You Are Not Your Yesterday: Chapter Eleven: Ill-Boding Patterns
Title: You Are Not Your Yesterday
by Jesterlady
Pairing: Robin/Regina
Summary: At the end of S5, Robin has died and his soul is saved from destruction by the Greek god Zeus, but he is presumed gone forever. Regina is devastated with grief and struggling with her own darkness. After she removes her evil half, the Evil Queen doppelganger begins to wreak havoc on everyone in Storybrooke, finally making a wish that creates a whole new realm and provides a way for Zeus to send Robin’s soul into an alternate self. But this Robin doesn’t know who he is, having an alternate set of villainous memories. When he and Regina meet again, they must struggle with the disconnect and longing they both feel. Can he reclaim his heroic self? Can Regina accept her own dark past and defeat the Evil Queen? And can their true love win through the trials that would reunite them?
Disclaimer: I don't own OUAT. Some lines are from the show. The title is from Ann Voskamp
I really thought the show missed the mark with the return of Robin Hood on the show. So I wanted to take this opportunity to write the story in the way that made sense to me.
I wanted to focus on Zelena and Regina’s relationship here as well, making it a lot more intentional than canon. I think Zelena provides a great foil for Regina’s growth, and I think Zelena’s character deserves better. It provided a way for me to delve into Regina’s growth, her understanding and acceptance of redemption, and how she will continue to be strong and fight. In allowing Robin to go through his own villainous redemption, it gave them an equal ground they hadn’t been able to share before.
I have strong feelings about the Wish Realm. Apart from the its creation, I hated how it was used (so illogical)! So just to be clear, in this story the Wish Realm is not real. Only Robin (with a real soul inside him) can come through to the other side; it collapses as soon as Emma (the point of it) leaves. We see this as Wish Rumple tries to leave and wasn’t able to. This also explains why Robin (and characters connected to him) were young when everyone else had aged.
You definitely need to be familiar with S6 to read this fic. I do ignore a lot of S6 ie Gideon and Black Fairy. You can assume those things are happening alongside of the main events, but I’m ignoring it and deliberately changing where it intersects, because the story needed to focus on Robin and Regina and have a resolved ending that didn’t immediately jump into the next problem.
Regina slowly opened the door to Granny’s, dreading going inside. Her feet dragged her forward, on to meet the potentially uncomfortable situation.
“What can I do for you?” Granny greeted her. “The usual?”
“Not today,” Regina said. “I’m looking for Robin, is he in?”
“Not that I’m aware of. That one would rather sleep outside if you catch my drift.”
“I do, thank you.”
Regina turned to leave.
“I hope it works out this time,” Granny called after her. Regina turned in surprise. “You know, with him.”
Regina wasn’t sure what to make of that, didn’t know what she even wanted, but she was grateful nonetheless. She nodded her thanks, not really trusting her words.
Walking out, she stopped near the gate, wind ruffling her hair, wondering what she should do now. She had an inkling she might know where to find Robin. In fact, if she did find him there, it might be one more confirmation that somewhere inside of him was her Robin. Oh, how she desperately wished it were so.
But she’d pushed him too far the other day and the fact that he’d been avoiding her ever since spoke volumes about his feelings regarding her. She knew that it wasn’t his fault he wasn’t what everyone wanted him to be, but she wished there was a magic way to change that. Granted, the price to be paid for something like that was likely way too high.
She decided she had to apologize, but then she’d back off. She’d see what Henry and Belle came up with and continue her efforts to find a cure for David and Snow’s curse. That was where her priorities needed to lie.
She walked to the forest, needing the time to clear the cobwebs of her thoughts, threading though minefields of traps and mistaken words she might use when the time came to speak. The air smelled better in the forest, Robin had always said. Once, she would have mocked his words, but since knowing him she’d come to appreciate the fresh scents of water, earth, and tree. The leaves crunched under her feet and she made no attempt to hide her approach.
