goodbye 2008
yes, yes...it's that special time of the year again (AUS time!):
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
in no particular order: puked after drinking at the new years partay with leng and jonjon(i didn't even have that much to drink!), first international trip (australia! and on my own), met a large majority of family from my mom's side and a smaller part of my dad's side in australia, smelled a koala, counseling & as is, got dad's car and being able to drive on my own, road tripped up to tacoma from la with linden, kiss, sex, gf, date date, gyno exam, all the accompanying emotions and thoughts tacked on with a relationship, visited the castro last winter break...stayed there during the summer, legal drink, first new years without the folks and spent winter break 2007-08 with friends in norcal/oregon, gay pride in seattle, visited chicago, met linden's parents, off-campus house at the 709 (stayed there this summer), ikea furniture, driving the uhaul, mcgriddle, made a postcard, asked my parents to help pay next month's rent, info center job, receptionist job, left the alumni office (about time!), student alumni association president, camping at mt. rainier, shore crab collection/worked alone on a scientific IP, mosquito bites, flea bites, the married life, bars, bumbershoot, whale watching with marine biology class, helped bake two dozen red velvet cupcakes, snoqualmie falls, sequim, vashon island, anderson island, salmon beach, pulled out invasive blackberry bushes, tutoring jade, big questions following my vietnam war class, tattoo, threading, voted, first gen kids meeting at ups, greenhouse floor all to myself, shindig in jan, extreme awkward dance at said shindig, hookah, three classes, beginning yoga, beginning bowling, new years day hike with stephie and her fam bam, the end?
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
i don't remember doing this survey last year but it was a good year for me. i want to take all the questions and lessons i've learned from this past year and use them to make next year even better. i have honestly never felt like i've questioned and challenged myself more than i did in 2008 but at the same time i think i held myself back a lot of the time too. i have my relationships and some specific classes to thank for encouraging me to grow more in this way. i want to find myself again.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
paulina gave birth to madelyn.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
my paw-paw, the old apt landlady. some shore crab-lettes.
5. What countries did you visit?
melbourne, australia for winter break! chicago during thanksgiving break, the california coast and beyond during the summer. a bunch of chinatowns in victoria, vancouver, BC with the folks during spring break.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
well i will have the knowledge from living and my choices in 2008. i'd like to actually execute some of the plans i talked and thought about so passionately in the past year, like some reconciliation or closure, something, with my parents; a more developed/applied sense of appreciation, understanding, and respect for all i've learned in 2008. basically to be able to put everything back in action again. always more money, sadly, to save more of it. to not be so afraid of fear itself, but rather to embrace and recognize all that i am and that i feel. to ask for help when i need to. to talk more and more honestly. driving less. posters up on my wall and finish decorating my room. stay rational.
7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory?
the day i got my tattoo, my 21st birthday, linden's 22nd bday, roadtrippin days, april 4th, the last few parts of 2008 when it started getting colder and my thoughts were scattered everywhere. the conversation i had with my mom about prop 8 before election day.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? (no order)
1.) questioning and recognizing
2.) asking for help
3.) my relationship with linden
4.) stepping away from the alumni office, saa president, logger leader (thanks summer)
5.) trying and sticking
6.) staying on my own despite my parents
9. What was your biggest failure? (no order)
1.) asking for incomplete grades
2.) giving in to short-sightedness
3.) forgetting and becoming weaker because of it
4.) drawing money out of savings, the brief unemployment stint
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
i got the gay disease, i think. nothing too serious, maybe SAD who knows. i felt weak and out-of-control at times. intense, but no illness or injury.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
gas money and everything for this summer, the road trip. tattoo. gifties.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
linden when she stuck by me for a good portion of times i wasn't thinking clearly. stephanie for covering up the remaining times and picking up my calls or returning my messages. as is. all prop 8 supporters.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
i did a bit, in relation to linden but isn't that what relationships are? it's been so new and confusing for me but i'm looking to sort through most of it, if not everything, again in the new year. my mom's opinions on prop 8 before election day. some of stephie's behavior perplexed me. arjun was a bit upsetting too following the summer break. amanda was a bitch too with the flea and living situation at linden's house. america's most hated family. bigoted, outspoken mccain supporters.
