(Naruto) Masks
Masks
Reason # 3871 why s-makn should not own Naruto: If she did, she probably would have a short life and be dead, seeing as she would make Sasuke and Sakura end up together, and therefore have a huge stampede of girls (fangirls of Sasuke, or of Sasuke and Naruto, or of even Naruto and Sakura) planning her demise. Yes, it is a very good thing that she does not own it (nobody likes to plan their own funeral).
Dedicated to Missa (or rather HPBabe91, as she does not know me that well…I’m just a fan of her writing). Happy (belated) Birthday!
Smiling as she ran down the street, Sakura yelled out greetings to people as she passed them. “Good Morning! How’s your back?” she asked an old lady, her eyes shining with concern. “Much better. Thank you, dear,” the old lady replied. Waving goodbye, Sakura went on her way, asking other people how they were.
“Sakura was born kind,” the old lady thought. And as the pink-haired girl grinned while she continued to go to the hospital, the watching villagers also thought, “She is always so happy.”
Now if you were to ask anyone, from a villager to one of her teammates, about the girl’s personality, they could tell you just by looking at her. “She’s an open book. Just look at her eyes, and you can tell if she’s happy, angry, or sad. She just can’t hide her emotions,” they would tell you.
And when you hear the pained yells of her wounded, blonde teammate, and see her hit him on the head for angering her, you seem to think, they’re right. You really wouldn’t have any other reasons not to think that. After all, she always shows how she’s feeling, whether she means to or not.
Like when Sasuke died and she cried her sorrow out. She was so afraid for him, and when he came back to life, she just couldn’t help but hug him. The teary, green-eyed girl was relieved, after all.
Feeling her shattered heart get put back together (not perfectly, though).
Or like the incident in the Forest of Death, when Naruto rescued them from Orochimaru. The terrified cherry blossom was disappointed that her hero, the raven-haired prodigy, could not rescue them from the enemy. She was proud that her teammate, even though he was annoying sometimes, was able to help them.
Ignoring the pain that told her, ‘Do something. Don’t be weak’.
Even later, when her onyx-eyed crush broke her heart once again, when he left the village, the girl showed her feelings. She cried for days, brokenhearted. She had fully opened her heart, only to have it rejected.
This time, her heart didn’t mend. It remained broken.
Another example is when Naruto returned from his training journey. The medic-nin was overjoyed, even though she ended up pounding him to the ground.
Her soul cried out, “I’m not alone any more.”
So, as you can see, Sakura always shows her emotions. At least, that is what it appears to be like. But really, what do you know about the girl.
Do you know of the tears she cries at night, trying to get rid of her nightmares? Of how she falls asleep, recalling Sasuke’s departure, and the way she was weak? Of how she could do nothing, nothing at all, to stop him?
Do you know of how, every morning of the time Naruto was gone, she had to force herself to wake? To cope with the reality of him, the blond idiot, not grinning to her in the morning, asking for a date? That he won’t be reminding her that she is strong, even when she thinks she’s weak?
When she trains by herself, she looks up at the sky and is reminded of her sensei, of how he left her (not on purpose, of course, it is just that she wasn’t as noticeable as her teammates). Of how, when the boys needed the training, Kakashi-sensei would help them, but when she would ask, she would get a ‘not now, maybe tomorrow’. Of how she used to be so weak (now she’s strong, but still…she can’t hide that feeling that she won’t ever be good enough).
Meeting her friends, she recalls each and every one of her mistakes. How she became rivals with Ino (she really regrets that, and wishes that she had not broken their friendship). How she hurt Naruto, even when he was only trying to help (every time she sees him grin, she wonders if he’s hiding his pain). How, when they finally meet Sasuke again, after all those years, he still looks like he’s lost (and when she sees those dead, oh so dead, eyes, she wonders if she really could have saved him).
So she tries to make up for it. Whenever she has to buy patients flowers and go shopping, she always tries to get her pig-headed friend’s advice.
Forcing herself to call Ino names, just to make it seem like nothing has changed. Even though after, she whispers an apology.
When Naruto says something silly, Sakura hits him on the head, infuriated, trying to make him realize it is wrong. Or when he has no one to go to, she asks him to eat lunch with her.
Afterwards, she heals him, as if that will wash away the pain. And even if she doesn’t have the effort to hit him, she does. He’s lost so much already, she doesn’t want to change and hurt him any more. She’s done enough of that.
When they fight Sasuke, because they have to save him, rescue him, she doesn’t give up. After all, he’s already given up on himself, and she wants to, needs to, show him, that it isn’t too late for him.
Hidden behind her determination was her sorrow, the breaking of her heart and soul. After all, it already looks like he’s lost for good, as he doesn’t seem to recognize them, doesn’t seem to have any of his old self any more.
She tried to grow stronger; she doesn’t want to be left behind again. She had enough of that when she was younger. She tries to get over her love for the Uchiha, her anger towards Uzamaki; tries, oh so hard, to be strong for them. They need her to be, whether they admit it or not. So she tries to not show any feelings, tries to be perfect. If she isn’t, she knows she let them down.
And she hates herself even more when she realizes she still loves the traitor. That she isn’t perfect, and still is insecure. That she still feels like her younger self, being bullied, and wanting to be rescued.
Sometimes, just sometimes, the mask on her face falls, the perfect control over her emotions breaks. Sometimes, rarely, you can see her true feelings, her feelings of confusion, sorrow, of being lost. However, if you were to comment to her about them, the mask quickly slips back on, and she will smile and say that everything is alright.
And then try to make sure that she doesn’t do that again. After all, after all those years of having been called a failure, she doesn’t want to fail again. She doesn’t want to make a mistake; she’d rather have her friends blissfully unaware of her pain. She’s selfish that way (or at least, she thinks so), as she’d rather try to dig her way out of her mess and not cause anyone else to suffer with her (she’s done that enough all ready, she doesn’t want to be weak again).
Perhaps one day, that fake twinkle in her eyes, that pretend smile on her lips, will become real. Maybe one day, she will show her true emotions, her real feelings, instead of just faking it. Who knows, she might actually get over her insecurity and confide her deepest thoughts to someone, anyone, before she finally breaks from suppressing her feelings.
However, that will take some time. After all, she is afraid of rejection, of being abandoned. Last time she told her feelings, told them to Him, she was shot down. It is hard for her to get over things like that, even though she acts like she’s fine. After all…
Emotions are just an illusion.
A/N: That went…ok…To be exact, it could have been better (I envisioned something else when I read this.