You Are Not Your Yesterday: Chapter Twelve: Page 23
Title: You Are Not Your Yesterday
by Jesterlady
Pairing: Robin/Regina
Summary: At the end of S5, Robin has died and his soul is saved from destruction by the Greek god Zeus, but he is presumed gone forever. Regina is devastated with grief and struggling with her own darkness. After she removes her evil half, the Evil Queen doppelganger begins to wreak havoc on everyone in Storybrooke, finally making a wish that creates a whole new realm and provides a way for Zeus to send Robin’s soul into an alternate self. But this Robin doesn’t know who he is, having an alternate set of villainous memories. When he and Regina meet again, they must struggle with the disconnect and longing they both feel. Can he reclaim his heroic self? Can Regina accept her own dark past and defeat the Evil Queen? And can their true love win through the trials that would reunite them?
Disclaimer: I don't own OUAT. Some lines are from the show. The title is from Ann Voskamp
I really thought the show missed the mark with the return of Robin Hood on the show. So I wanted to take this opportunity to write the story in the way that made sense to me.
I wanted to focus on Zelena and Regina’s relationship here as well, making it a lot more intentional than canon. I think Zelena provides a great foil for Regina’s growth, and I think Zelena’s character deserves better. It provided a way for me to delve into Regina’s growth, her understanding and acceptance of redemption, and how she will continue to be strong and fight. In allowing Robin to go through his own villainous redemption, it gave them an equal ground they hadn’t been able to share before.
I have strong feelings about the Wish Realm. Apart from the its creation, I hated how it was used (so illogical)! So just to be clear, in this story the Wish Realm is not real. Only Robin (with a real soul inside him) can come through to the other side; it collapses as soon as Emma (the point of it) leaves. We see this as Wish Rumple tries to leave and wasn’t able to. This also explains why Robin (and characters connected to him) were young when everyone else had aged.
You definitely need to be familiar with S6 to read this fic. I do ignore a lot of S6 ie Gideon and Black Fairy. You can assume those things are happening alongside of the main events, but I’m ignoring it and deliberately changing where it intersects, because the story needed to focus on Robin and Regina and have a resolved ending that didn’t immediately jump into the next problem.
Robin reached his camp and stayed there until dark. There wasn’t a lot to do in the woods, but he didn’t need entertainment or company. He needed solitude and quiet, and the woods always provided that for him. Sitting against a tree, he did not even feel the need for a light. The strangeness of the forest was not daunting. Though he’d only roamed them a few times over the last few days, their paths opened themselves to him like he’d walked them for much longer, and the trees were like images imposed over something he could have sworn he used to know.
He needed space to think about the event with Regina and Zelena at the town line. Something had happened there that he didn’t understand; Regina had changed something in herself. He still believed it was better this way, that he go, but he was uneasy as to why she looked more at peace than she had since he’d met her. Sad, yes, but at peace.
As he sat there, Robin became aware of a sliding movement above him and then started when he realized it was a snake, a large, downward moving snake, very close to his head. He tried to remain calm-snakes were outside of his realm of expertise, but he knew not to spook wild creatures.
“Easy, there,” he said, as the snake began to slither down his arm.
He kept his eyes on it, hoping that it was simply trying to use him as the quickest means of getting to the ground. When it reached his hand, there was a quick sting and he hissed in pain.
But before he could move or make any kind of decision, there was a small poof of smoke and a woman stood before him.
It was Regina, but she was dressed in a flashy silver dress, catching all the moonlight and blinding him. Dark makeup emphasized her beauty, and her hair was marked with jewels. She looked much more like he would have expected her to look back in his world. He stared at her, unsure what was happening.
“Hope that didn't sting,” she said carelessly. “A bit of that anti-magic potion stuck to you in the blast. And, well, as you can see, I needed some. So, thanks.”
“I left you at the town line,” he said, not even knowing what he was saying.
“You left Regina at the town line,” she corrected.
His mind finally put it together: snake, evil half, magic.
“You are Regina,” he began, but she stiffened.
“I'm the Evil Queen. You, of all people, should recognize a doppelganger when you see one. There's two of us now.”
“I get that,” he said. “I just meant that you were her other half.”
“That’s a poor way of putting it,” she said, inspecting herself, as if anxious to make sure she was all in one piece.
“Look,” he said, treading carefully. “I don’t care who is whose half. I just want to get out of here.”
“Well, that's a shame,” she said, studying him closer than he cared for, “because there's nothing for you out there.”
“Nothing you can say will keep me in this abysmal hamlet a moment longer than I need to be.”
“Abysmal hamlet?” she quoted back, laughing, the sound both mocking and enticing. “Sounds like you haven't had the right tour guide. But now you do. And when I'm done with you, you'll have a whole new appreciation of what Storybrooke has to offer.”
“I’m good on my own, thanks,” he said warily.
“Oh relax, I’m not here to do away with you. I’m just someone trying to get what she wants, just like you.”
“I have a plan.”
“Oh, Regina,” she said, nodding sarcastically. “Like she’s ever going to really let you go. Her long-lost love. She’ll make up excuse after excuse and she’ll likely believe them herself, but, trust me, you’re stuck if you depend on her.”
He didn’t want to believe her, but it was possible she had a point. Besides, it was fascinating to watch her, like and so unlike the woman he’d been dancing around for days.
“And what’s your grand plan?”
“I thought you’d never ask,” she said, holding out a hand and beckoning him to come after. “You’ll just have to follow and find out.”
Robin hesitated, wondering what he was getting himself into. On the other hand, he couldn’t afford to waste any resources. His motto was he’d work with anyone if they got him what he wanted, so he followed the dark woman into the night.
---
Regina hurried, Zelena at her side, and she was heart-glad that she could count on Zelena’s support. With the Queen on the loose again, they needed all the help they could get.
Walking into the loft, they saw David asleep in the bed while Snow had her turn awake; they interrupted a discussion between Emma, Snow, and Henry.
“I don’t want to deal with it with everything else going on,” Emma was saying.
“You’re going to have to,” Regina said, though she had no idea what Emma was referring to.
“What?” Emma turned around.
Before Regina could say anything, Zelena had latched onto Emma’s left hand and held it up to the light, revealing a diamond ring on a very important finger.
“Is that a rock?
Emma actually blushed and then smiled more largely than Regina’s heart could contain. She’d never seen Emma quite so happy.
“Hook proposed.”
“Emma.” Regina smiled herself, her worry overshadowed by joy. “I’m so happy for you.”
“Thanks,” Emma said, “but what’s the big emergency?”
“Oh, that,” Zelena said, rolling her eyes. “What else but little sis and her dark side?”
Regina shot Zelena an irritated, but affectionate glare.
“What happened?” Snow asked. “She’s still a snake, right?”
“We don’t know,” Regina said. “We just know she’s gone and, with her out there, who knows what could happen?”
“Well, then we’d best start looking for her,” Emma agreed. “I’ll get my jacket.”
“Mom,” Henry said, “how did she get out?”
“I’m not entirely sure,” Regina replied.
“I don’t get how she wasn’t in her cage where we left her?” Snow probed.
Regina exchanged another glance with Zelena and would have replied if Zelena hadn’t beaten her to it.
“That one’s on me, I’m afraid. I was sort of planning on leaving and taking her with me.”
“What?” Emma asked.
“Oh, no worries, I’m staying. I know how terribly you’d all miss me.”
“Zelena,” Regina warned.
Zelena laughed a little.
“It’s the truth. But sorry, it might take me a little while to become accustomed to such things like sincerity.”
“I have every faith in you,” Regina replied, then turned to the others. “It’s not a big deal, it’s handled, though I did promise Robin I’d help him leave Storybrooke if he really wants to. But that’s going to have to take a back seat until we find the Queen, wherever she is and whatever form she’s in.”
“Then there’s no use standing around here,” Snow said. “We need to hunt her down.”
Regina nodded. It was true that in Storybrooke there was very little time to relax. While she could do with less evil incursions and threats against people’s safety, she was beginning to find that she was rather accustomed to this life, even suited to it. If faced with the choice between a town frozen and a town under siege, she’d pick the siege. She’d tried to numb the pain that way, but now she was learning she had to face it head on.