She still found an arrow pointed at her once she reached her destination.
“How did you find me?” he asked, lowering his bow.
“Believe it or not, this is where the other Robin used to come to think,” she said sheepishly.
“I thought we already established I'm not that man.”
“Yes, I-I know,” Regina stammered, “which is why I'm here. I-I came to apologize. I-I know there’s pressure on you to be someone you're not. I'm sorry.”
He stared at her longer than she was comfortable with. Something strange passed over his face, almost a look of guilt. Then he braced himself and looked down.
“I just, uh, I-I think it's taking me a little longer to get used to this world than I imagined.”
“I know. I want to help.”
“No. Regina, really, that's not necessary.”
She pulled her skepticism out.
“Says the man who's hiding in the woods, pointing a bow and arrow at everything that moves. Look, if not me, then someone. But you’ll never get used to the world if you avoid all the people in it.”
“Well, when you put it like that. Why don't I meet you at your manse tonight? Just give me some time to clear my head.”
“Okay,” she said. “And I really am sorry.”
“I know,” he answered.
Regina turned to go, heart slightly lighter at the contact made, the effort exerted, and a potential peace achieved. She was way off the beaten path trying to navigate this quagmire of emotions, identity, and grief.
She reached her hand into her pocket, fingering the feather he’d given her, comforted by its softness and meaning.
---
Robin watched Regina make her way back into town, every step taking her farther from him and awareness of his plans. Part of him wanted to call out to her, but he resolutely steeled himself. He was doing this for her as much as himself. Fine, less than for himself, but there was still something in it for her. He could see she’d never be able to move on while he continued to slap her in the face with his existence.
He told himself lying to her was for the best, resisting the urge to look down at the box by his feet. His midnight trip to her vault had succeeded in the result he’d hoped for, a way out of this town.
He’d spent the last few days acquainting himself with Storybrooke and its residents. The best thieves were patient in reconnaissance. Robin had learned many things, such as, there was a magical protective barrier that separated the town from the rest of this realm. It was a Land Without Magic out there. Magic had never done much for him, so that suited him just fine.
The problem was how to get there, but that’s where the rest of his scouting came in handy. Apparently, the sister Regina had spoken of, the one who’d birthed the other Robin’s daughter, was also a gifted magic user, and one who was not happy with her sister. Robin had spent almost a full day watching her, observing her careful moments, the way she hovered over the child, the way she looked for attack at every turn. Zelena was isolated in this town, just the same as he was. And apparently paranoid that he was going to steal her precious daughter. That he could use.
Watching her though, listening to her sing softly while the baby cooed in reply-it was like little Clara all over again. Robin again had flashes of holding a soft baby head, smiling at tiny sleepy eyes. He shook his head, willing himself not to become embroiled in what was someone else’s past. At least as much as he could help it.
After Regina was out of sight, Robin made his careful way to the farmhouse where Zelena lived and slipped inside, prepared to wait as long as it took. When she came in, he was impressed at how quickly she realized there was an intruder in the house. He watched her round the corner, green flames in her hands, prepared to strike. He was unnerved in spite of himself, but took care to speak casually.
“Careful. I don't think your sister would be too pleased if you caused the demise of a second Robin.”
“I don't care. You're not getting my daughter!”
“Oh, I'm not here for the brat. I never was one for children.” He ignored the stab of betrayal his siblings surely had to be feeling in whatever the afterlife brought. That is, if they even existed. “You see, back where I'm from, I robbed enough witches and warlocks to know the kind of magic you need to break a protection spell. Problem is, I don’t have any way to do it myself.”
“Sorry,” she scoffed, letting the fireball go out. “Grand theft sorcery isn't my thing.”
“Oh, I don't need your help to break in somewhere. I need it to break out.”
She stared at him, clearly intrigued.
“Do you want to leave Storybrooke?”
