He Ain't Heavy: Heechul [Part 2]
Edition: Heechul, 26 May 2010 [Part 2]
Pairings: Implied HanChul, KyuMin and EunHae but only if you squint.
Length: Two-shot
Genre: Angst, Comfort
Rating: PG
Summary: When Hankyung leaves, Heechul falls into a depression that appears to have no end. They show him the light.
Author's Note: Inspired by this because my heart broke and then it got mended. And also because I may have been watching Super Junior's Intimate Note instead of revising. Oh, and I used the real names of the boys here, so Jungsoo = Leeteuk, Hyukjae = Eunhyuk, Youngwoon = Kangin, Jongwoon = Yesung and Donghee = Shindong just for your info :)
Heechul's doorbell rings that night, and he already kind of knows who's going to be standing outside of it thanks to a warning phone call. He opens the door to a rather snazzily dressed Zhoumi, in his arms a tinfoil covered pot of something that smells heavenly.
“So I'm not alone,” Zhoumi begins before Heechul could so much as exhale, and suddenly three other faces pop out from behind Zhoumi's obnoxiously tall frame.
“Hyung,” they chorus, and Heechul is knocked to the floor as two of them fling themselves at him. He glares at the perpetrators, meeting the bright and innocent smiles of Henry and Ryeowook.
Zhoumi's light laughter drifts through the door as he delicately steps over the pile of testosterone on the floor. He's followed through by Donghee who's chuckling himself into a fit of hysteria.
When Donghee feels the familiar burn of Heechul's glare, he flings a disarming smile along with twinkling eyes at his hyung. “Zhoumi-ssi cooked fried rice. Not going to miss that.”
Heechul finally manages to get the excitable young ones off him - though Henry has this sickeningly adorable compulsion to cling to Heechul's midriff - and the five of them are all sitting around his dining table, the air lively and singing. Zhoumi's wielding a massive spoon and dishing out steaming mounds of rice as Ryeowook and Henry are already fighting over who gets the first plate and Donghee's just laughing at them.
Zhoumi gets the others settled down with surprising efficiency and he comes around with a plate and sets it in front of Heechul. “I know it's not going to be exactly the same,” Zhoumi explains, his tone embarrassed and shy, “But this was how I was taught to make it.”
Heechul takes a bite and yes, it's not the same, but it's delicious and it's hot and there's enough to feed an army. He swallows and smiles up at Zhoumi, who's been hovering above him anxiously.
“It's amazing,” Heechul replies, and he's rewarded with that dazzlingly toothy smile and Zhoumi's dancing in victory around the dining room. They all start to laugh at just how bad Zhoumi's dancing actually is and Henry flings a spoonful of rice at the chef, calling him an insult to the art of dancing.
The rest of the night descends into chaos of dancing and singing competitions and Heechul can't remember what silence feels like.
------
The next night Heechul's apartment is invaded by Jongwoon, who harps on at him about animals and turtles for a good thirty minutes before the bell goes off again and thank God there's Sungmin with Kyuhyun.
“We thought we'd save you,” Sungmin explains with a smile as Kyuhyun nods stoically from beside him. Then Kyuhyun produces a handful of games from behind his back and Sungmin pulls a guitar from the shadows and Heechul really just can't stop them.
Kyuhyun thrashes him at Starcraft and Sungmin and Jongwoon content themselves with playing with his cats or the guitar and rearranging his CD shelf. And even though they didn't bring food or beer, Heechul doesn't really mind all that much because spending time with them is more than enough sustenance.
Jungsoo arrives later on, bringing with him a much needed stable presence and shoulder (not to mention a heck of a lot of snack food which they all know they really shouldn't be eating but what the hell). He harrumphs at Heechul's lack of skill at Starcraft and laughs as Sungmin gets attacked by a purring cat.
When Jongwoon begins to pout because Hyung don't you know your alphabet what kind of filing system is this Jungsoo is right there to entertain Jongwoon and Heechul at the same time. The deftness with which he does so, the light touch he has and the sweetness it's all encased in is an art that Heechul never really bothered himself with learning.
And even though it's quiet, much quieter than the night before even with the soft strains of the guitar, Heechul doesn't feel the loneliness chewing him up anymore.
------
When the doorbell goes off Heechul really has no clue what to expect. Then on the other side there's Donghae and Hyukjae, both in ridiculous flowery aprons. They produce a wealth of cooking utensils from behind them, smiling at him.
“So we heard the boys yesterday didn't even bring you dinner,” Donghae explains as Hyukjae nods enthusiastically, “So we came to make up for that.”
Heechul feels his eyebrows rise. “Hyukjae-ah, you can cook?”
Hyukjae draws himself up in indignation. “Of course I can cook!”
Heechul smirks at the sight, hearing Donghae swallow down a chuckle of his own. He moves aside and lets his chefs in, shaking his head at the bizarreness of it all.
But together they whip up a dinner worthy of a king, and as they sit and eat it together Heechul ignores how Hyukjae sneaks the egg off his plate, because to be honest he really can't hold anything against him now. And with the emptiness ebbing away from him like an outward bound tide, he stares down at his plate, something that feels a lot like love choking him.
