Life - so strange, and funny.
Things are mostly back to normal - whatever the hell that means. My life is open ended and up in the air, much as it was a year or so ago. Sure, now I have a house and have been at a steady job for over a year, but it's not so different. Been spending a little time riding again, did a contest up in Oregon recently. I think the next real trip might be to Australia in February.
Observing the changes in my own perception of love and relationships has been an interesting path. It's strange to have gone from being in a committed long term relationship, to being anxious for the mending of a relationship, to being broken by the brokenness of it all, to the resigned notion that another chapter of life has ended, and the awakening of knowing it's time to close the door and find the next. Mostly, my heart doesn't hurt anymore.
Opening myself to the possibility of new people in my life, has had an interesting effect of new people entering my life in all sorts of contexts. I feel as though I have been receiving attention from so many new places, and I thrive on it. After going through such a period of loneliness and feeling such little self-worth, it's great to feel such the opposite. It's also interesting to be single again, and this time as a home owner. It's an odd realization to know that I have a place with no roommates, and that if I wanted to have someone over for a nice romantic dinner, I have the means to do so. I feel like this is the first time in my life that I've really done any traditional dating - and gone out with people that I didn't already have some sort of acquaintance with prior to a date. It's a strange strange process.
This has also been the only time in my life I've maintained such a close relationship with an ex so immediately after a breakup. I'm not always sure how I feel about the whole thing - determining the bounds of appropriate actions and conversation is a little tricky, and I still sometimes find myself with a small amount of resentment. So far, there hasn't been much reason to make an issue out of anything. It will be interesting to see how this all evolves as we move farther away from having been a couple, and what will happen when one or the other (or both) admits to having a significant other.
For now, I think I might go watch some Dexter, and catch a nap.
Observing the changes in my own perception of love and relationships has been an interesting path. It's strange to have gone from being in a committed long term relationship, to being anxious for the mending of a relationship, to being broken by the brokenness of it all, to the resigned notion that another chapter of life has ended, and the awakening of knowing it's time to close the door and find the next. Mostly, my heart doesn't hurt anymore.
Opening myself to the possibility of new people in my life, has had an interesting effect of new people entering my life in all sorts of contexts. I feel as though I have been receiving attention from so many new places, and I thrive on it. After going through such a period of loneliness and feeling such little self-worth, it's great to feel such the opposite. It's also interesting to be single again, and this time as a home owner. It's an odd realization to know that I have a place with no roommates, and that if I wanted to have someone over for a nice romantic dinner, I have the means to do so. I feel like this is the first time in my life that I've really done any traditional dating - and gone out with people that I didn't already have some sort of acquaintance with prior to a date. It's a strange strange process.
This has also been the only time in my life I've maintained such a close relationship with an ex so immediately after a breakup. I'm not always sure how I feel about the whole thing - determining the bounds of appropriate actions and conversation is a little tricky, and I still sometimes find myself with a small amount of resentment. So far, there hasn't been much reason to make an issue out of anything. It will be interesting to see how this all evolves as we move farther away from having been a couple, and what will happen when one or the other (or both) admits to having a significant other.
For now, I think I might go watch some Dexter, and catch a nap.