---
Robin walked beside the Evil Queen cautiously, used to working with double-crossers, but never easy when doing so.
“So, if you don’t mind me asking, how come there’s two of you?”
“Regina didn’t mention her little attempt to pull out the darkness in herself?”
“I got the gist, but not really the whole story. I don’t suppose you’re willing to be more open?”
She laughed.
“Well, I am generally more direct, but I can see why she’d want to keep me her dirty little secret from you. The truth is, if it were up to her, I'd no longer exist.”
“If you’re implying because I might be recoiled by the darkness in her, I’m afraid it’s just the opposite,” he said carefully. “I’m not like her Robin. And I’m no hero.”
“A Robin after my own heart,” she purred.
This kind of flirting he could work with; it came with less entanglement of the heart.
“Well, since you're the ne'er-do-well version of Regina, just as I am with the other Robin, there’s actually somebody in this town I have something in common with.”
She looked at him, haughtiness rampant in her words.
“I beg your pardon? I'm a queen, not some burlap-loving peasant who sleeps in dirt.”
“Excuse me,” he retorted. “I sleep on hay. Which is on dirt, but there is . . . separation. No matter. You can insult me all you want. It doesn't change the fact that you and I are alike. We both know that we don't belong here.”
It turned out any version of Regina was able to get under his skin, but he was betting he could get under hers too.
“Perhaps.”
“So maybe I had the solution,” he prompted.
“New York? I think not.”
“I suppose you know where I should go, then?”
“Going somewhere isn’t the answer,” she said, stopping. “Why all the travel when you can arrange where you are to suit your purpose?”
“And just how is that supposed to happen?”
“I have my ways,” she smiled winningly.
“And what do you get out of the bargain?” he asked, all his suspicions raised.
“Well, you're a thief, aren't you? I want you to steal something.”
She gestured around them and he frowned.
“This is a graveyard.”
“Bodies aren't the only things buried here,” she said, then pointed. “But I thought you’d enjoy a little preview of why it is you could make your home here.”
Robin followed her finger until his eyes landed on a grave with his own name on it. Something twisted in his stomach. It was one thing to know another version of him was dead, it was entirely different to be faced with the dead-weight fact of it.
Flowers lay around the neatly trimmed headstone and Robin felt a lurch of envy at how much the other Robin was missed. No one would miss him were he to die. For a moment, he wished he could have what that man had, be what that man was, but he resolutely pushed away the desire. It was far too late for that.
“What are you after?” he asked the Queen, turning back to her. “What exactly is this about?”
“Please stop asking questions,” she said, handing him a magically-appearing shovel. “Dig.”
Robin took the shovel without further comment and began to dig where she indicated, feeling some release in the physical exercise, but ever more annoyed with each heave of dirt out of the hole. He had no idea why he was doing this. Helping this woman felt like a betrayal, even though he’d made Regina no promises. It felt wrong, but then that’s what he was, so why not? He knew he couldn’t take living like this much longer and waiting for Regina to figure out how to break the protection barrier seemed like it would take too long.
Better to figure out how to make the Queen break it, since she was the one who’d put it up.
“Couldn't you use magic to dig this hole?”
“You're right, but what would be the fun in that?” she asked, inspecting her nails, while his kept getting dirtier. “You don't mind a little dirty work, do you?” His shovel hit something solid with a clank and he climbed out of the hole. “And there it is . . . the sound of my victory.”
She reached down and pulled out a box. When she opened it, Robin could see a pair of golden scissors inside.
“Really?” he scoffed.
“Don't underestimate them,” she warned. “These blades are enchanted. Capable of cutting a person from their fate. The last Savior used them on himself and brought them over to Storybrooke in my curse.”
Robin felt uneasy as he realized what the Queen must want them for.
“You want to use them on Regina . . . to break her from her destiny.”
The Queen smiled at him.
“Oh, no. My plan for her involves something much more permanent. I'm going to use these blades to finally separate us, so once and for all . . . I can destroy her.”
Something in Robin twisted, and he finally knew with a certainty, that hero or not, he didn’t want Regina hurt. Despite his walls, despite the differences between them, there was a part of him that cared for her. She didn’t deserve that fate. And it was his fault she might get it.
Oh, he knew the Queen could have gotten the scissors without him, but it had been his plan that brought her out into the open and in proximity to a magic cure that he’d requested. Somehow, he’d have to make this right.
“That sounds a bit drastic,” he said cautiously.
“Oh, don’t go soft on me now,” she said, tutting at him. “I have such big plans for you.”
“Maybe I’d like to know more before I agree to said plans,” he said.
“Well, if you’re not going to be any fun,” she said, twitching her hand, and he found himself suddenly tied to a tree, “you’ll have to be bait.”
Robin’s heart sank within him, but a niggling thought reminded him not to give up hope, not yet. Perhaps he could wiggle out of this and do something to stop her. In the midst of his furious planning, he didn’t even mind the fact that he was thinking of someone else above himself.
---
Regina hurried into the Sheriff’s station, following Emma. When they got inside, they found what they’d been called there to see.
Regina stared down at the picture of a future she had once thought would be hers. It was ripped and taped back together. She had tried to let go of it many times, but somehow, this page always made its way back to her. Now the Queen had found it and was using it against her. Regina refused to allow it to fill her with despair once more.
“Wait,” Snow said, staring at it and the note written on it telling Regina to go to her office alone. “Isn't that . . .?”
“The page that magically appeared to me with what I thought could be an ending to my story with Robin,” Regina confirmed, “a happy ending. Instead, it was just a cruel twist of fate, showing me an ending that could never be.”
“What does it mean?” Henry asked.
“It means the Evil Queen has found him-the other Robin, that is-and she wants me to know that she'll hurt him unless I face her.”
"One last time,” Snow read off the note. “Wait. How is that even possible? She can't hurt you without hurting herself.”
“Unless, of course, she figured out a way,” Zelena proposed.
“Regina, you can't go. You'd be walking into a trap,” Emma warned.
“Well, we can't just leave Robin,” Regina answered.
“We won't. I'll go,” Emma said. “This is my fault. I'm the one who convinced you to bring him here.”
Regina shook her head; she was done not taking responsibility for her own actions.
“This is on me. Emma, you don't have anything to make up for. You were just trying to help.”
“Regina, what are you gonna do?” Emma said.
Worry was all over everyone’s faces and Regina knew they had a right to be worried. Whatever trick the Queen had up her sleeve could very well be deadly and they had no idea what it was. But on the other hand, Regina felt a strange calm within her. This was the right path.
“Go alone. This is my battle to fight, and it has been ever since I tried to destroy my dark side up on that rooftop in New York.”
“You can't do this yourself; Emma's right,” Snow insisted.
“I have to. If I don't, this won't just end with Robin getting hurt. She'll hurt everyone I care about-all of you. And I can't let that happen.” Regina shook her head, resolve strong in every cell of her body. “The Evil Queen is going to get what she wants. Our fight ends today.”
“How can you be so sure?” Zelena asked, her tone strangely devoid of mockery.
Regina smiled at her.
“I just am. I finally know what I’m supposed to do and I’m going to do it and I’m not going to let anything get in my way. Not even myself.”
Zelena studied her for a moment before slowly nodding.
“Then good luck, sis.”
“Thanks,” Regina said. “I’ll probably need it.”
Henry looked worried at that so Regina gave him a strong hug.
“We’re here if you call,” Emma said.
“Of course, thank you.”
Regina took one last look at them and headed out to face her own darkness. This had been a long time coming, but so much was riding on her ability to overcome the inner battle that had taken over her beloved town. She would clean up her own mess, save a version of the man she loved, or, quite possibly, die trying.
---
Robin adjusted his weight carefully, assessing with expertise the amount of slack he had in his ropes. While no longer tied to a tree, he was still tied to a chair in Regina’s office and escape was uppermost on his mind. He’d watched the Queen deliver a message to Regina, so it wasn’t as if he needed to warn her, but what he did need to do was remove himself from the equation so the Queen had nothing as leverage. Fortunately, he was quite good at using his mouth and his hands at the same time.
