’t know. When it ceases to torment you."
"That is such a terrible reason."
"Whatever."
"I do."
"What?"
"Do."
"Do…what?"
"I do love you."
"I love you too, isn't that great?"
"Yeah, yeah."
"Twenty-six times next year."
"I'll forget."
"When are you going to stop being forgetful?"
"When it ceases to torment you."
"Jerk."
"Mmmm."
A silence.
"Good night, baby."
"Good night, Lee Hyukjae."
end.
eunhyuk/donghae
pg-13; 1470 words
a series of conversations taking place on donghae's birthday.
written in a rush, and it shows ;__;
"Happy birthday."
"…That took you just fourteen hours to remember, I'm impressed."
"Bet you thought I forgot."
"Bet you did forget."
"Didn't."
"Did. I can see the lie in your eyes."
"My eyes are telling the truth."
"Which is that you forgot."
"Which is that I was trying to find a significant time to say 'happy birthday'."
"How is two p.m. a significant time?"
"It's not, I just figured that I'd better say it before you explode in my face."
"It's just two words, you know."
"Yeah, so they shouldn't be such a big deal, right?"
"I like making them into a big deal."
A yawn.
"When are you going to stop being childish?"
"When you stop being forgetful."
"Didn't forget."
"Did."
"Ah, fine."
… …
"Should we take a photo?"
"What for?"
"I'll upload it on my twitter. 'EunHae in the dorms on my birthday'! The fans will like it."
"Oh, okay."
A click of the camera. A pause.
"I can't get into twitter."
"Connection down again?"
"Seems like it."
"Ah, whatever. You can upload it another time."
"Mm yeah. Remind me later."
"I'm forgetful, remember?"
"Jerk."
"That's mature."
"I'm childish, remember?"
… …
"What shall we do today?"
"Why do we have to do anything today?"
"Because it's your birthday, and people do special things on their birthdays."
"But I'm lazy."
"God, all that trouble arguing with me about how important your birthday is and now you don't even want to do anything?"
"Okay, fine. List me some options."
"…We could go out."
"There are too many fans waiting outside today. I don't feel emotionally prepared to deal with them."
"We could…have sex until nine p.m."
"For six hours?"
"Yeah. Like, a milestone sort of thing, you know. On your twenty-fifth birthday, you had sex for six hours."
"What was the longest we ever clocked in?"
"…Two?"
"No, four and a half."
"No way."
"That time in Tokyo for that thing…"
"Oh, yeah. You came three times. I was pretty impressed by that."
"I missed you. All the action I got for months was jerking off in China hotels."
"Aren't you glad I'm such a reliable source of sexual fulfillment?"
"Yeah…yeah, you are."
A pause.
"But you know, six hours…"
"Is a bit long, I agree."
"Not that I don't want to have birthday sex."
"But you're lazy."
"It's nice enough like this, isn't it?"
"What, sitting on our asses?"
"Cuddling and eating watermelon."
"I guess."
"Let's just be an old married couple for today."
"What, this from sex-obsessed Lee Donghae?"
"I'm not as young as I once was."
A dramatic sigh.
"That's true. I think I heard your bones creak this morning when you turned over in bed."
"How do you feel about having your young, handsome, crazily sexy lover become a sexless bone-creaker?"
"I might have to find another lover."
"I knew it. You are a disloyal backstabber."
"It took you ten years to realise that?"
… …
"You know, I think they cleared out the dorms for us."
"You must have said something to them."
"What do I have to do with it?"
"When Lee Donghae says something, the whole world jumps."
"Mmm. That sounds nice."
"Yeah. It's a nice birthday gift, isn't it?"
"What is?"
"What the members gave you."
"What did they give me?"
"Me. Seven hours alone with me."
"I always knew they were cheapskates."
"Time with Eunhyuk - priceless."
"Time with Eunhyuk - free."
"Time with Eunhyuk - not doing anything."
"Time with Eunhyuk - not needing to do anything."
"Mmmm."
A pause.
"Are you going to tell me you love me?"
"What? Why should I need to?"
"Because it's my birthday."
"Oh. Well. Read it in my eyes or something."
"Why, why am I still in this relationship?"
"Because I give the best blowjobs."
"You are so shallow."
"Oh, yeah?"
Fifteen minutes later.
"Okay, fine, you do."