“It's just that there's this pesky little protection spell surrounding the town.” He leaned on the table, aiming for nonchalance. “I came here for a fresh start . . . new people to rob, places to drink, women to meet. But, you see, I'm not gonna get any of that, not with your sister threatening to reform me at every step.”
His words were carefully chosen, for her and for himself.
“Believe me, that I understand. But why should I help you?”
He laid out his knowledge.
“Because you need to leave this town more than I do. I know when somebody's got a target on their back.”
“I may have a few enemies,” she said, shrugging, but he didn’t miss the way her eyes darted down to look at her daughter’s face.
“Well, isn't it time to make a few friends?”
She studied him with narrow eyes and he looked back, clear-eyed and open-faced. He saw the moment she reached her decision and smiled triumphantly.
“When do we leave?”
“As soon as you can get something put together with this,” he said, producing the box from under his chair.
Zelena examined it carefully and he wondered if she were looking with more than just her physical senses. Finally, she nodded approval.
“That should work. Figures Regina would have the answer and keep it locked up, just so she can keep an eye on everyone.”
He shrugged.
“How long?”
“A few hours,” she said. “Meet me at the town line. You know where?”
“I do,” he said. “I’ll see you there.”
“Once we go,” she said, putting up her hand in warning, “we part ways. I don’t want you getting any ideas about Robin here. She’s not your daughter.”
“Your little one is safe from me,” he said. “Agreed. I’d rather be on my own.”
She looked at him again and he got the feeling this time she saw past his carefree façade.
“No, I don’t think so,” she said. “But if that’s your choice, then you should be allowed to make it.”
He didn’t answer, choosing to leave with whatever dignity he had left.
He walked past Regina’s manse on his way out of town and couldn’t resist peeking in the windows. He would have liked to say goodbye, but he also couldn’t imagine anything harder. She sat with her son Henry at the table, a dark-haired woman he’d been told was the Dark One’s estranged wife sitting beside them. The book was open on the table, along with several other parchments. Henry was writing furiously. He wondered if they were talking about him.
Either way, it didn’t matter. He’d made his choice. His life here wasn’t what he’d thought it could be. He wasn’t what Regina wanted him to be. He’d turned from the hero path long ago, the moment Old Will’s blood had stained his arrow. This town was full of people who’d made the decision to turn from the darkness, but he couldn’t be like them. As dark as her past was, he wouldn’t ever be able to live up to the strength he saw in her resolve to keep fighting.
So Robin turned away from Regina putting her arm around Henry, away from the ghost children that were apparently his in some other life, away from redemption, and made his way to the town line.
---
Regina’s neck prickled and she turned from her position at the table to look out the window. Nothing moved beyond the wind in the trees, but an unsettled feeling remained in her stomach and she wished that she could understand why. Perhaps it was just the subject matter at hand.
“What did we find out” she asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.
She doubted that she succeeded because Henry gave her a comforting smile.
“It’s not much,” Belle said up front, pulling out some notes. “Trying to find information on the real Greek gods is surprisingly difficult considering all the mythology out there.”
“That makes sense.”
“It actually was always a favorite of mine,” Belle said, “back in our land. I read a lot about them, and I assume that information is a little more accurate than what we can find here.”
“That’s good,” Regina said, scooting forward.
“And obviously the book is going to be completely accurate,” Henry put in.
“So, tell me.”
Belle winced and leaned forward.
“All that I read seems to indicate that someone killed with the Olympian Crystal is, in fact, going to have their soul destroyed.”
Regina sat back, a numb feeling stealing over her. That wasn’t news, but for some reason, it felt like everything had changed.
“I’m sorry,” Henry said, studying her closely.
Regina tried to smile at him and turned her attention to Belle.
“I see. Was that everything?” Belle tilted her head, as if deliberating whether or not to say anything. “Please, don’t keep anything back.”
“One story I read as a girl spoke of Zeus capturing a soul before it could dissipate and holding it somewhere. There was no indication of where or if the soul could be restored or why he did it or what happened to it. It’s entirely hearsay from a book I no longer have access to.”