“Can't say this is exactly what I had in mind when I offered my services, unless I'm misreading the signals and things are about to take a much more exciting turn,” he said, as the Queen looked out the window of the office.
“Keep dreaming,” she said, but she chuckled.
Robin grinned to himself as he found the right loop to manipulate and quickly made work of the knots. Now he just needed to keep her distracted long enough to get away.
“Too bad. Uh, but I'm afraid you may have grossly overestimated my importance to her. I mean, Regina may have charged in to save Robin the hero's life, but me? Much less likely.”
Robin made to quietly stand up and back away, but the ropes flew into the air and reattached themselves around him. He was confused and sat there staring for a moment. When he looked up, the Queen was looking at him with an amused smile.
“Enchanted ropes. The only way you're going anywhere is if I allow it. And that's not going to happen until I lure Regina here and destroy her.”
Clearly escape was not an option, so Robin needed to try another tactic.
“Do you really think killing Regina is gonna solve your problems? All it will do is make a martyr of her, and then nobody will be able to look at you without thinking of her. Believe me, that part is no fun at all.”
“Oh, well, I suppose you have a better idea.”
“As a matter of fact, I do. Release me.”
“Why the hell would I do that?” she asked, raising a perfect eyebrow.
“Because we don’t belong here,” he said, thinking quickly, but conscious that he was saying words that felt true as he said them. “Maybe Regina was right. Maybe there is a reason that I'm here, and it’s to help put you to rest.”
“You’re not exactly helping your cause,” she said. “What are you even blithering about?”
“You’re tired, hunted, exhausted by the guilt of your sins, and there’s no one who will give you a second chance,” he said. “Even your son has given up on you from what I heard.”
She looked sharply at him and he felt the ropes grip him just a little bit tighter. Inwardly, he smiled, because that had to mean he was getting through to her.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, attempting a carefree laugh. “I’m fine.”
“No, you’re an imposter,” he said, “just like me. You don’t belong and you never will. Every victory will be just another chain around your neck, because you’re not supposed to exist.”
“I think it’s time that you keep your mouth shut,” she said, flushing red.
“I'd think about it if I was you. Because regardless of how things go down here today, you and I both know . . . in a town full of heroes, a villain like you doesn't stand a chance.”
“The only one who doesn't stand a chance is my,” she hesitated, before smiling cruelly, “better half.”
Robin shook his head, but judged that it was best to keep silent again. He’d planted some sort of seed, hopefully enough of one to help Regina when she came. Because he had no doubt she would. The woman he’d met and gotten to know over the last while had proven herself a hero time and again. While he was . . . well, his words had been for himself as well. Because he was just as empty and formless as the Queen, a wish made flesh, void of anything good, just wisps of evil, selfish deeds.
His meaningless memories were full of pain and anger and he’d done nothing but sink into them, any desire for good melting under an onslaught of grief and need to protect himself from further wounding. His deeds were that of a petty thief, skilled though he may be, and though something inside him seemed to awake, desiring more, how could that be possible when he was just a ghost?
---
Regina hurried into her office and the only thing she found was Robin sitting in a chair, tied to it, and staring at her with worried eyes. She could see the worry was not for himself; it was for her. Hope fluttered in her chest as she hurried toward him.
“You shouldn't have come here.”
“I couldn't let anything happen to you,” she said, beginning to untie him.
“I’m not worth the risk,” he said.
“Stop it,” she said, busy with the enchantment on the ropes, but seeing something dark in his eyes. “Everyone is worth saving, and, no matter what, I will never abandon you. You’re not the villain you think you are.”
“How can you be so sure?”
Regina thrust her hand in her pocket and pulled out his feather, given to her in a moment of kindness and selflessness, and placed it in his hand.
“Because you gave me this,” she said.
“You’re a hell of a woman,” he said, his tone exasperated, but fond.
She looked back into his face, unspoken words hovering between them-misplaced destinies and souls and stories. But there was no more time.
The ropes suddenly snapped back in place and his face grew wary. Regina turned to see the Queen standing behind her.
“He's not the one you should be worried about.”
In her hands, she held the golden shears, the ones used to cut Aladdin from his fate as the Savior.
“Oh. So that's your plan,” Regina realized. “You're going to separate us. Then what?”
“Then I'm going to do what you tried to do to me . . . destroy you.”
Regina felt a strange stirring of pity, looking at her own face, so filled with hate. But an answering rage lived within her, and she was so tired of this.
“It's always about revenge with us, isn't it? You know what? Trim away. After all the damage you've done because of me, I'm ready. This town's just not big enough for the both of us.”
“At last, we agree on something.”
The Queen lifted the shears and her hands and a large pink strand of magic appeared between them, the manifestation of their connection. Regina felt it burning from her chest and she breathed heavy with the effort of helping keep it in the material world. She found it fascinating, this tenuous, but vital connection with her darkness. It would always be there because what she’d done would always be there. No matter the events of today.
She was finally accepting that.
With an effort, the Queen brought the shears up and clipped them closed over the light. Regina felt a sharp sensation, and then lurched forward, like a weight was dragging her forward with its momentum. The light vanished and they both breathed heavily.
Regina spared a glance at Robin, who was cautiously scooting his chair back as much as possible. A wise man.
“Let's finish this,” the Queen said, conjuring a sword.
Regina conjured her own.
“Gladly.”
They leapt forward, swords clashing, the sound ringing in the open air of the office, and Regina found herself wondering how she was supposed to fight herself. After all, they were one, they had been trained the same, they knew the same tricks, they were physically even. What advantage did she have?
She kept the fighting away from Robin as much as possible, wishing she’d at least thought to make a plan to have someone whisk him away once the fighting had started, but she hadn’t wanted to risk the Queen’s wrath.
One of her lamps went smashing to the ground under the impact of a lunge and twirl. Regina’s attempt to get away from the smashed shards cost her her sword. She edged away from the Queen’s blade, her back to the table.
“You tried to destroy me because you couldn't stand looking at the darkness? Well, I can't stand looking at the light.”
“Well, you don't have to worry about that,” Regina said, grabbing her bowl of apples, flinging them at her enemy, reveling in the irony.
The Queen lost her sword and Regina picked hers up, feeling better now that she had a weapon again. Granted, she was a weapon, filled with magic and filled with knowledge. The Queen had the same advantage though and thrust out her fist, sending Regina flying into the wall. The mirror smashed and Regina felt little pricks all over her hands as she shielded her face. Her back ached with the sudden impact and a blackness momentarily clouded her vision. She could hear Robin crying her name, and it shook the confusion from her mind, but she couldn’t chance looking at him. Not with the Queen advancing, yelling her own hateful words.
“You really believe you're better than me. Huh? Stronger than me?! Because you think you filled that nasty little hole inside you with love and friendship and hope?” Regina painfully stood and circled around, holding her sword firmly, while the Queen taunted her. “Well, you've been fooling yourself, because you haven't. I'm still what's inside of you. I am all that will ever be there.”
For a moment it felt true, looking at her own face, hatred and darkness hovering there like a cloud.
“She’s wrong,” Regina heard Robin say from his corner.
But Regina knew that was not completely true.
She grabbed hold of her magic, magic that could be used for good, for light, for love, and thrust it at the Queen. The Queen stumbled back, her sword flying from her grasp, and Regina twisted the magic again. Vines that matched the ones on her wallpaper grew out of it, winding their way around the Queen, an embrace of restraint, keeping her from any more damage.
Regina walked forward quickly, staring into the Queen’s dark eyes-her eyes-and feeling every word resonate to her core.
“All those things in my life you can't stand looking at-they're real. And now that I have them, you will never take them away from me.”
Regina reached into the Queen’s chest and pulled out her black, black heart. She stared down at it, the true evil and loathing that used to circle her own.
“I hate you,” said the Queen.
Regina squeezed the heart, but there was no satisfaction to be found in it. Her own face stared up at her from the mirror shards on the floor. Regina could well remember another time when she had hated her own reflection, hated who she had become, but she couldn’t admit it then.
The Queen had just admitted the truth for both of them. Only it was no longer truth. The heart in her hands glowed faintly and, if she looked closely, Regina could see the tendrils waving loosely, the broken connection of their destinies.