14. Where did most of your money go?
anything college-related. groceries. summer fun. eating out. gifts/activities. rent, room furniture.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
summer! road trip! my 21st. chicago. australia, after the flight. beginning bowling class. spending time with linden.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
sea wolf - the garden that you planted & the promise (summer)
linden's mixes for me, my mixes for her
the wallflowers - back to california, at the very end
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? before the end of fall semester hit i was beyond happy. i'm still unsure how this winter compares to last winter on the happy-scale, it's just been different.
ii. thinner or fatter? fatter! and i blame linden!
iii. richer or poorer? rich rich rich at the start and then poor poor poor following summer.
iv. more established? i wouldn't really say so but i think i'm getting there again, slowly but surely.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
remembering who i am and what that means in relation to all the ones i love the mostest. staying strong, not forgetting so much. ask for help. not letting things get to me so easily. saving, working harder.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
overthinking, being scared, crying, hiding, lying, procrastinating, being unmotivated, thinking i can change the people around me, spending so much time looking for answers and the truth, spending so much dough, feeling the need to be in control of everything.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
i flew into melbourne, aus and was greeted by my cousins jen and leng. the reception desk had to help me find them. spent the rest of the day with family from my mom's side of the family. very bizarre day.
22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
my linden.
23. How many one-night stands?
zilch.
24. What was your favourite TV program?
the l word, duh. what the fuck was up with season 5's finale though? uuugh! i was also obsessed with the bbc's documentary show with louis theroux during the last months of this year. linden got me hooked on south of nowhere too, sick. i sound so homosexual right now.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
joel elliott's teaching. working with michelle on my animal phys IP.
26. What was the best book you read?
i really liked the stranger by camus. absolutely all the stories i read from my vietnam war class. most readings from my existentialism class. all the books i read with jade. i would like to read more in the future.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
arjun introduced me to sea wolf this summer. a lot of new stuff from linden and her mixes. kate and i have talked lots about music...i still need to trade music with her and jyeo.
28. What did you want and get?
another year at ups, off campus house, summer in tacoma and on my own, linden/relationship, best birthday ever/avenue q (finally!), roadtrip, driving on my own finally, australia trip, met linden's parents and the home she grew up in, challenges + growth.
29. What did you want and not get?
telling my parents the truth, prop 8 protest, strength + clarity + sanity towards the end of the year, a frickin' job (!!) after the summer, reassurances here and there, my savings money to be left untouched.
30. What was your favourite film of this year?
that i saw this year: milk! three seasons. daughter from danang. the killing fields. juno. hard candy. australia and the curious case of benjamin button were also interesting but meh-ish. i liked the story lines.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
21 whee! best.birthday.ever, i swear it. and i'll always remember it: the castro with linden. first legal drink = absinthe, lame dyke bar that was closing shortly after midnight on a thursday, pina colada at mix the gay bar where the drink was free and i was carded (at last!) AND the entire bar sang to me:) next morning (the actual birth-day), mimosas with bfast and goodbye castro. ohh look sutro baths, hey we have to be back in tacoma by tomorrow whoooosh getting lost in that national park in norcal...i swear we were gonna die but that was one of the best and most memorable nights with her ever. sped like a mad man down the 5 in norcal and thru the border into oregon, rest stop for about 3-4 hrs. finally made it to tacoma in time to go up to seattle and have an amazing dinner with friends. avenue q, i loved! no gifts. like i said, best.birthday.ever. and i'll always remember it.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
more time. more money. more confidence and strength. more independence. me staying focused and motivated. truth. more understanding.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
ick more tshirts and jeans, generally speaking. i liked my hair for the most part. i want to chaaaange.