Regina barely heard the words, gripping the feather in her pocket.
“That’s something,” Henry said.
“But not anything we can follow up on,” Belle said. “I’m really sorry, Regina. And I’m sorry that I can’t give more time to this. I’ve got-”
“-A lot on your plate. We know,” Regina finished. “Don’t worry about it. I’m grateful for the help.”
“You’re welcome. I’ll keep you updated if I find anything else,” Belle said, getting up and grabbing her coat.
When the door had shut behind her, Regina sat quietly, unsure of what she was thinking or feeling, or what the truth could hold for her.
“Are you okay, Mom?”
“I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “I think so.”
“What can I do?”
“You don’t have to do anything,” she said, turning to him, a motherly instinct to protect him kicking in. “Did you find out anything else?”
He shook his head.
“Zeus and Aphrodite are both advocates for honor and true love and protect the souls under their care from Hades if they can. Or did. But that doesn’t mean Zeus could do anything for Robin. And it doesn’t explain the wish realm or how he passed over or why he’s so young.”
“Wistful thinking never got anyone anywhere,” Regina said.
“I don’t know. It’s kind of the basis of our whole world, right?”
“I know you grew up with fairytales,” Regina said, grasping his hand. “And you believed in them, but they were still stories to you. Those stories are my life and they’re real and the book can’t possibly convey every nuance within them. This is just one more part it can’t explain.”
“I wish it could,” Henry said, placing a hand over the book that she knew had carried him through many hard years.
“I trust the Author more than the book,” she said, winking at him as casually as she could manage. “Now I know you’ve got a girl you’d like to go see, and I’ve got business to attend to.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked.
“Eventually, I’ll be fine. I’ve got a lot of thinking to do and it’s not easy having a Robin here. But if I need anything, I’ll let someone know, okay?”
“Okay.”
Henry gave her a hug and Regina returned it gratefully, the warmth of his presence healing in a way that nothing else could be. He was what she really needed and wanted and couldn’t bear to lose. He was her whole world.
She watched him awkwardly make a phone call to Violet, their relationship still tenuous and new. It was refreshing and sweet and she wished him joy of it.
After he had left, she made her way to her vault to pick up some supplies she was hoping would finally give her the answer to waking David and Snow for good. But when she stepped through the door, she instantly knew that something was wrong. Something didn’t feel right, the same prickly feeling on her neck returned, and she began looking for something out of place.
When she found it, a bone-deep certainty of what had happened hit her, filling her mind with anger, while a deep resignation stole across her skin. No, he truly wasn’t her Robin.
---
Robin’s feet were getting antsy and he paced up and down the road. Once his mind was made up about a job, he couldn’t rest until it was over. And he was anxious to escape, now that he knew he could. He just hated that he was dependent on someone else to make that happen.
When Zelena finally appeared in a cloud of green smoke, lugging baby things, a baby, and some sort of cage, he snapped at her.
“Where have you been?”
“Don't get your arrows in a twist. I just had to pick up a few things.”
Robin jumped back at the hissing from the cage and warily watched the cobra coiled behind the bars.
“Pet snake?”
“Well, she's practically family.” It was then that he remembered Regina’s words about a darker half. He still didn’t understand it, but he didn’t understand so many things about this town. “And with so many dank sewers out there, I could hardly leave her behind.”
“Right. So, we're doing this.”
She held out a vial.
“Mixed to order. It'll drain the magic out of any spell, including the town line. And then it's hello, New York City.”
He took the vial, but before he could use it, Regina appeared in her own cloud of smoke. He winced, he really didn’t want to face her, but she didn’t even look at him, focusing on Zelena.
“I thought you might be here. I should have known you'd be with him.”
“I know you're gonna miss me, sis, but I couldn't pass up a ticket out of here. And baby Robin needs her mummy very much alive.”
“Like I would’ve let anything happen to you,” Regina snapped.
