PISSED sept 06 2007
okay im MAD...... to the point of screaming.....supposedly im missing 10$ from my bank account....ill find out tomarrow..... but i had 50 and then i took out 5 for gas and now mark says i have 35......ill get a bank statement tomarrow.....and if he took money out without asking me....im gonna be pissed becuase that was for gas and ONLY for gas and i already took out 20 that i wasnt going to for mark to eat on......so anyways lemme tell you..... we might have to work 7 days a week after the head dude leaves becuase Patsy will be in charge and shell run us until we drop dead....not kool.... were already working 6 days a week and they changed that a few months ago and before that it used to be 7 days a week for 2 years for everyone.....but whatever ill make pleanty of overtime....i also found out that my mom has been telling michael a bunch of lies and the welfare systen told him i was pregnant which i think is funny becuase im going to sue.......they cant tell him shit its not his right anymore as far as it goes becuase we are separated......and my case is totally different than with his and they cant give that info out to ANYONE.....only me mark and bug.....but no, im not pregnant thats what i think is so funny.....anyways.....so i come home tonight and michael was on the computer so i was reading a book and he asked me if i wanted on mark is all of a sudden like " no" and michaels like well do you want on then mark and mark is like "yeah im getting on it" MOTHER FUCKER!!!! EXSCUSE ME?????!!!!! i was pissed. if i needed someone to push me around and tell me what i was or wasnt going to do id have stayed with my ex. so i keep quiet and he gets on and then he gets off and im like are you done and he ignores me....so finally after repeating myself 4 times im like hello? and hes like what and i asked agian hes like oh yeah im done....so i go off the fucking hook.....i didnt raise my voice but he could tell i was pissed....i told him he wasnt going to asnwer my questions for me i can do it myself and i dont need someone to decide shit for me thank you and hes like im sorry and im like for what and hes like for treating you like a baby.......so im like fine its kool. then i cant find my ciggarettes....he had them last so now i gotta open ANOTHER pack and the other one was only missing 3... so thats great. i hand him my money when i get paid but im almost about ready to take my chances and chance loseing it first....becuase he sais this and that.... i left one night with 100$ he had and went to work.... i come back and all of it but 35 is left and i still owe someone 15$ for the money he borrowed off them.... i owe his dad 100$ STILL becuase 50 is my fault but then he told his dad that he would borrow 50 $ and pay him back HE DOESENT HAVE A JOB! so who the fuck else is gonna pay for it but me?!?! oh i am sick of it! you know i bust my ass and it all goes for what??? NOTHING.... i still have NOTHING.......i make 9.05 an hour and i have nothing.... im berely able to pay for bugs birthday present but i get 130$ in food stamps and have no bills to pay but SOMEHOW im still broke... although i did put 70 in the bank for gas last week which i am proud to say i still have 35 left but i should have had 45........like i specifically told him NOT to put more than 5$ in at a time becuase his brother will run it out and he that night goes and puts 10 in! like i talk for my fucking health... granted, he has bought me a CD and took me out to applebees for his birthday and i was thankful for that but dear god! come on now! im busting my ass and im just spinning in circles..... i cant get a damned thing fucking done around this god forsaken place becuase as soon as it gets clean i come home and its trashed agian. it like i tried to put 10 $ in the bank for mara and bug a piece .... he fucking took that out too..... i have a jar of change... ( im pretty sure hes took money out of that too) to either help me go to ireland or go get mara dpending on what i can afford to pay for......and im petrified to turn that into cash or itll be done... i had to HIDE IT! i feel like nothing i own or work for is mine to have any say over what the fuck......becuase of me he has food.... he has ciggs..... he has all these nice things he wants.... its like he want an 800$ bow for christmas that i would love to get him but i cant save up to do it..... i have no bills except a 45$ phone bill for the long distance calls i made and i have to pay my way for gas to get to work.... that adds up to 100$ a month......and i make 1200 where does it all go?!?! im almost about half tempted to say fuck it and get a seperate bank account.....you know? its like he going to school and i ride his ass and help him continuosly with homework which im happy to help but hes missed 2 days already and hes only been in school3 weeks! he cant keep missing days.... he just cant becuase if he does they will throw him out and he will have to pay what they payed for him to go to school which is like 2000 dollars! i told him i WILL NOT pay for that.....you know if he busts his ass and doesent make it then fine.... ill pay it off but not becuase he cant go to sleep when he should and he watches bug for me while im at work which i am honestly grateful for.... becuase day care would cost SO much more.....but do i owe him everything for that... you know what i got last wee out of my check? a carton of ciggs....and...lets see...yeah that was it.....granted i didnt buy him anything from the store but all the money i gave him to buy hiself sodas and to eat out becuase hes to srry to cook for himself was about 50-75........oh yeah and i got myself contacts becuase without my contacts i wont have job becuase i wouldnt be able to see......so about 27+ 15 is like what 42....yeah. i just want to break down and fucking cry.... i could afford a 500 $ 6 bedroom farm house if i was careful with my money but i cant becuase its gone the day i get it.... but thats cool becuase im buying myself a fucking wallet and ill keep my own damned money and my own shit.....i can take care of myself and i need to start doing it becuase i guarentee you....i loose 300 bucks becuase i lost my wallet ill never do it agian.....im just PISSED THE FUCK OFF!!!