… …
"Hey. Have a good time at dinner tonight with Chance and the guys, yeah?"
"Yeah."
"I'll join you all after KTR."
"Yup."
"Don't get too drunk before I get there."
"Yep."
"You're waiting for something."
"Oh, my gosh, how could you tell?"
"I have no idea. No idea!"
"Well, just remember I'll be waiting for it."
… …
"Before I say this, I just want to make it clear that I'm doing this only because I'm coerced to. Not because it's a tradition or an expression of suppressed sap, like Donghae would like you guys to believe."
"Whatever!"
"Get on with it, dude!"
"We're all ears!"
"Oh, he's blushing. He's so cute, Donghae."
"I know, right?"
"I want to touch his cheeks. They're so red."
"Hey, hands off my guy."
"Dude, how long is your guy going to keep us waiting?"
A cleared throat.
"Okay, okay, here goes. All of you shut up until I'm done."
"Yes, yes."
"I love Lee Donghae because he's the only one who doesn't mind waking up in my drool. I love Lee Donghae because he turns on the heater for me ten minutes before I get back to the dorm at night so I don't have to wait for the water to heat up. I love Lee Donghae because he spent two months jerking off in China hotels instead of sleeping around with cute Chinese guys. I love Lee Donghae because he doesn't mind waking up at four a.m. to have breakfast with me when I have early morning schedule. …How am I doing?"
"Six more to go, darling."
"I think I'm about to cry."
"Though that jerking off part…"
"Shut up."
"No Chinese guys at all? Not one?"
"You can ask Henry, he'll tell you I was a monk."
"He was a monk."
"Does all your chatting mean I don't have to continue?"
"No hope of that, wise guy. Six more to go."
"…Fine. I love Lee Donghae because we can sit next to each other on twenty-hour flights without wanting to kill each other at the end of it. I love Lee Donghae because he follows me unquestioningly around at airports and foreign places even though I get both of us lost most of the time. I love Lee Donghae because he stays up to all hours of the night helping me with choreographies even though he's not getting a cut of the extra commission for it."
"Hey, can I take Lee Donghae from you?"
"At this point, I'm almost willing to let you have him."
"What? How can you say that in the middle of this?"
"Because you're making me do this and it's supremely embarrassing and you don't understand it because you don't have any sense of embarrassment whatsoever and…whatever, look, I've got three more reasons to go, all of you are to shut up."
"Mm, right. Shutting up."
"I love Lee Donghae because he has this fantastic way with his hips in bed. I love…"
"No, wait, tell us more about those hips."
"What? No way!"
"He won't say it because he's a prude, but you know, by the time I'm done with him I usually have his fingerprints all over my back."
"Duuuuude."
"I'm not going on unless you stop talking."
Obedient silence.
"I love Lee Donghae because he's the only person I wouldn't mind becoming a sexless bone-creaker with."
A smile.
"I love Lee Donghae because he has told me he loves me every day for the past six years and I think such continuity is really good, even though…"
"Even though you only tell me you love me once a year, and then I have to make you do it ten times."
"Well, yes."
"Donghae-yah, you're going too easy on him. It should be twenty-six times next year. The number of reasons should match up with how old you are, you know."
"Oh, yeah, you have a point…"
"Stop putting ideas into his head!"
"Twenty-six times next year, Hyukjae."
"I'm breaking up with you. Right now. Right here. With all the guys as my witnesses."
"He's a sweet one."
"See what I have to put up with?"
"Twenty-six times next year."
"Yes, definitely."
"Damn you all."
… …
"I love you."
"Mmm."
"Even though you were stumbling by the seventh reason. I could tell."
"Come on. You never really know why you love someone, you just do."
"So do you?"
"Do I what?"
"Love me."
"I'm going to sleep."
A pause.
"You're really childish, you know?"
"Yup."
"When are you ever going to grow up?"
"Oh, I don’t know. When it ceases to torment you."
"That is such a terrible reason."
"Whatever."
"I do."
"What?"
"Do."
"Do…what?"
"I do love you."
"I love you too, isn't that great?"
"Yeah, yeah."
"Twenty-six times next year."
"I'll forget."
"When are you going to stop being forgetful?"
"When it ceases to torment you."
"Jerk."
"Mmmm."
A silence.
"Good night, baby."
"Good night, Lee Hyukjae."
end.