Zelena’s face softened.
“You’ve got other priorities and I can take care of myself.”
“Not lately.” Regina turned to Robin and he wished her face wasn’t so sad. “Do you really think I wouldn't notice my magic was missing?”
“I can explain-”
“Oh, you mean lie to me again? You said you came here because you wanted to find meaning in your life. Was any of that true?”
Her accusations stung, despite the truth behind them.
“Yes! I truly wanted to find a purpose here, but you made it so hard.”
She stepped back as if he’d slapped her.
“How did I make it hard? All I did was try to help you.”
He softened his tone, trying to bring out truth for her. It wasn’t easy, he was far better at charming his way out of situations, ignoring his own feelings, the better to hide from them. She made that impossible and that was partly why he needed to escape from her town.
“By bringing me somewhere where I'm constantly reminded of somebody that I'm not.” Her face fell and she looked away. He made his tone even more gentle. “Regina, I can't live up to the legacy of a man who died for you.”
“I didn’t ask you to,” she said, tears in her voice. “What I want is for you to live up to the potential of yourself. You have everything you need to be a better man. And you should, but not because of me. Because you’ll never be happy otherwise. And I just wanted some Robin, somewhere, to be happy.”
“I didn’t ask you to,” he said, returning her gaze steadily. “You can’t force heroism on someone. And either way, I’m trying to walk in someone else’s shoes. I can’t do it.”
“I think you’re wrong,” she said, “but it’s your choice to make.” She pointed at the vial. “But that won't work.”
“Don't listen to her,” inserted Zelena. “I made it. It will work.”
“Fine. Don't believe me. Go ahead. Try it,” Regina said, glaring at her sister, who glared back.
Robin didn’t want to stand between them another minute so he flung the vial at the wall. The barrier didn’t budge, as strong as ever. A wall of magic flung itself back on him and he was pushed to the ground.
“What the devil?” he said in disbelief.
“If I had all the ingredients to break the protection spell, do you really think I wouldn't have done it already?” Regina said, looking like she wanted to help him up, but not moving any closer.
Zelena stared at her, looking resentful.
“So, we're trapped here? I bet you're happy now.”
“To not lose my sister again, of course, I am,” Regina said harshly, then turned to Robin. “I know you want to leave, but you don't understand the world out there. It's not like where you're from.”
“I can handle myself, Regina.”
She sighed deeply, sucking in a breath.
“I know. If you really want to leave, I'll dig through every book I have to figure out how to break the protection spell.”
“You will?”
“Yes. I owe it to him . . . to you . . . to let you find your happiness.” She looked down. “Even if it means helping you walk out of here.”
“Thank you,” he said, sincerity overwhelming him.
She stared at him for a long moment, her fists clenched at her sides, a statue of controlled emotion. He wished he could do something to ease her pain, but the only thing he could really do was run from it. He wasn’t built to contain her devotion. He was damaged and she would slip right through his cracks, spilling herself for nothing. This was best.
She nodded and then vanished, the red smoke of her magic wafting across him as he stared at the place where she’d been.
---
Regina stared at herself in the mirror in her vault, trying to decide if she was ready to go home or not. She didn’t want Henry to know how upset she was. And she was upset, bleeding anger and pain through every pore. She’d meant what she said to Robin, she’d help him. She’d looked in his eyes and remembered her words to Zelena the night her Robin had died. He had sacrificed everything for her, and now she would do the same for him, all versions of him, across time and space and realms. It was more than just for him; it was to cement who she wanted to be. She was a deeply flawed woman, darkness or no darkness, but she refused to hate herself for it any longer. She refused to wallow in the self-pity of the fight.
She wondered how much of her would change now that she’d made this resolve. When she’d ripped out the darkness, she’d been so convinced that would take care of her pain, but now she was realizing that life brought more pain, whether you were a hero or a villain. They spent far too much time trying to win happy endings, and not enough simply being happy with who they were.