34. What kept you sane?
i imploded a lot and i just went thru the motions. stephanie, at times. the few times i saw dan. writing.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
obama. keith olbermann. harvey milk. nancy bristow.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
the election. prop 8 in cali. the vietnam war. the nazi skinheads and america's most hated family counts?
37. Who did you miss?
my family towards the last half of the year. linden, in parts. the past. little dana. stephie. old friends like nikkay and maria. the alumni office, in part.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
all the relatives i've met in australia from my mom and dad's side. linden's parents. beck, i met this year? my bowling team: holden, jamie, and joey...we kicked ass! got to know arjun and linden more. SAA advisor colleen.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
"hard work DOES pay off…eventually. surround yourself with the right people and good things will come from that. you will both be able to help each other out. sometimes people arent who you really think they are but the real truth in people takes time to uncover. sometimes, its worth the wait and effort to get to know people for who they really are. its not necessarily a good or bad thing, its just a learning experience overall." i wrote that 2 years ago and i feel the same way right now, a little bit. i'd just append to it: real change and answers don't come from truth alone. one has to acknowledge the truths, come to terms with it, and learn from it in order to see some worthwhile results. don't ever forget who you are, be strong. remain strong and independent, remember invictus. communication is key. reminder: jealousy is just another form of insecurity with one's self. discovering myself, my family, culture, and history...it'll always be a never-ending learning process.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"i think about you
maybe more than i should
but the smog is getting old
the drugs i’m taking aren’t so good
so will you talk to me
even though you’ve had a late night
because i need a little help
baby, tell me i’ll be alright
cause everything around me’s changed
but the garden that you planted remains"
i'd like to dedicate this survey to leng tiet and the cranberries. here's to a good 2009!
1. What did you do in 2008 that you'd never done before?
in no particular order: puked after drinking at the new years partay with leng and jonjon(i didn't even have that much to drink!), first international trip (australia! and on my own), met a large majority of family from my mom's side and a smaller part of my dad's side in australia, smelled a koala, counseling & as is, got dad's car and being able to drive on my own, road tripped up to tacoma from la with linden, kiss, sex, gf, date date, gyno exam, all the accompanying emotions and thoughts tacked on with a relationship, visited the castro last winter break...stayed there during the summer, legal drink, first new years without the folks and spent winter break 2007-08 with friends in norcal/oregon, gay pride in seattle, visited chicago, met linden's parents, off-campus house at the 709 (stayed there this summer), ikea furniture, driving the uhaul, mcgriddle, made a postcard, asked my parents to help pay next month's rent, info center job, receptionist job, left the alumni office (about time!), student alumni association president, camping at mt. rainier, shore crab collection/worked alone on a scientific IP, mosquito bites, flea bites, the married life, bars, bumbershoot, whale watching with marine biology class, helped bake two dozen red velvet cupcakes, snoqualmie falls, sequim, vashon island, anderson island, salmon beach, pulled out invasive blackberry bushes, tutoring jade, big questions following my vietnam war class, tattoo, threading, voted, first gen kids meeting at ups, greenhouse floor all to myself, shindig in jan, extreme awkward dance at said shindig, hookah, three classes, beginning yoga, beginning bowling, new years day hike with stephie and her fam bam, the end?
2. Did you keep your new years' resolutions, and will you make more for next year?
i don't remember doing this survey last year but it was a good year for me. i want to take all the questions and lessons i've learned from this past year and use them to make next year even better. i have honestly never felt like i've questioned and challenged myself more than i did in 2008 but at the same time i think i held myself back a lot of the time too. i have my relationships and some specific classes to thank for encouraging me to grow more in this way. i want to find myself again.
3. Did anyone close to you give birth?
paulina gave birth to madelyn.
4. Did anyone close to you die?
my paw-paw, the old apt landlady. some shore crab-lettes.
5. What countries did you visit?
melbourne, australia for winter break! chicago during thanksgiving break, the california coast and beyond during the summer. a bunch of chinatowns in victoria, vancouver, BC with the folks during spring break.