“But I don't,” Regina said, looking up. “Not anymore.”
Regina reached into her own chest to check her suspicions. Yes, her heart-no longer black-had its own wisps of cords attached to it. Regina felt the weight of two hearts in her hands, two paths, two people who were meant to be one. She had tried to disconnect them twice now. But they were both meant to be her heart. She couldn’t keep this battle raging any longer. She needed to accept the consequences of her own decision. She would no longer only hate, but she would grow.
“What are you doing?” the Queen gasped.
Regina held the hearts together, whispering magic over them, feeling each tendril reconnect. The hearts twined together, merging, reconciling.
“I'm going to do what we never could. I'm going to be brave for both of us and choose love over hate.”
The Queen’s outline in the vines began to grow fainter.
“What's happening to me?”
Regina looked kindly at herself, with clarity and unswerving honesty.
“I’m taking you back. You belong within me. Your darkness is my darkness. I need to live with that, redeeming each second of it with more light and more love.”
“Why?” gasped the Queen, hardly able to be seen.
“You are a part of me. And now I love myself. I choose to live in hope. I choose to say that light triumphs over the darkness. I choose to say I’m worthy of redemption. And I want to be happy.”
The hearts were one heart. It beat in Regina’s hand, black, with a bright center. It was warm and vital and alive. It was a future and a past and she embraced it. Regina looked up, the Queen’s eyes closed in peace, and then she was gone.
Regina took a deep breath and put her heart back in her chest.
Darkness washed over her like a wave, feelings of envy, hatred, pride, and selfishness. But they were no match for the strong resolve and kindness of others that she’d collected. Oh, the battle began to rage, but Regina no longer felt overwhelmed by it. It was simply hers. She did not despair that it would overpower her. She wasn’t going to run from consequences anymore and she knew now that they didn’t mean she would be banned from future happiness.
It wasn’t immediate, of course. She had the feeling it would take a while before she could fully reconcile herself back to the complete darkness she had relished getting rid of. But she would be fine.
Regina turned and looked at Robin.
---
The feather in Robin’s hand felt heavier than any feather should feel. There was something off about it. He looked down at it, almost ignoring the fight going on in the room. When he’d given it to Regina, it had been a whim, some gesture he didn’t fully understand. He hadn’t given it much thought since, but now that it was in his hand, he could tell this was no ordinary feather. He was intimately familiar with how they should look, feel, even smell. Why was this feather so important?
Though it overwhelmed him for a moment, the familiarity and yet strangeness of it, his attention was soon grabbed by the swords scattering sparks, wielded by the same, yet different women. He’d backed away from the sword and magic battle that was being waged around him, but he couldn’t escape from the ropes that bound him. He was dependent on Regina winning the fight.
And she was more than holding her own against . . . her own. He guessed it would be a fair fight since the participants were actually the same person. But he watched Regina. He watched her twirl with grace and strength, her expertise and cunning more than obvious and he could appreciate that. But he could appreciate her for more than her skill with a blade, for her bravery, for her compassion for him, for her desire to do the right thing, despite her past.
Having spent time with her doppelganger the past few hours, Robin should have felt relieved to know a version that didn’t see something in him that wasn’t there. But instead, his time with the Queen had felt empty, dangerous, and lacking in all the emotion that the time with Regina had wrought. It was true that he didn’t like feeling compared to a dead hero. But he liked seeing himself in someone else’s darkness even less. Was it possible that the long, hard, redemption path he saw Regina struggling to walk was worth the effort he himself would have to put in if he wanted to be even halfway worthy of her?
Even that morning he would have said hell no to that. Now, watching her fight herself-for him-gave him pause. There was no more wish realm to go back to. The outside world was perilous and lonely. Perhaps, even if he wasn’t who everyone wanted him to be, he could get a second chance to become someone he could be proud of.
Clara’s pale face swam before his eyes, Marian’s dying breath echoed in his ears, Old Will’s blood ran warm over his hands. Robin wanted something more than those defining moments, moments that apparently never even happened except in his mind. He wanted to be real. And reality required nobility.
Regina flew through the air as the Queen gave a mighty blow, smashing the mirror on the wall, and Robin shouted her name, watching the Queen advance toward her.
And then he watched her defeat herself-more than defeat-accept, love, shoulder. It was more impressive than any of her moves in battle. He wished so much in that moment that he could be who she wanted him to be. For a moment, he could almost imagine that he was. He could almost see them meeting in the Enchanted Forest, flying monkeys attacking his son, traipsing through a castle, wandering the woods of Storybrooke. Why did he know of a desperate tryst in her vault, a glowing heart offered into his care, a gut-wrenching farewell at the town line, a letter written in loneliness and pride, an impossible reunion, a baby girl cared and fought for, and a lunge for protection, tears filling a goodbye?
Then Regina turned and looked at him; there was something darker in her eyes, but it looked right on her. She was still beautiful and she still rushed to him, undoing his ropes with a flick of her hands.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
Robin stood, his eyes brought level and honest with hers. Something in her face looked hopeful and he wondered what his own face was expressing. He could hardly keep up with the emotions himself.
“Thanks to you,” he said, sweeping a hand forward in gratitude.
She smiled and he decided he wanted her happy always, or at least to be present when she was.
“It was the least I could do after being the reason you were kidnapped in the first place.”
“It was still quite impressive,” he replied. “And now your battle continues.”
“Until I die,” she said, but she sounded pleased about it.
“I admire your courage and strength,” he said.
There wasn’t much space between them, but he didn’t mind.
“Uh, thank you,” she said, blushing.
He looked down with her and realized he was clutching the feather. He held it out.
“I believe this is yours.”
“Oh,” she said. “Um, you don’t have to.”
“I insist,” he said, keeping his voice low, honoring the intensity of the moment. “It was a gift.”
She lifted her hand, and her fingers brushed his as she took the feather back. Something ignited in his bones at the feeling, and he reached forward, pulling her waist toward him, bending his head, meeting her lips in a kiss that his guilt and shame told him wasn’t deserved, earned, or worthwhile. But he ignored those feelings because they were keeping him from something he now realized that he desperately wanted.
Regina was clearly surprised because she didn’t respond immediately, but then her lips began to move under his with a fervor he’d just known she would possess. Her other hand came up and touched his neck with a familiarity that he found he also possessed. Pressure built up in the air around them and some kind of pulse burst out from their shared moment, exploding in a wave of emotion and longing. Robin pulled back, startled, and found her staring at him in shock.
“Robin?” she asked, and the hope was so tangible in her voice that he could have held it.
He didn’t know what she was asking, but it didn’t matter because he was staring at her hand, the feather inside of it glowing. She followed his gaze and opened her hand, the feather lifting up with no visible aid, shedding the strands that compromised it, until the only thing left was a single mote of blue light, dancing in between them.
“What is that?” he asked, and he had a funny feeling he already knew the answer.
“I think it’s you,” she said, voice trembling.
Robin slowly lifted a hand and put out his palm toward the light, hovering in the air beside it. The light pulsed as he got closer, but didn’t move, and he somehow knew it was his decision whether or not to touch it. He looked past it to Regina’s wide-eyed gaze, brimming with desire and faith. And he felt shaky, unworthy, broken. But he’d watched her be brave and he would do no less. This was the answer to every question he’d ever had and he would face that heavy knowledge, whatever it brought.
Robin pressed his palm forward and touched the light. It felt warm against his skin and he could swear the pulsing looked pleased before it melted away into his skin and he was remade from the inside out.
All the flashes he’d experienced, all the feelings, all the intuitions that turned out to be right, they weren’t false; they were his memories, his experiences, his real, flesh-and-blood emotions. Because he had been separated from his true self, he had been suspended in a dark nightmare, forced through a gauntlet of decisions and pain and presented the opportunity to win back his identity.
And he was now fully himself, whole, with a lifetime ahead of him, one with his family, his children, his-Regina.
He realized he was shaking, the event more than he could bear, but there was no regret, only happiness. And he looked at her, at her questing eyes, and he surged forward again, kissing her with no holding back.