She could see that Robin would have to come to that knowledge himself, just as she had. It had been hard-fought knowledge, so she hoped it wouldn’t be as painful for him. Despite how destroyed she felt in the wake of his desire to leave, there was a settled peace in her bones she hadn’t felt in a long time. Part of her was convinced that her Robin was in there somewhere. Their stories had surpassed insurmountable odds to have merged at all; she was beginning to believe this was just one more obstacle. And maybe it wouldn’t be the type of story that neatly tied the ends of all the threads together, where no one ever had to wonder if everything would be okay. But Regina had never been a typical story herself, so anything less wouldn’t have felt right with her love story.
In the meantime, she needed to focus on what was important in life. Her family, helping them, restoring her relationship with them. No matter how hard that would be. Anything else was more than selfish, and Regina was done being selfish.
Her resolve was tested sooner than she’d hoped and she couldn’t help being harsh with Zelena when the other woman showed up.
“There you are. Here to steal some more of my magic?”
“No. I'm here to return Queen Cobra before the Charmings realize she's missing.” Zelena lifted the cage as evidence and set it down beside Robin’s baby carrier. Zelena shifted her weight and Regina waited expectantly. “And maybe to . . . apologize. I shouldn't have gone behind your back and helped Robin escape.”
The words washed over Regina, breaking bonds of resentment she hadn’t thought possible to be broken. She looked at her sister and she no longer saw Robin dying. She saw herself as she had been when the curse was broken. Alone, a pariah, angry, ashamed, bursting with maternal love, and only having a child to believe in her.
“No. This one's my fault.”
“Your fault?” Zelena sounded surprised. “Okay. Let's go with that then.”
Regina chuckled.
“I’m not saying what you did was right, but if I hadn’t been so wrapped up in my own pain, then maybe you wouldn’t have felt like you had to run.”
“I appreciate that,” Zelena said carefully.
“I know I haven’t given you a fair chance,” Regina said. “Not that you make it easy or anything, but, for what it’s worth . . . I’m sorry.”
Zelena swallowed hard and Regina hoped she could fully receive what she was trying to give.
“I’m sorry, Regina. Honestly. About Robin, about trying to kill you, about being jealous, about Hades, about everything.”
“Good,” Regina said. “Because I forgive you.”
She watched light steal into Zelena’s eyes and her skin rippled with a brightness that Regina hoped wasn’t the return of her green skin. It wasn’t, in fact, nothing had really changed; there was just something cleaner in Zelena’s air and the way she carried herself. Regina knew how hopeful the feeling of forgiveness could be, and she wished with all she had that Zelena would feel it fully from her.
“That’s not something I ever thought I’d hear,” Zelena said slowly. “But I’ll take it.”
“Good, because from now on, I’m going to be your sister, whether you like it or not.”
Zelena beamed.
“I like it.”
“Is there anything you want to talk about?” Regina asked hesitantly, the feeling of this peace fragile and unsure.
“I dare say I’ll think of something,” Zelena said. “In the meantime, I’m going to take this little one home and tell her some wicked bedtime stories.”
“Of course, you are,” Regina said, fondness mingling in her voice for the first time.
This was better. This was so much better.
“And then we can talk later?” Zelena said.
“Anytime,” Regina said and meant it. She opened her arms tentatively. “To new beginnings?”
Zelena started forward, then stopped, and then flung herself into Regina’s arms. Regina stumbled back, unready for the momentum, but realized she wouldn’t have it any other way. She held her sister tightly.
“New beginnings,” Zelena whispered.
They moved back, shakily avoiding each other’s eyes, Regina felt a little raw, not knowing how to proceed. So she picked up the cage instead, any excuse to quietly process the emotions she was feeling.
“Well, I thought I was rid of you for good, Queenie, but I guess I'll always be paying the price for what you did . . . what I did.”
She uncovered the cage and gasped. The cage was empty.