6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?
well i will have the knowledge from living and my choices in 2008. i'd like to actually execute some of the plans i talked and thought about so passionately in the past year, like some reconciliation or closure, something, with my parents; a more developed/applied sense of appreciation, understanding, and respect for all i've learned in 2008. basically to be able to put everything back in action again. always more money, sadly, to save more of it. to not be so afraid of fear itself, but rather to embrace and recognize all that i am and that i feel. to ask for help when i need to. to talk more and more honestly. driving less. posters up on my wall and finish decorating my room. stay rational.
7. What date from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory?
the day i got my tattoo, my 21st birthday, linden's 22nd bday, roadtrippin days, april 4th, the last few parts of 2008 when it started getting colder and my thoughts were scattered everywhere. the conversation i had with my mom about prop 8 before election day.
8. What was your biggest achievement of the year? (no order)
1.) questioning and recognizing
2.) asking for help
3.) my relationship with linden
4.) stepping away from the alumni office, saa president, logger leader (thanks summer)
5.) trying and sticking
6.) staying on my own despite my parents
9. What was your biggest failure? (no order)
1.) asking for incomplete grades
2.) giving in to short-sightedness
3.) forgetting and becoming weaker because of it
4.) drawing money out of savings, the brief unemployment stint
10. Did you suffer illness or injury?
i got the gay disease, i think. nothing too serious, maybe SAD who knows. i felt weak and out-of-control at times. intense, but no illness or injury.
11. What was the best thing you bought?
gas money and everything for this summer, the road trip. tattoo. gifties.
12. Whose behaviour merited celebration?
linden when she stuck by me for a good portion of times i wasn't thinking clearly. stephanie for covering up the remaining times and picking up my calls or returning my messages. as is. all prop 8 supporters.
13. Whose behaviour made you appalled and depressed?
i did a bit, in relation to linden but isn't that what relationships are? it's been so new and confusing for me but i'm looking to sort through most of it, if not everything, again in the new year. my mom's opinions on prop 8 before election day. some of stephie's behavior perplexed me. arjun was a bit upsetting too following the summer break. amanda was a bitch too with the flea and living situation at linden's house. america's most hated family. bigoted, outspoken mccain supporters.
14. Where did most of your money go?
anything college-related. groceries. summer fun. eating out. gifts/activities. rent, room furniture.
15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?
summer! road trip! my 21st. chicago. australia, after the flight. beginning bowling class. spending time with linden.
16. What song will always remind you of 2008?
sea wolf - the garden that you planted & the promise (summer)
linden's mixes for me, my mixes for her
the wallflowers - back to california, at the very end
17. Compared to this time last year, are you:
i. happier or sadder? before the end of fall semester hit i was beyond happy. i'm still unsure how this winter compares to last winter on the happy-scale, it's just been different.
ii. thinner or fatter? fatter! and i blame linden!
iii. richer or poorer? rich rich rich at the start and then poor poor poor following summer.
iv. more established? i wouldn't really say so but i think i'm getting there again, slowly but surely.
18. What do you wish you'd done more of?
remembering who i am and what that means in relation to all the ones i love the mostest. staying strong, not forgetting so much. ask for help. not letting things get to me so easily. saving, working harder.
19. What do you wish you'd done less of?
overthinking, being scared, crying, hiding, lying, procrastinating, being unmotivated, thinking i can change the people around me, spending so much time looking for answers and the truth, spending so much dough, feeling the need to be in control of everything.
20. How will you be spending Christmas?
i flew into melbourne, aus and was greeted by my cousins jen and leng. the reception desk had to help me find them. spent the rest of the day with family from my mom's side of the family. very bizarre day.
22. Did you fall in love in 2008?
my linden.
23. How many one-night stands?
zilch.
24. What was your favourite TV program?
the l word, duh. what the fuck was up with season 5's finale though? uuugh! i was also obsessed with the bbc's documentary show with louis theroux during the last months of this year. linden got me hooked on south of nowhere too, sick. i sound so homosexual right now.
