(Naruto) Lost
Lost
Sometimes, rarely, but it happens, Naruto gets tired. He gets tired of chasing down his best friend, when Sasuke has no intention of returning. He gets tired of spending months and chakra following dead ends. He gets tired of endless fights and failing to win them (for, even now, he still is second best). He gets tired of trying to figure out what to do next, of what will make them finally succeed in their goal. And he gets tired of trying to pull out the traitor from the darkness.
After all, this has been going on for so many years. And people change over time.
When he thinks about it, which he tries hard not to, as it will make him falter, Naruto realizes that Sasuke might not want to be rescued. That he might never return and end up wandering forever. That Sasuke might be too far gone in, that his inner demon might take control. That the Uchiha survivor might snap, and fade away forever. That all of their attempts at rescuing are futile.
That he might not be able to keep his promise to Sakura.
However, after he thinks this, Naruto looks at Sakura and falls. Hard. Into her eyes. Seeing her determination (and remembering her crush on Sasuke, the lovefeelingsemotions that he will never receive from her, at least not the way he wants it), he crumbles. He can’t give up when she still believes that they can win. He can’t stop now, for she still will go on-he can’t let her get hurt by letting her see that their goal might be impossible. So, he puts on a brave face and gives his infamous grin, and heads off again.
He might as well continue to try, just for her.
If he thinks about reality, he knows that he might fail. That they might fail and lose Sasuke forever. However, he’d rather live in a world of fantasy if that means he can make Sakura smile, not the same smile she used to give Him (and it hurts to think that she’d never smile at him like that), but a smile nevertheless. If that means he can make her happy, give her another reason to live on. If that means that he can make her still think that there is hope and possibilities; that she can still be a dreamer.
If that means that he can still believe that his friend has good in him.
There are moments, hidden carefully but there nevertheless, when Sakura wants to stop. She wants to stop trying for the impossible, attempting to catch the shadow of her former teammate. She wants to stop risking her team’s-her friends’-lives on this foolish wishhopedream that they can actually save him from himself. She wants them to stop looking for a glimpse of light in him, a light that might have been long extinguished.
But most of all, she wants to stop loving him.
And sometimes, she succeeds. She hates him, is angry at him, thinks of him as some (traitorous) missing nin. And sometimes, when she tries to stop her emotions, she realizes that it’s best if she-they-forget about him entirely. Because ever since the day he nearly killed Naruto, ever since the day he chose to go down that dark path, she worries. She worries that he might be too far gone in, too lost. She worries that he might be stuck in the darkness, beyond saving. That even if they rescue him, he will remain trapped. Trapped in the nightmare his brother left him all those years ago. That any light, any happiness, any love that tries to make its way to him will disappear, engulfed by his sorrow and swallowed by his loneliness.
A loneliness that he has had for too long, a sorrow that runs too deep.
That’s when she realizes she still loves him. And after deciding not to rely on anyone anymore, she acts strong. She acts as if she doesn’t doubt the fact that he will return and that her heart is set in stone. She pretends that she knows that they won’t fail. For, if she stops believing, Naruto would be crushed. Naruto, with is brilliant eyes and summer hair, who keeps pushing her-them-into action. For Naruto is a child of the summer (his looks and behaviour tells that much), a child of fire. A boy-no, man-who will not give up on his goals. Naruto is someone who will not stop trying to save their friend. So she will not either. She will keep trying to accomplish this desire.
At least, this way, her world of dreams remains there, happy and complete, untouched by time and reality.
A/N: Well, here is a…holiday gift to you all!
…though it is not really cheery….
I also wrote another story based on this, only it is in Sasuke’s point of view. It’s called Home.