Being Prepared
my brother called me a few hours ago. to tell me my sister can get her house and stuff so thats good. but we were talking about mom. she took antibiotics a while back for 10 days and shes sick agian. he sais her outcome probably wont be good before its all over. i guess new news is my step dad, and my brothers dad have hepatitis C and well ive known for a while my brother zane's dad had it. but yeah. so i guess the only plausable explanation is moms got it. shes turning yellow and shit so her liver is going. we just always thought it was serosis of the liver. but he sais her liver is basically gone and thats why shes contantly sick and if she wants to live much longer then she needs to keep taking the pills every day. she wont though becuase she doesent belive shes sick. see, usually she gets to coughing and then sneezing and then she quits but it hasent been like that lately she just coughs and coughs. he sais if she doesent want my older brother to get everything....she needs to do her living will and soon so i asked him i was like what are you trying to say? hes like you know when old people are on her death bed? im like yeah....hes like shes there...shes gonna die and soon. you dont have long so if theres anything you have to say you better say it soon. he sais he thinks she'll live this summer but once it gets cold agian thats it. its scary but he sais that what probably gonna happen is she'll get to coughing and then there will be blood and basically shes gonna cough up all the blood in her and its gonna last about 10 minutes but theres nothing you can do but hold her but becuase she had HEP C i have to make sure not to get the blood in any of my cuts or i could get it too and to keep the baby away but he said the hardest thing im gonna have to do is stay calm becuase shes drowning basically and if you freak out shes gonna know shes gonna die. im scared. im so scared. it makes me want to kick myself in the ass for everything ive ever done wrong to her. i hate that. i alwaysknew when she goes id hate myself for it. she'll be here, with me, the one she hates most.....
to die...with me there...
she hates me though
i wish somehow i could be someone else. i wish shed love me for but she hates me becuase i see right through her. she knows that. and she hates me becuase i call it. but i guess i need to make a few memories with her before she goes. i knew this was gonna happen soon. she wont go to a hospital becuase she knows she'll never come out agian. she presses on becuase she thinks she can just make it go away. but she cant. but i need to find Toni. my sister. i know she wonders. was she okay? did she have a good life? shed be 34 by now. ill do it tonight. but for now sheryl should be here soon to get me for my GED classes. ill ttyl oh and i found this on Sarah's page.....this woman lost her child today i went to the web site. its a sad sad story. i cried....he was so cute his name was Ronan. she said you cant find a book anywhere like a memory book for a baby thats died. it gives me an ideah of something to make. i dont think id sell them for much more than it cost to make them tho. anyways peace be with Ronan. ill ttyl love emma
to die...with me there...
she hates me though
i wish somehow i could be someone else. i wish shed love me for but she hates me becuase i see right through her. she knows that. and she hates me becuase i call it. but i guess i need to make a few memories with her before she goes. i knew this was gonna happen soon. she wont go to a hospital becuase she knows she'll never come out agian. she presses on becuase she thinks she can just make it go away. but she cant. but i need to find Toni. my sister. i know she wonders. was she okay? did she have a good life? shed be 34 by now. ill do it tonight. but for now sheryl should be here soon to get me for my GED classes. ill ttyl oh and i found this on Sarah's page.....this woman lost her child today i went to the web site. its a sad sad story. i cried....he was so cute his name was Ronan. she said you cant find a book anywhere like a memory book for a baby thats died. it gives me an ideah of something to make. i dont think id sell them for much more than it cost to make them tho. anyways peace be with Ronan. ill ttyl love emma