“I remember,” he said against her lips. “It’s me.”
by Jesterlady
Pairing: Robin/Regina
Summary: At the end of S5, Robin has died and his soul is saved from destruction by the Greek god Zeus, but he is presumed gone forever. Regina is devastated with grief and struggling with her own darkness. After she removes her evil half, the Evil Queen doppelganger begins to wreak havoc on everyone in Storybrooke, finally making a wish that creates a whole new realm and provides a way for Zeus to send Robin’s soul into an alternate self. But this Robin doesn’t know who he is, having an alternate set of villainous memories. When he and Regina meet again, they must struggle with the disconnect and longing they both feel. Can he reclaim his heroic self? Can Regina accept her own dark past and defeat the Evil Queen? And can their true love win through the trials that would reunite them?
Disclaimer: I don't own OUAT. Some lines are from the show. The title is from Ann Voskamp
I really thought the show missed the mark with the return of Robin Hood on the show. So I wanted to take this opportunity to write the story in the way that made sense to me.
I wanted to focus on Zelena and Regina’s relationship here as well, making it a lot more intentional than canon. I think Zelena provides a great foil for Regina’s growth, and I think Zelena’s character deserves better. It provided a way for me to delve into Regina’s growth, her understanding and acceptance of redemption, and how she will continue to be strong and fight. In allowing Robin to go through his own villainous redemption, it gave them an equal ground they hadn’t been able to share before.
I have strong feelings about the Wish Realm. Apart from the its creation, I hated how it was used (so illogical)! So just to be clear, in this story the Wish Realm is not real. Only Robin (with a real soul inside him) can come through to the other side; it collapses as soon as Emma (the point of it) leaves. We see this as Wish Rumple tries to leave and wasn’t able to. This also explains why Robin (and characters connected to him) were young when everyone else had aged.
You definitely need to be familiar with S6 to read this fic. I do ignore a lot of S6 ie Gideon and Black Fairy. You can assume those things are happening alongside of the main events, but I’m ignoring it and deliberately changing where it intersects, because the story needed to focus on Robin and Regina and have a resolved ending that didn’t immediately jump into the next problem.
Robin reached his camp and stayed there until dark. There wasn’t a lot to do in the woods, but he didn’t need entertainment or company. He needed solitude and quiet, and the woods always provided that for him. Sitting against a tree, he did not even feel the need for a light. The strangeness of the forest was not daunting. Though he’d only roamed them a few times over the last few days, their paths opened themselves to him like he’d walked them for much longer, and the trees were like images imposed over something he could have sworn he used to know.
He needed space to think about the event with Regina and Zelena at the town line. Something had happened there that he didn’t understand; Regina had changed something in herself. He still believed it was better this way, that he go, but he was uneasy as to why she looked more at peace than she had since he’d met her. Sad, yes, but at peace.
As he sat there, Robin became aware of a sliding movement above him and then started when he realized it was a snake, a large, downward moving snake, very close to his head. He tried to remain calm-snakes were outside of his realm of expertise, but he knew not to spook wild creatures.
“Easy, there,” he said, as the snake began to slither down his arm.
He kept his eyes on it, hoping that it was simply trying to use him as the quickest means of getting to the ground. When it reached his hand, there was a quick sting and he hissed in pain.
But before he could move or make any kind of decision, there was a small poof of smoke and a woman stood before him.
It was Regina, but she was dressed in a flashy silver dress, catching all the moonlight and blinding him. Dark makeup emphasized her beauty, and her hair was marked with jewels. She looked much more like he would have expected her to look back in his world. He stared at her, unsure what was happening.
“Hope that didn't sting,” she said carelessly. “A bit of that anti-magic potion stuck to you in the blast. And, well, as you can see, I needed some. So, thanks.”
“I left you at the town line,” he said, not even knowing what he was saying.
“You left Regina at the town line,” she corrected.
His mind finally put it together: snake, evil half, magic.
“You are Regina,” he began, but she stiffened.
“I'm the Evil Queen. You, of all people, should recognize a doppelganger when you see one. There's two of us now.”
“I get that,” he said. “I just meant that you were her other half.”
“That’s a poor way of putting it,” she said, inspecting herself, as if anxious to make sure she was all in one piece.
“Look,” he said, treading carefully. “I don’t care who is whose half. I just want to get out of here.”
“Well, that's a shame,” she said, studying him closer than he cared for, “because there's nothing for you out there.”
“Nothing you can say will keep me in this abysmal hamlet a moment longer than I need to be.”
“Abysmal hamlet?” she quoted back, laughing, the sound both mocking and enticing. “Sounds like you haven't had the right tour guide. But now you do. And when I'm done with you, you'll have a whole new appreciation of what Storybrooke has to offer.”
“I’m good on my own, thanks,” he said warily.
“Oh relax, I’m not here to do away with you. I’m just someone trying to get what she wants, just like you.”
“I have a plan.”
“Oh, Regina,” she said, nodding sarcastically. “Like she’s ever going to really let you go. Her long-lost love. She’ll make up excuse after excuse and she’ll likely believe them herself, but, trust me, you’re stuck if you depend on her.”
He didn’t want to believe her, but it was possible she had a point. Besides, it was fascinating to watch her, like and so unlike the woman he’d been dancing around for days.
“And what’s your grand plan?”
“I thought you’d never ask,” she said, holding out a hand and beckoning him to come after. “You’ll just have to follow and find out.”
Robin hesitated, wondering what he was getting himself into. On the other hand, he couldn’t afford to waste any resources. His motto was he’d work with anyone if they got him what he wanted, so he followed the dark woman into the night.
---
Regina hurried, Zelena at her side, and she was heart-glad that she could count on Zelena’s support. With the Queen on the loose again, they needed all the help they could get.
Walking into the loft, they saw David asleep in the bed while Snow had her turn awake; they interrupted a discussion between Emma, Snow, and Henry.
“I don’t want to deal with it with everything else going on,” Emma was saying.
“You’re going to have to,” Regina said, though she had no idea what Emma was referring to.
“What?” Emma turned around.
Before Regina could say anything, Zelena had latched onto Emma’s left hand and held it up to the light, revealing a diamond ring on a very important finger.
“Is that a rock?
Emma actually blushed and then smiled more largely than Regina’s heart could contain. She’d never seen Emma quite so happy.
“Hook proposed.”
“Emma.” Regina smiled herself, her worry overshadowed by joy. “I’m so happy for you.”
“Thanks,” Emma said, “but what’s the big emergency?”
“Oh, that,” Zelena said, rolling her eyes. “What else but little sis and her dark side?”
Regina shot Zelena an irritated, but affectionate glare.
“What happened?” Snow asked. “She’s still a snake, right?”
“We don’t know,” Regina said. “We just know she’s gone and, with her out there, who knows what could happen?”
“Well, then we’d best start looking for her,” Emma agreed. “I’ll get my jacket.”
“Mom,” Henry said, “how did she get out?”
“I’m not entirely sure,” Regina replied.
“I don’t get how she wasn’t in her cage where we left her?” Snow probed.
Regina exchanged another glance with Zelena and would have replied if Zelena hadn’t beaten her to it.
“That one’s on me, I’m afraid. I was sort of planning on leaving and taking her with me.”
“What?” Emma asked.
“Oh, no worries, I’m staying. I know how terribly you’d all miss me.”
“Zelena,” Regina warned.
Zelena laughed a little.
“It’s the truth. But sorry, it might take me a little while to become accustomed to such things like sincerity.”
“I have every faith in you,” Regina replied, then turned to the others. “It’s not a big deal, it’s handled, though I did promise Robin I’d help him leave Storybrooke if he really wants to. But that’s going to have to take a back seat until we find the Queen, wherever she is and whatever form she’s in.”
“Then there’s no use standing around here,” Snow said. “We need to hunt her down.”
Regina nodded. It was true that in Storybrooke there was very little time to relax. While she could do with less evil incursions and threats against people’s safety, she was beginning to find that she was rather accustomed to this life, even suited to it. If faced with the choice between a town frozen and a town under siege, she’d pick the siege. She’d tried to numb the pain that way, but now she was learning she had to face it head on.