25. Do you hate anyone now that you didn't hate this time last year?
joel elliott's teaching. working with michelle on my animal phys IP.
26. What was the best book you read?
i really liked the stranger by camus. absolutely all the stories i read from my vietnam war class. most readings from my existentialism class. all the books i read with jade. i would like to read more in the future.
27. What was your greatest musical discovery?
arjun introduced me to sea wolf this summer. a lot of new stuff from linden and her mixes. kate and i have talked lots about music...i still need to trade music with her and jyeo.
28. What did you want and get?
another year at ups, off campus house, summer in tacoma and on my own, linden/relationship, best birthday ever/avenue q (finally!), roadtrip, driving on my own finally, australia trip, met linden's parents and the home she grew up in, challenges + growth.
29. What did you want and not get?
telling my parents the truth, prop 8 protest, strength + clarity + sanity towards the end of the year, a frickin' job (!!) after the summer, reassurances here and there, my savings money to be left untouched.
30. What was your favourite film of this year?
that i saw this year: milk! three seasons. daughter from danang. the killing fields. juno. hard candy. australia and the curious case of benjamin button were also interesting but meh-ish. i liked the story lines.
31. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?
21 whee! best.birthday.ever, i swear it. and i'll always remember it: the castro with linden. first legal drink = absinthe, lame dyke bar that was closing shortly after midnight on a thursday, pina colada at mix the gay bar where the drink was free and i was carded (at last!) AND the entire bar sang to me:) next morning (the actual birth-day), mimosas with bfast and goodbye castro. ohh look sutro baths, hey we have to be back in tacoma by tomorrow whoooosh getting lost in that national park in norcal...i swear we were gonna die but that was one of the best and most memorable nights with her ever. sped like a mad man down the 5 in norcal and thru the border into oregon, rest stop for about 3-4 hrs. finally made it to tacoma in time to go up to seattle and have an amazing dinner with friends. avenue q, i loved! no gifts. like i said, best.birthday.ever. and i'll always remember it.
32. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?
more time. more money. more confidence and strength. more independence. me staying focused and motivated. truth. more understanding.
33. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?
ick more tshirts and jeans, generally speaking. i liked my hair for the most part. i want to chaaaange.
34. What kept you sane?
i imploded a lot and i just went thru the motions. stephanie, at times. the few times i saw dan. writing.
35. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?
obama. keith olbermann. harvey milk. nancy bristow.
36. What political issue stirred you the most?
the election. prop 8 in cali. the vietnam war. the nazi skinheads and america's most hated family counts?
37. Who did you miss?
my family towards the last half of the year. linden, in parts. the past. little dana. stephie. old friends like nikkay and maria. the alumni office, in part.
38. Who was the best new person you met?
all the relatives i've met in australia from my mom and dad's side. linden's parents. beck, i met this year? my bowling team: holden, jamie, and joey...we kicked ass! got to know arjun and linden more. SAA advisor colleen.
39. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008:
"hard work DOES pay off…eventually. surround yourself with the right people and good things will come from that. you will both be able to help each other out. sometimes people arent who you really think they are but the real truth in people takes time to uncover. sometimes, its worth the wait and effort to get to know people for who they really are. its not necessarily a good or bad thing, its just a learning experience overall." i wrote that 2 years ago and i feel the same way right now, a little bit. i'd just append to it: real change and answers don't come from truth alone. one has to acknowledge the truths, come to terms with it, and learn from it in order to see some worthwhile results. don't ever forget who you are, be strong. remain strong and independent, remember invictus. communication is key. reminder: jealousy is just another form of insecurity with one's self. discovering myself, my family, culture, and history...it'll always be a never-ending learning process.
40. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year:
"i think about you
maybe more than i should
but the smog is getting old
the drugs i’m taking aren’t so good
so will you talk to me
even though you’ve had a late night
because i need a little help
baby, tell me i’ll be alright
cause everything around me’s changed
but the garden that you planted remains"
i'd like to dedicate this survey to leng tiet and the cranberries. here's to a good 2009!