fooling myself
i'm not sure why i keep doing this to myself. i trick myself into thinking that i'm over it, that its okay with me. but i can feel it. its not okay. i can feel the pressure building behind my eyes. the uneasiness in my stomach. its like putting myself through a grinder. i've learned not to count on anything, not to expect him to keep these vague promises. i want to be romanced. maybe i should be looking for someone my own age. but things are never really that easy.