as the stormy sky begins to calm...
My mom really knows how to piss me off. She always has to step in at the exact moment that my conscience has finally worn me down, and then makes me feel like a total ass, and completely incompitent.
So i get out of a relaxing bath, and am in the middle of getting dressed and feeling good because I'm finally headed to the library to study in the first time in weeks. Then I hear a knock on the door, and i know it's my mom because she actually pays attention to the "please knock gently" sign on my door, and besides, sarah likes to scratch instead of knock, because she's crazy like that. Yeah so anyway, I see the look on her face and I immediately know something's wrong, of course I misread it, and I thought she was upset/sad or something like that.
Well then she does the whole thing where she sits down on my bed, lets out a sigh and of course she has something in her hand to look at in case she doesn't want to look me in the eye. That's exactly where my heart jumps and I can't help but go on the defense.
Unfortunately I didn't let her say all that she wanted to like I really should have. But she was going on about how I need to be more responsible for what I do during the day. She says I watch too much tv, and that I should be following a schedule.
I got SO pissed at her. She was only thinking about what was going on TODAY, not what I've been doing lately. She didn't take into the equation the fact that she wanted me to stay at home and make sure she woke up to take Sarah to her appointment, and the fact that i gave up my room so she could sleep in air-conditioning.
She assumed that because I told her yesterday that I would be going to the library today, that I would do so immediately and that i would be there all day. The only reason I even told her was so that she didn't give me a bunch of crap to do and give me an excuse to not go at all.
Anyways I got pissed at her and "i just haven't had the chance to get to the fucking library yet!" popped out. I saw that angry half smile appear on her face, the one that only appears when i use the "wrong tone" or use language that i really shouldn't.
She just left the room, I don't know if she said anything when she did, but as soon as the door shut i threw my towel angrily at the wall, knocking stuff off my dresser. My heart jumped with fear again, half expecting her to come bursting into the room and start yelling at me about wrecking stuff, like she did years ago. But she didn't and I just plopped onto my bed, and mumbled "i have every right to break my own stuff!"
Well anyways i ended up just packing up my stuff to head over to the library, and resisted yelling at her, though I blamed her for my pissy mood and ruining my concentration to study, she said something like "you can control your own mood" and I just screamed "just don't talk to me!"
so i left. the sky reflecting my mood, turning dark and green, swirling and angry, about to burst with lightening and rain.
i got to the library, and set up my stuff, watching as the rain poored down, and the sky eventually began to lighten. though the rain still falls, the sky looks nicely down upon the dampened ground.
and so, too, i've cooled down thanks to one thought that always makes me smile....
___
Random Note: rootbeer and peanuts make an odd breakfast, especially while watching Will & Grace
So i get out of a relaxing bath, and am in the middle of getting dressed and feeling good because I'm finally headed to the library to study in the first time in weeks. Then I hear a knock on the door, and i know it's my mom because she actually pays attention to the "please knock gently" sign on my door, and besides, sarah likes to scratch instead of knock, because she's crazy like that. Yeah so anyway, I see the look on her face and I immediately know something's wrong, of course I misread it, and I thought she was upset/sad or something like that.
Well then she does the whole thing where she sits down on my bed, lets out a sigh and of course she has something in her hand to look at in case she doesn't want to look me in the eye. That's exactly where my heart jumps and I can't help but go on the defense.
Unfortunately I didn't let her say all that she wanted to like I really should have. But she was going on about how I need to be more responsible for what I do during the day. She says I watch too much tv, and that I should be following a schedule.
I got SO pissed at her. She was only thinking about what was going on TODAY, not what I've been doing lately. She didn't take into the equation the fact that she wanted me to stay at home and make sure she woke up to take Sarah to her appointment, and the fact that i gave up my room so she could sleep in air-conditioning.
She assumed that because I told her yesterday that I would be going to the library today, that I would do so immediately and that i would be there all day. The only reason I even told her was so that she didn't give me a bunch of crap to do and give me an excuse to not go at all.
Anyways I got pissed at her and "i just haven't had the chance to get to the fucking library yet!" popped out. I saw that angry half smile appear on her face, the one that only appears when i use the "wrong tone" or use language that i really shouldn't.
She just left the room, I don't know if she said anything when she did, but as soon as the door shut i threw my towel angrily at the wall, knocking stuff off my dresser. My heart jumped with fear again, half expecting her to come bursting into the room and start yelling at me about wrecking stuff, like she did years ago. But she didn't and I just plopped onto my bed, and mumbled "i have every right to break my own stuff!"
Well anyways i ended up just packing up my stuff to head over to the library, and resisted yelling at her, though I blamed her for my pissy mood and ruining my concentration to study, she said something like "you can control your own mood" and I just screamed "just don't talk to me!"
so i left. the sky reflecting my mood, turning dark and green, swirling and angry, about to burst with lightening and rain.
i got to the library, and set up my stuff, watching as the rain poored down, and the sky eventually began to lighten. though the rain still falls, the sky looks nicely down upon the dampened ground.
and so, too, i've cooled down thanks to one thought that always makes me smile....
___
Random Note: rootbeer and peanuts make an odd breakfast, especially while watching Will & Grace