“Hyung, what's wrong?” Donghae questions warily, Hyukjae's spoon freezing in midair with the offending egg slipping off it with an unrefined plop.
Heechul looks up, looks at them both with watery eyes and shakes his head, smiling a little at the look of relief that floods through their faces. “Nothing. Nothing's wrong.”
And he's starting to believe it.
------
The next night Heechul is reasonably certain of the face he's going to be greeted with when he opens the door. And there he is, Choi Siwon, inconspicuous and almost nerdy looking in his glasses and scarf and cardigan. In his hands is a heavy looking book, but before Heechul can close the door in his face-
“Hyung it's not a bible!”
“Oh,” Heechul opens the door wide again. “Then you can come in.”
Siwon steps through and into the apartment, making a beeline towards the sofa. He places the book on the coffee table and sits down, looking up at Heechul and patting the space next to him. “It's a photo book.”
Heechul meanders over, sits down and rests his chin on Siwon's shoulder as the younger man leans forward to flip open the what looks like cardboard cover. “A photo book?”
Siwon turns his head to look at Heechul, noticing the sudden sharp intake of breath and the glint in his eyes at the recognition of the faces in the pictures. “Yeah. I thought we should look through this together.”
It took him a moment, but eventually Heechul recognises the pictures. And the cover in which they're bound in. It is the latest release of SM Entertainment in the name of Super Junior, all containing the last known pictures of when the whole ragtag bunch of them were cavorting around in Hong Kong.
And the sight, mingled with the knowledge of what it was, makes Heechul begin to tear up.
The silence that they share is indescribable as Siwon reverently flips each page and lingers on each photo. The memories rush at them both, the laughter and the happiness and it's taking a lot of effort for either not to cry. Then they reach the shots of Hankyung, smiling and joyous and they both crack simultaneously.
Siwon falls into his hands, covering his eyes as Heechul wraps his arms around the younger man's stomach and rests his face against the broad back. The sobs both feel are curiously dry and tear-less, and instead the air inside the apartment is wracked with the sound of both of them... breathing.
“He is looking better now though. Isn't he?” Siwon's voice rumbles against Heechul's cheek.
Heechul nods, unable to dispute the truth. “He looks more like he used to. Looks as happy and as healthy as he used to be,” he adds softly. Because as much as it hurts to admit it, he can't deny the photos he's been seeing online of the radiantly glowing Hankyung, looking more well fed and well rested than Heechul can remember.
A deep inhalation. “As he wasn't with us.” Siwon exhales, the rush of air loud and breaking. “Who are we to say he can't be that?”
Heechul sighs, straightens, lets go but lets his hand drift up Siwon's back and rest on his shoulder in support. “His selfish greedy friends who can't share.”
Siwon's head stays bowed, his hand reaching out and reverently tracing the shape of Hankyung's face in the photo in front of them. “I miss him,” Siwon whispers.
“Me too,” Heechul sighs and the silence that they share is one of mutual loss and grief. But yet the sadness isn't as oppressive as it had been because now he wasn't alone.
The doorbell rings.
Heechul sighs and drags himself up, flinging the door open without bothering to look at who it is first. “I should just leave a key under the doormat or something,” he grumbles.
“Does that mean we can come in?”
We?
He turns and he's greeted with a triumphant looking Jungsoo, eight faces peering out from behind the leader and one bespectacled one hovering around the top, all looking at him expectantly. Then in a synchronized movement several tin foil covered pots and various shapes of Tupperware is pulled from the air and the faces of the men he knows too well are grinning like fools.
“We brought sustenance,” Jungsoo explains, smiling so brightly Heechul could be blinded.
“What if I hadn't let you in?” Heechul flings back as the armed gaggle flocks into his apartment, food depositing itself on seemingly every available surface and there's already three bodies on Siwon as Kyuhyun fiddles around with the wiring for the newest game console he's blown his last salary on.
Hyukjae then drifts in, his hand curled around a crowbar and Heechul can't do anything but laugh. He rests against the now closed door, wondering how he could ever have forgotten just how loud these kids could get when put in a confined space together.
There's Zhoumi with Jungsoo and Donghee, methodically removing tin foil and plastic covers while setting out paper plates with Hyukjae and Jongwoon dogging their steps, complaining loudly of hunger. And Sungmin with his omnipresent guitar, playing background music to the conversation that roars between Siwon, Henry, Ryeowook, Donghae and Kyuhyun.
Heechul can't deny that without him here it feels incomplete. The ache still haunts him and the whole act of just, missing him and not having him can still make him breathless with pain. But now, when there's laughter ringing and the scent of hot food in the air, Heechul doesn't feel the emptiness anymore. The corners which he'd used to curl up in, sobbing even when his tears were dried up, are now flooded with light and the echo of the eleven voices around him.
“Hyung what are you doing standing by the door like weirdo? It wasn't easy to get most of us here you know.” Hyukjae places both his hands on Heechul's shoulders and firmly shoves him towards the people currently turning his apartment upside down. “We all came for you.”
There's friendship and then there's family, he'd said once, woozy from one too many beers, lying with his head cradled on Heechul's lap, And the difference between them is not as big as you'd like to think.
Heechul smiles.
Time to hang out with that infuriating, ridiculous, incomprehensible, hysterical, indescribable family of his.