---
Robin walked beside the Evil Queen cautiously, used to working with double-crossers, but never easy when doing so.
“So, if you don’t mind me asking, how come there’s two of you?”
“Regina didn’t mention her little attempt to pull out the darkness in herself?”
“I got the gist, but not really the whole story. I don’t suppose you’re willing to be more open?”
She laughed.
“Well, I am generally more direct, but I can see why she’d want to keep me her dirty little secret from you. The truth is, if it were up to her, I'd no longer exist.”
“If you’re implying because I might be recoiled by the darkness in her, I’m afraid it’s just the opposite,” he said carefully. “I’m not like her Robin. And I’m no hero.”
“A Robin after my own heart,” she purred.
This kind of flirting he could work with; it came with less entanglement of the heart.
“Well, since you're the ne'er-do-well version of Regina, just as I am with the other Robin, there’s actually somebody in this town I have something in common with.”
She looked at him, haughtiness rampant in her words.
“I beg your pardon? I'm a queen, not some burlap-loving peasant who sleeps in dirt.”
“Excuse me,” he retorted. “I sleep on hay. Which is on dirt, but there is . . . separation. No matter. You can insult me all you want. It doesn't change the fact that you and I are alike. We both know that we don't belong here.”
It turned out any version of Regina was able to get under his skin, but he was betting he could get under hers too.
“Perhaps.”
“So maybe I had the solution,” he prompted.
“New York? I think not.”
“I suppose you know where I should go, then?”
“Going somewhere isn’t the answer,” she said, stopping. “Why all the travel when you can arrange where you are to suit your purpose?”
“And just how is that supposed to happen?”
“I have my ways,” she smiled winningly.
“And what do you get out of the bargain?” he asked, all his suspicions raised.
“Well, you're a thief, aren't you? I want you to steal something.”
She gestured around them and he frowned.
“This is a graveyard.”
“Bodies aren't the only things buried here,” she said, then pointed. “But I thought you’d enjoy a little preview of why it is you could make your home here.”
Robin followed her finger until his eyes landed on a grave with his own name on it. Something twisted in his stomach. It was one thing to know another version of him was dead, it was entirely different to be faced with the dead-weight fact of it.
Flowers lay around the neatly trimmed headstone and Robin felt a lurch of envy at how much the other Robin was missed. No one would miss him were he to die. For a moment, he wished he could have what that man had, be what that man was, but he resolutely pushed away the desire. It was far too late for that.
“What are you after?” he asked the Queen, turning back to her. “What exactly is this about?”
“Please stop asking questions,” she said, handing him a magically-appearing shovel. “Dig.”
Robin took the shovel without further comment and began to dig where she indicated, feeling some release in the physical exercise, but ever more annoyed with each heave of dirt out of the hole. He had no idea why he was doing this. Helping this woman felt like a betrayal, even though he’d made Regina no promises. It felt wrong, but then that’s what he was, so why not? He knew he couldn’t take living like this much longer and waiting for Regina to figure out how to break the protection barrier seemed like it would take too long.
Better to figure out how to make the Queen break it, since she was the one who’d put it up.
“Couldn't you use magic to dig this hole?”
“You're right, but what would be the fun in that?” she asked, inspecting her nails, while his kept getting dirtier. “You don't mind a little dirty work, do you?” His shovel hit something solid with a clank and he climbed out of the hole. “And there it is . . . the sound of my victory.”
She reached down and pulled out a box. When she opened it, Robin could see a pair of golden scissors inside.
“Really?” he scoffed.
“Don't underestimate them,” she warned. “These blades are enchanted. Capable of cutting a person from their fate. The last Savior used them on himself and brought them over to Storybrooke in my curse.”
Robin felt uneasy as he realized what the Queen must want them for.
“You want to use them on Regina . . . to break her from her destiny.”
The Queen smiled at him.
“Oh, no. My plan for her involves something much more permanent. I'm going to use these blades to finally separate us, so once and for all . . . I can destroy her.”
Something in Robin twisted, and he finally knew with a certainty, that hero or not, he didn’t want Regina hurt. Despite his walls, despite the differences between them, there was a part of him that cared for her. She didn’t deserve that fate. And it was his fault she might get it.
Oh, he knew the Queen could have gotten the scissors without him, but it had been his plan that brought her out into the open and in proximity to a magic cure that he’d requested. Somehow, he’d have to make this right.
“That sounds a bit drastic,” he said cautiously.
“Oh, don’t go soft on me now,” she said, tutting at him. “I have such big plans for you.”
“Maybe I’d like to know more before I agree to said plans,” he said.
“Well, if you’re not going to be any fun,” she said, twitching her hand, and he found himself suddenly tied to a tree, “you’ll have to be bait.”
Robin’s heart sank within him, but a niggling thought reminded him not to give up hope, not yet. Perhaps he could wiggle out of this and do something to stop her. In the midst of his furious planning, he didn’t even mind the fact that he was thinking of someone else above himself.
---
Regina hurried into the Sheriff’s station, following Emma. When they got inside, they found what they’d been called there to see.
Regina stared down at the picture of a future she had once thought would be hers. It was ripped and taped back together. She had tried to let go of it many times, but somehow, this page always made its way back to her. Now the Queen had found it and was using it against her. Regina refused to allow it to fill her with despair once more.
“Wait,” Snow said, staring at it and the note written on it telling Regina to go to her office alone. “Isn't that . . .?”
“The page that magically appeared to me with what I thought could be an ending to my story with Robin,” Regina confirmed, “a happy ending. Instead, it was just a cruel twist of fate, showing me an ending that could never be.”
“What does it mean?” Henry asked.
“It means the Evil Queen has found him-the other Robin, that is-and she wants me to know that she'll hurt him unless I face her.”
"One last time,” Snow read off the note. “Wait. How is that even possible? She can't hurt you without hurting herself.”
“Unless, of course, she figured out a way,” Zelena proposed.
“Regina, you can't go. You'd be walking into a trap,” Emma warned.
“Well, we can't just leave Robin,” Regina answered.
“We won't. I'll go,” Emma said. “This is my fault. I'm the one who convinced you to bring him here.”
Regina shook her head; she was done not taking responsibility for her own actions.
“This is on me. Emma, you don't have anything to make up for. You were just trying to help.”
“Regina, what are you gonna do?” Emma said.
Worry was all over everyone’s faces and Regina knew they had a right to be worried. Whatever trick the Queen had up her sleeve could very well be deadly and they had no idea what it was. But on the other hand, Regina felt a strange calm within her. This was the right path.
“Go alone. This is my battle to fight, and it has been ever since I tried to destroy my dark side up on that rooftop in New York.”
“You can't do this yourself; Emma's right,” Snow insisted.
“I have to. If I don't, this won't just end with Robin getting hurt. She'll hurt everyone I care about-all of you. And I can't let that happen.” Regina shook her head, resolve strong in every cell of her body. “The Evil Queen is going to get what she wants. Our fight ends today.”
“How can you be so sure?” Zelena asked, her tone strangely devoid of mockery.
Regina smiled at her.
“I just am. I finally know what I’m supposed to do and I’m going to do it and I’m not going to let anything get in my way. Not even myself.”
Zelena studied her for a moment before slowly nodding.
“Then good luck, sis.”
“Thanks,” Regina said. “I’ll probably need it.”
Henry looked worried at that so Regina gave him a strong hug.
“We’re here if you call,” Emma said.
“Of course, thank you.”
Regina took one last look at them and headed out to face her own darkness. This had been a long time coming, but so much was riding on her ability to overcome the inner battle that had taken over her beloved town. She would clean up her own mess, save a version of the man she loved, or, quite possibly, die trying.
---
Robin adjusted his weight carefully, assessing with expertise the amount of slack he had in his ropes. While no longer tied to a tree, he was still tied to a chair in Regina’s office and escape was uppermost on his mind. He’d watched the Queen deliver a message to Regina, so it wasn’t as if he needed to warn her, but what he did need to do was remove himself from the equation so the Queen had nothing as leverage. Fortunately, he was quite good at using his mouth and his hands at the same time.
