More Details For Those That Never Read (and those that do)...
I tried going back to work today after the events of Sunday. It didn't really work out that well. I cannot handle the Meat Department and the complete lack of brains that one must use to work over there. I saw quite a few people and most of them decided that they knew what had happened up front had been wrong. :) made it a point to come over and see me at the Meat Dept. The only associate besides Jason that actually did. Oh well. I talked to Suzanne White and Roger and Jill and a little with Heath.. Jo gave me a little kiss on the cheek and Eroc stopped to say hey and Keith came over and said that he thought what had happened was wrong. I guess that is for Pete to decide and while he is at it, decide my future.
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I don't know if :) likes me but I get the impression that Natalia doesn't really care about me unless she is going to get something her way in the end. Maybe I just have this fucked up idea about how she should treat me and care for me. God I love reading to her and Matt. But they can never get over here. Maybe I just had the wool of arrogance pulled over my eyes. I don't know. But I do know this, I would give up my job as a CSM to be able to date her. At least I would have the comfort of her. But in my life, the things I want seem to happen, but not to work out fully in the end.
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I should have learned a lesson from all of this. I am worried about meeting my probation officer Jamie. Maybe I should have learned that people anywhere will die to learn a "juicy" bit of information about someone or something that has happened at a workplace. I have learned that anyone will jump forward and act as if they are a friend to advance the needs of themselves. What will I do with all of this vacation time, knowing that it is all I am ever going to get from being a CSM, besides the memories and the people I have met. I really hope that :) comes over after she gets off of work tonight.
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I suppose that during vacation I am going to try and accomplish a few positive things, so that I may redeem some of my self-esteem from losing the position (if it is for sure lost). I feel like getting high. I tried to wait. I just felt something jump on my hand. It was a flea and I do not know where the hell it came from. I ask myself, what should I do about :) or Natalia? I have no direction and I lack the understanding of the future to know what may occur. Maybe I will update my website again, but probably I will just sit here and think, or rather think, in an absent state of mind.
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I still do not want to post exactly what happened up here. I am afraid of what that might mean for me as a CSM in the future. I am scared that it may cast a spell over me and accentuate the bad luck that I already have. If I could meet God I would ask Him if some people were already fated to fail. Maybe my failures will be my success in life. Only time can tell.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I don't know if :) likes me but I get the impression that Natalia doesn't really care about me unless she is going to get something her way in the end. Maybe I just have this fucked up idea about how she should treat me and care for me. God I love reading to her and Matt. But they can never get over here. Maybe I just had the wool of arrogance pulled over my eyes. I don't know. But I do know this, I would give up my job as a CSM to be able to date her. At least I would have the comfort of her. But in my life, the things I want seem to happen, but not to work out fully in the end.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I should have learned a lesson from all of this. I am worried about meeting my probation officer Jamie. Maybe I should have learned that people anywhere will die to learn a "juicy" bit of information about someone or something that has happened at a workplace. I have learned that anyone will jump forward and act as if they are a friend to advance the needs of themselves. What will I do with all of this vacation time, knowing that it is all I am ever going to get from being a CSM, besides the memories and the people I have met. I really hope that :) comes over after she gets off of work tonight.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I suppose that during vacation I am going to try and accomplish a few positive things, so that I may redeem some of my self-esteem from losing the position (if it is for sure lost). I feel like getting high. I tried to wait. I just felt something jump on my hand. It was a flea and I do not know where the hell it came from. I ask myself, what should I do about :) or Natalia? I have no direction and I lack the understanding of the future to know what may occur. Maybe I will update my website again, but probably I will just sit here and think, or rather think, in an absent state of mind.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
I still do not want to post exactly what happened up here. I am afraid of what that might mean for me as a CSM in the future. I am scared that it may cast a spell over me and accentuate the bad luck that I already have. If I could meet God I would ask Him if some people were already fated to fail. Maybe my failures will be my success in life. Only time can tell.