The Current State Of Life......
"Hey Josh, it's ******... don't forget that some of us still luv you and care about you. Remember, even walls have ears! Karma is a bizznitch, those people that are talking smack about you will get what belongs to them. Miss ya on the front end, it would have made my last few days nice to spend them with a good CSM!"
(A great friend of mine)
Doesn't it make you feel wonderful when you have a friend that informs you of things that have been going on at work while you are gone. I always seem to be such a hot goddamn topic of conversation. But truth be told, I agree with my friend, in the end those that talk shit and ruin things for me while get what is coming to them. It has been that way for so long, it will be that way forever.
~~~~~~~~~~
So I will concentrate on the important things in my life. School, my friends and deciding what I would like to share with the world and what size of an impact I must make with humanity to be able to sleep with myself at night. I'd rather be sleeping with the arms of someone I love wrapped around me, but if I can maybe just the way a few people think, whether through my music or my writing, I think that would probably be a fitting gift for God to give me. It sounds weird, but I can think of no higher honor I would love to achieve than to be featured in English or History textbooks long after I am gone. I just do not want to be forgotten.
~~~~~~~~~~
ONCE MORE, I IMPLORE TO THOSE THAT READ THIS, WHAT I WRITE IS WHAT I AM FEELING AT THE MOMENT, WHETHER I AM UPSET OR CALM AND CONTENTED. I WRITE WHAT MY HEART TELLS ME TO WRITE AND THAT IS ALL. PLEASE DO NOT TAKE WHAT I SAY AND RUN WITH IT, PLEASE DO NOT CAUSE ME ANYMORE STRIFE AND PAIN. IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT WHAT HAS BEEN WRITTEN, PLEASE CONFRONT ME OR CALL ME 1-828-293-1497. THIS IS MY JOURNAL, THIS IS FOR MY PEACE OF MIND. LEAVE IT AT THAT.
~~~~~~~~~~
God only knows how much I love my friends and the people that care for me. :) surprised me this morning by stopping by and we had a good, long talk. I hope she does not EVER listen to rumors about me and the bad things those rumors always seem to carry, but if she does, then she does and I cannot change that fact. I really like her. I believe I may be coming to terms a little bit better with who I am. I learn everyday. My neck is really sore; I believed it is because of my propensity to stay up all night long recently. That has also affected my weight. If I do not have the CSM job anymore, I am going to have to do something about the financial situation. I will be short on cash, always.
~~~~~~~~~~
Unless I pay off all of my bills and get a roommate, I almost think living with Jason Proctor is out of the question now. He has a new girlfriend; I have only met her once and gave a very bad first impression. She seemed really nice as well. I guess that I am going to have to go back and edit some of the entries into my journal. I am sure that some of the things I have said about :) could spread and drive her away. I do not want that. She intrigues me, so much more than Natalia ever did. Equals. I am not looking. I pray to God to let someone find me. I think I am going to play my trumpet with some music now and hopefully not disturb the neighbors. I am truly at peace with that instrument. I do wished I had some visitors though. Maybe it is time to once again, as I did in middle 2002, to step back and count my losses. To move on with my life and to make it something more than Wal-Mart. I really so desperately want that. I want SOMETHING else to look forward to each day besides the social interaction from the job.
~~~~~~~~~~
I just talked to my Mom: there really is NOTHING like Motherly love. I feel so good now. I will feel good tommorrow.
(A great friend of mine)
Doesn't it make you feel wonderful when you have a friend that informs you of things that have been going on at work while you are gone. I always seem to be such a hot goddamn topic of conversation. But truth be told, I agree with my friend, in the end those that talk shit and ruin things for me while get what is coming to them. It has been that way for so long, it will be that way forever.
~~~~~~~~~~
So I will concentrate on the important things in my life. School, my friends and deciding what I would like to share with the world and what size of an impact I must make with humanity to be able to sleep with myself at night. I'd rather be sleeping with the arms of someone I love wrapped around me, but if I can maybe just the way a few people think, whether through my music or my writing, I think that would probably be a fitting gift for God to give me. It sounds weird, but I can think of no higher honor I would love to achieve than to be featured in English or History textbooks long after I am gone. I just do not want to be forgotten.
~~~~~~~~~~
ONCE MORE, I IMPLORE TO THOSE THAT READ THIS, WHAT I WRITE IS WHAT I AM FEELING AT THE MOMENT, WHETHER I AM UPSET OR CALM AND CONTENTED. I WRITE WHAT MY HEART TELLS ME TO WRITE AND THAT IS ALL. PLEASE DO NOT TAKE WHAT I SAY AND RUN WITH IT, PLEASE DO NOT CAUSE ME ANYMORE STRIFE AND PAIN. IF YOU HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY ABOUT WHAT HAS BEEN WRITTEN, PLEASE CONFRONT ME OR CALL ME 1-828-293-1497. THIS IS MY JOURNAL, THIS IS FOR MY PEACE OF MIND. LEAVE IT AT THAT.
~~~~~~~~~~
God only knows how much I love my friends and the people that care for me. :) surprised me this morning by stopping by and we had a good, long talk. I hope she does not EVER listen to rumors about me and the bad things those rumors always seem to carry, but if she does, then she does and I cannot change that fact. I really like her. I believe I may be coming to terms a little bit better with who I am. I learn everyday. My neck is really sore; I believed it is because of my propensity to stay up all night long recently. That has also affected my weight. If I do not have the CSM job anymore, I am going to have to do something about the financial situation. I will be short on cash, always.
~~~~~~~~~~
Unless I pay off all of my bills and get a roommate, I almost think living with Jason Proctor is out of the question now. He has a new girlfriend; I have only met her once and gave a very bad first impression. She seemed really nice as well. I guess that I am going to have to go back and edit some of the entries into my journal. I am sure that some of the things I have said about :) could spread and drive her away. I do not want that. She intrigues me, so much more than Natalia ever did. Equals. I am not looking. I pray to God to let someone find me. I think I am going to play my trumpet with some music now and hopefully not disturb the neighbors. I am truly at peace with that instrument. I do wished I had some visitors though. Maybe it is time to once again, as I did in middle 2002, to step back and count my losses. To move on with my life and to make it something more than Wal-Mart. I really so desperately want that. I want SOMETHING else to look forward to each day besides the social interaction from the job.
~~~~~~~~~~
I just talked to my Mom: there really is NOTHING like Motherly love. I feel so good now. I will feel good tommorrow.