“Can't say this is exactly what I had in mind when I offered my services, unless I'm misreading the signals and things are about to take a much more exciting turn,” he said, as the Queen looked out the window of the office.
“Keep dreaming,” she said, but she chuckled.
Robin grinned to himself as he found the right loop to manipulate and quickly made work of the knots. Now he just needed to keep her distracted long enough to get away.
“Too bad. Uh, but I'm afraid you may have grossly overestimated my importance to her. I mean, Regina may have charged in to save Robin the hero's life, but me? Much less likely.”
Robin made to quietly stand up and back away, but the ropes flew into the air and reattached themselves around him. He was confused and sat there staring for a moment. When he looked up, the Queen was looking at him with an amused smile.
“Enchanted ropes. The only way you're going anywhere is if I allow it. And that's not going to happen until I lure Regina here and destroy her.”
Clearly escape was not an option, so Robin needed to try another tactic.
“Do you really think killing Regina is gonna solve your problems? All it will do is make a martyr of her, and then nobody will be able to look at you without thinking of her. Believe me, that part is no fun at all.”
“Oh, well, I suppose you have a better idea.”
“As a matter of fact, I do. Release me.”
“Why the hell would I do that?” she asked, raising a perfect eyebrow.
“Because we don’t belong here,” he said, thinking quickly, but conscious that he was saying words that felt true as he said them. “Maybe Regina was right. Maybe there is a reason that I'm here, and it’s to help put you to rest.”
“You’re not exactly helping your cause,” she said. “What are you even blithering about?”
“You’re tired, hunted, exhausted by the guilt of your sins, and there’s no one who will give you a second chance,” he said. “Even your son has given up on you from what I heard.”
She looked sharply at him and he felt the ropes grip him just a little bit tighter. Inwardly, he smiled, because that had to mean he was getting through to her.
“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, attempting a carefree laugh. “I’m fine.”
“No, you’re an imposter,” he said, “just like me. You don’t belong and you never will. Every victory will be just another chain around your neck, because you’re not supposed to exist.”
“I think it’s time that you keep your mouth shut,” she said, flushing red.
“I'd think about it if I was you. Because regardless of how things go down here today, you and I both know . . . in a town full of heroes, a villain like you doesn't stand a chance.”
“The only one who doesn't stand a chance is my,” she hesitated, before smiling cruelly, “better half.”
Robin shook his head, but judged that it was best to keep silent again. He’d planted some sort of seed, hopefully enough of one to help Regina when she came. Because he had no doubt she would. The woman he’d met and gotten to know over the last while had proven herself a hero time and again. While he was . . . well, his words had been for himself as well. Because he was just as empty and formless as the Queen, a wish made flesh, void of anything good, just wisps of evil, selfish deeds.
His meaningless memories were full of pain and anger and he’d done nothing but sink into them, any desire for good melting under an onslaught of grief and need to protect himself from further wounding. His deeds were that of a petty thief, skilled though he may be, and though something inside him seemed to awake, desiring more, how could that be possible when he was just a ghost?
---
Regina hurried into her office and the only thing she found was Robin sitting in a chair, tied to it, and staring at her with worried eyes. She could see the worry was not for himself; it was for her. Hope fluttered in her chest as she hurried toward him.
“You shouldn't have come here.”
“I couldn't let anything happen to you,” she said, beginning to untie him.
“I’m not worth the risk,” he said.
“Stop it,” she said, busy with the enchantment on the ropes, but seeing something dark in his eyes. “Everyone is worth saving, and, no matter what, I will never abandon you. You’re not the villain you think you are.”
“How can you be so sure?”
Regina thrust her hand in her pocket and pulled out his feather, given to her in a moment of kindness and selflessness, and placed it in his hand.
“Because you gave me this,” she said.
“You’re a hell of a woman,” he said, his tone exasperated, but fond.
She looked back into his face, unspoken words hovering between them-misplaced destinies and souls and stories. But there was no more time.
The ropes suddenly snapped back in place and his face grew wary. Regina turned to see the Queen standing behind her.
“He's not the one you should be worried about.”
In her hands, she held the golden shears, the ones used to cut Aladdin from his fate as the Savior.
“Oh. So that's your plan,” Regina realized. “You're going to separate us. Then what?”
“Then I'm going to do what you tried to do to me . . . destroy you.”
Regina felt a strange stirring of pity, looking at her own face, so filled with hate. But an answering rage lived within her, and she was so tired of this.
“It's always about revenge with us, isn't it? You know what? Trim away. After all the damage you've done because of me, I'm ready. This town's just not big enough for the both of us.”
“At last, we agree on something.”
The Queen lifted the shears and her hands and a large pink strand of magic appeared between them, the manifestation of their connection. Regina felt it burning from her chest and she breathed heavy with the effort of helping keep it in the material world. She found it fascinating, this tenuous, but vital connection with her darkness. It would always be there because what she’d done would always be there. No matter the events of today.
She was finally accepting that.
With an effort, the Queen brought the shears up and clipped them closed over the light. Regina felt a sharp sensation, and then lurched forward, like a weight was dragging her forward with its momentum. The light vanished and they both breathed heavily.
Regina spared a glance at Robin, who was cautiously scooting his chair back as much as possible. A wise man.
“Let's finish this,” the Queen said, conjuring a sword.
Regina conjured her own.
“Gladly.”
They leapt forward, swords clashing, the sound ringing in the open air of the office, and Regina found herself wondering how she was supposed to fight herself. After all, they were one, they had been trained the same, they knew the same tricks, they were physically even. What advantage did she have?
She kept the fighting away from Robin as much as possible, wishing she’d at least thought to make a plan to have someone whisk him away once the fighting had started, but she hadn’t wanted to risk the Queen’s wrath.
One of her lamps went smashing to the ground under the impact of a lunge and twirl. Regina’s attempt to get away from the smashed shards cost her her sword. She edged away from the Queen’s blade, her back to the table.
“You tried to destroy me because you couldn't stand looking at the darkness? Well, I can't stand looking at the light.”
“Well, you don't have to worry about that,” Regina said, grabbing her bowl of apples, flinging them at her enemy, reveling in the irony.
The Queen lost her sword and Regina picked hers up, feeling better now that she had a weapon again. Granted, she was a weapon, filled with magic and filled with knowledge. The Queen had the same advantage though and thrust out her fist, sending Regina flying into the wall. The mirror smashed and Regina felt little pricks all over her hands as she shielded her face. Her back ached with the sudden impact and a blackness momentarily clouded her vision. She could hear Robin crying her name, and it shook the confusion from her mind, but she couldn’t chance looking at him. Not with the Queen advancing, yelling her own hateful words.
“You really believe you're better than me. Huh? Stronger than me?! Because you think you filled that nasty little hole inside you with love and friendship and hope?” Regina painfully stood and circled around, holding her sword firmly, while the Queen taunted her. “Well, you've been fooling yourself, because you haven't. I'm still what's inside of you. I am all that will ever be there.”
For a moment it felt true, looking at her own face, hatred and darkness hovering there like a cloud.
“She’s wrong,” Regina heard Robin say from his corner.
But Regina knew that was not completely true.
She grabbed hold of her magic, magic that could be used for good, for light, for love, and thrust it at the Queen. The Queen stumbled back, her sword flying from her grasp, and Regina twisted the magic again. Vines that matched the ones on her wallpaper grew out of it, winding their way around the Queen, an embrace of restraint, keeping her from any more damage.
Regina walked forward quickly, staring into the Queen’s dark eyes-her eyes-and feeling every word resonate to her core.
“All those things in my life you can't stand looking at-they're real. And now that I have them, you will never take them away from me.”
Regina reached into the Queen’s chest and pulled out her black, black heart. She stared down at it, the true evil and loathing that used to circle her own.
“I hate you,” said the Queen.
Regina squeezed the heart, but there was no satisfaction to be found in it. Her own face stared up at her from the mirror shards on the floor. Regina could well remember another time when she had hated her own reflection, hated who she had become, but she couldn’t admit it then.
The Queen had just admitted the truth for both of them. Only it was no longer truth. The heart in her hands glowed faintly and, if she looked closely, Regina could see the tendrils waving loosely, the broken connection of their destinies.
