it's been awhile since i've written, so i suppose i will update a bit ( Read more... )

everything seems hopeless and a catalyst for misery. i feel myself settling back into old habits. the only thing i have to look forward to is quitting work, but even that leaves me with a feeling of unease. i'm not sure if i am making the right choice. william says he might be okay to come down for the wedding in 6 to 8 weeks. that's a long ( Read more... )

so no wedding last night. i drove up to GA the other day so william and i could spend the weekend together even if we weren't getting married. i considered stabbing him in the throat while he slept...i decided against it, since i still do want to get married at some point. my mom called me last night just to let me know that the evening was ( Read more... )

so the wedding is off for the moment. i guess the correct term would be postponed. most everyone who reads this already knows, but i thought it beared repeating. last night i was devestated, but now i am acquiescent. it's not something i can change i guess, so acceptance is better than driving myself crazy. last night it could have gone either ( Read more... )

okay, so it's been awhile since i've updated. i will try to handle this moving from the day after christmas until now. let's do this.

26th december:i went running around 5:30 and then my mom, stella, and i went to target at 7 when they opened so i could get lights for the reception at half off. i bought all i needed--as well as a cookie press-- ( Read more... )

so i realize i haven't written for a while, but i have been rather busy with all this planning. it seems like my days have been consumed with itineraries for the future. william is more than happy to let me have control over all of it, which is nice because i prefer to do things my way, but it is also stressful. it is, however, a nice and ( Read more... )

this wedding stuff is sorting itself out, but still it is killing me to settle up the plans, try to figure out a move overseas, and try to pretend i care about my job even though i won't be there past february 2nd. meh. that life of leisure doesn't look too bad at moments like these. actually, i would like to work seriously on getting something ( Read more... )

this shit is stressing me out. i have the wedding to plan, christmas to shop for, and a three year trip to germany to work out...not to mention 10 hours at work and that is considered lax. i am an amalgamation of emotions: excitement, anxiety, anticipation, dread. i sound like an existentialist novel.

okay. i'm getting married on january 13th. you are all invited. i will actually have invitations at some point. there will be food and alcohol. i guess that's all there is. maybe music, which i will be picking. i'm going to be stressed out because william can't help me with this and my mom is flipping out (in a good way). meh. this was ( Read more... )

so developments. william is going to europe. i think we might be getting married. if i go with him, i will be leaving in february. nothing is certain; but there is a high probability of the aforementioned coming to fruition. i love him. i can imagine us happy. but i'm still not sure. i am so moody and mercurial. when the world assaults ( Read more... )