“But I don't,” Regina said, looking up. “Not anymore.”
Regina reached into her own chest to check her suspicions. Yes, her heart-no longer black-had its own wisps of cords attached to it. Regina felt the weight of two hearts in her hands, two paths, two people who were meant to be one. She had tried to disconnect them twice now. But they were both meant to be her heart. She couldn’t keep this battle raging any longer. She needed to accept the consequences of her own decision. She would no longer only hate, but she would grow.
“What are you doing?” the Queen gasped.
Regina held the hearts together, whispering magic over them, feeling each tendril reconnect. The hearts twined together, merging, reconciling.
“I'm going to do what we never could. I'm going to be brave for both of us and choose love over hate.”
The Queen’s outline in the vines began to grow fainter.
“What's happening to me?”
Regina looked kindly at herself, with clarity and unswerving honesty.
“I’m taking you back. You belong within me. Your darkness is my darkness. I need to live with that, redeeming each second of it with more light and more love.”
“Why?” gasped the Queen, hardly able to be seen.
“You are a part of me. And now I love myself. I choose to live in hope. I choose to say that light triumphs over the darkness. I choose to say I’m worthy of redemption. And I want to be happy.”
The hearts were one heart. It beat in Regina’s hand, black, with a bright center. It was warm and vital and alive. It was a future and a past and she embraced it. Regina looked up, the Queen’s eyes closed in peace, and then she was gone.
Regina took a deep breath and put her heart back in her chest.
Darkness washed over her like a wave, feelings of envy, hatred, pride, and selfishness. But they were no match for the strong resolve and kindness of others that she’d collected. Oh, the battle began to rage, but Regina no longer felt overwhelmed by it. It was simply hers. She did not despair that it would overpower her. She wasn’t going to run from consequences anymore and she knew now that they didn’t mean she would be banned from future happiness.
It wasn’t immediate, of course. She had the feeling it would take a while before she could fully reconcile herself back to the complete darkness she had relished getting rid of. But she would be fine.
Regina turned and looked at Robin.
---
The feather in Robin’s hand felt heavier than any feather should feel. There was something off about it. He looked down at it, almost ignoring the fight going on in the room. When he’d given it to Regina, it had been a whim, some gesture he didn’t fully understand. He hadn’t given it much thought since, but now that it was in his hand, he could tell this was no ordinary feather. He was intimately familiar with how they should look, feel, even smell. Why was this feather so important?
Though it overwhelmed him for a moment, the familiarity and yet strangeness of it, his attention was soon grabbed by the swords scattering sparks, wielded by the same, yet different women. He’d backed away from the sword and magic battle that was being waged around him, but he couldn’t escape from the ropes that bound him. He was dependent on Regina winning the fight.
And she was more than holding her own against . . . her own. He guessed it would be a fair fight since the participants were actually the same person. But he watched Regina. He watched her twirl with grace and strength, her expertise and cunning more than obvious and he could appreciate that. But he could appreciate her for more than her skill with a blade, for her bravery, for her compassion for him, for her desire to do the right thing, despite her past.
Having spent time with her doppelganger the past few hours, Robin should have felt relieved to know a version that didn’t see something in him that wasn’t there. But instead, his time with the Queen had felt empty, dangerous, and lacking in all the emotion that the time with Regina had wrought. It was true that he didn’t like feeling compared to a dead hero. But he liked seeing himself in someone else’s darkness even less. Was it possible that the long, hard, redemption path he saw Regina struggling to walk was worth the effort he himself would have to put in if he wanted to be even halfway worthy of her?
Even that morning he would have said hell no to that. Now, watching her fight herself-for him-gave him pause. There was no more wish realm to go back to. The outside world was perilous and lonely. Perhaps, even if he wasn’t who everyone wanted him to be, he could get a second chance to become someone he could be proud of.
Clara’s pale face swam before his eyes, Marian’s dying breath echoed in his ears, Old Will’s blood ran warm over his hands. Robin wanted something more than those defining moments, moments that apparently never even happened except in his mind. He wanted to be real. And reality required nobility.
Regina flew through the air as the Queen gave a mighty blow, smashing the mirror on the wall, and Robin shouted her name, watching the Queen advance toward her.
And then he watched her defeat herself-more than defeat-accept, love, shoulder. It was more impressive than any of her moves in battle. He wished so much in that moment that he could be who she wanted him to be. For a moment, he could almost imagine that he was. He could almost see them meeting in the Enchanted Forest, flying monkeys attacking his son, traipsing through a castle, wandering the woods of Storybrooke. Why did he know of a desperate tryst in her vault, a glowing heart offered into his care, a gut-wrenching farewell at the town line, a letter written in loneliness and pride, an impossible reunion, a baby girl cared and fought for, and a lunge for protection, tears filling a goodbye?
Then Regina turned and looked at him; there was something darker in her eyes, but it looked right on her. She was still beautiful and she still rushed to him, undoing his ropes with a flick of her hands.
“Are you okay?” she asked.
Robin stood, his eyes brought level and honest with hers. Something in her face looked hopeful and he wondered what his own face was expressing. He could hardly keep up with the emotions himself.
“Thanks to you,” he said, sweeping a hand forward in gratitude.
She smiled and he decided he wanted her happy always, or at least to be present when she was.
“It was the least I could do after being the reason you were kidnapped in the first place.”
“It was still quite impressive,” he replied. “And now your battle continues.”
“Until I die,” she said, but she sounded pleased about it.
“I admire your courage and strength,” he said.
There wasn’t much space between them, but he didn’t mind.
“Uh, thank you,” she said, blushing.
He looked down with her and realized he was clutching the feather. He held it out.
“I believe this is yours.”
“Oh,” she said. “Um, you don’t have to.”
“I insist,” he said, keeping his voice low, honoring the intensity of the moment. “It was a gift.”
She lifted her hand, and her fingers brushed his as she took the feather back. Something ignited in his bones at the feeling, and he reached forward, pulling her waist toward him, bending his head, meeting her lips in a kiss that his guilt and shame told him wasn’t deserved, earned, or worthwhile. But he ignored those feelings because they were keeping him from something he now realized that he desperately wanted.
Regina was clearly surprised because she didn’t respond immediately, but then her lips began to move under his with a fervor he’d just known she would possess. Her other hand came up and touched his neck with a familiarity that he found he also possessed. Pressure built up in the air around them and some kind of pulse burst out from their shared moment, exploding in a wave of emotion and longing. Robin pulled back, startled, and found her staring at him in shock.
“Robin?” she asked, and the hope was so tangible in her voice that he could have held it.
He didn’t know what she was asking, but it didn’t matter because he was staring at her hand, the feather inside of it glowing. She followed his gaze and opened her hand, the feather lifting up with no visible aid, shedding the strands that compromised it, until the only thing left was a single mote of blue light, dancing in between them.
“What is that?” he asked, and he had a funny feeling he already knew the answer.
“I think it’s you,” she said, voice trembling.
Robin slowly lifted a hand and put out his palm toward the light, hovering in the air beside it. The light pulsed as he got closer, but didn’t move, and he somehow knew it was his decision whether or not to touch it. He looked past it to Regina’s wide-eyed gaze, brimming with desire and faith. And he felt shaky, unworthy, broken. But he’d watched her be brave and he would do no less. This was the answer to every question he’d ever had and he would face that heavy knowledge, whatever it brought.
Robin pressed his palm forward and touched the light. It felt warm against his skin and he could swear the pulsing looked pleased before it melted away into his skin and he was remade from the inside out.
All the flashes he’d experienced, all the feelings, all the intuitions that turned out to be right, they weren’t false; they were his memories, his experiences, his real, flesh-and-blood emotions. Because he had been separated from his true self, he had been suspended in a dark nightmare, forced through a gauntlet of decisions and pain and presented the opportunity to win back his identity.
And he was now fully himself, whole, with a lifetime ahead of him, one with his family, his children, his-Regina.
He realized he was shaking, the event more than he could bear, but there was no regret, only happiness. And he looked at her, at her questing eyes, and he surged forward again, kissing her with no holding back.
“I remember,” he said against her lips. “It’s me.”