“What!” Zelena cried. “Where the hell is she?”
by Jesterlady
Pairing: Robin/Regina
Summary: At the end of S5, Robin has died and his soul is saved from destruction by the Greek god Zeus, but he is presumed gone forever. Regina is devastated with grief and struggling with her own darkness. After she removes her evil half, the Evil Queen doppelganger begins to wreak havoc on everyone in Storybrooke, finally making a wish that creates a whole new realm and provides a way for Zeus to send Robin’s soul into an alternate self. But this Robin doesn’t know who he is, having an alternate set of villainous memories. When he and Regina meet again, they must struggle with the disconnect and longing they both feel. Can he reclaim his heroic self? Can Regina accept her own dark past and defeat the Evil Queen? And can their true love win through the trials that would reunite them?
Disclaimer: I don't own OUAT. Some lines are from the show. The title is from Ann Voskamp
I really thought the show missed the mark with the return of Robin Hood on the show. So I wanted to take this opportunity to write the story in the way that made sense to me.
I wanted to focus on Zelena and Regina’s relationship here as well, making it a lot more intentional than canon. I think Zelena provides a great foil for Regina’s growth, and I think Zelena’s character deserves better. It provided a way for me to delve into Regina’s growth, her understanding and acceptance of redemption, and how she will continue to be strong and fight. In allowing Robin to go through his own villainous redemption, it gave them an equal ground they hadn’t been able to share before.
I have strong feelings about the Wish Realm. Apart from the its creation, I hated how it was used (so illogical)! So just to be clear, in this story the Wish Realm is not real. Only Robin (with a real soul inside him) can come through to the other side; it collapses as soon as Emma (the point of it) leaves. We see this as Wish Rumple tries to leave and wasn’t able to. This also explains why Robin (and characters connected to him) were young when everyone else had aged.
You definitely need to be familiar with S6 to read this fic. I do ignore a lot of S6 ie Gideon and Black Fairy. You can assume those things are happening alongside of the main events, but I’m ignoring it and deliberately changing where it intersects, because the story needed to focus on Robin and Regina and have a resolved ending that didn’t immediately jump into the next problem.
Regina slowly opened the door to Granny’s, dreading going inside. Her feet dragged her forward, on to meet the potentially uncomfortable situation.
“What can I do for you?” Granny greeted her. “The usual?”
“Not today,” Regina said. “I’m looking for Robin, is he in?”
“Not that I’m aware of. That one would rather sleep outside if you catch my drift.”
“I do, thank you.”
Regina turned to leave.
“I hope it works out this time,” Granny called after her. Regina turned in surprise. “You know, with him.”
Regina wasn’t sure what to make of that, didn’t know what she even wanted, but she was grateful nonetheless. She nodded her thanks, not really trusting her words.
Walking out, she stopped near the gate, wind ruffling her hair, wondering what she should do now. She had an inkling she might know where to find Robin. In fact, if she did find him there, it might be one more confirmation that somewhere inside of him was her Robin. Oh, how she desperately wished it were so.
But she’d pushed him too far the other day and the fact that he’d been avoiding her ever since spoke volumes about his feelings regarding her. She knew that it wasn’t his fault he wasn’t what everyone wanted him to be, but she wished there was a magic way to change that. Granted, the price to be paid for something like that was likely way too high.
She decided she had to apologize, but then she’d back off. She’d see what Henry and Belle came up with and continue her efforts to find a cure for David and Snow’s curse. That was where her priorities needed to lie.
She walked to the forest, needing the time to clear the cobwebs of her thoughts, threading though minefields of traps and mistaken words she might use when the time came to speak. The air smelled better in the forest, Robin had always said. Once, she would have mocked his words, but since knowing him she’d come to appreciate the fresh scents of water, earth, and tree. The leaves crunched under her feet and she made no attempt to hide her approach.
She still found an arrow pointed at her once she reached her destination.
“How did you find me?” he asked, lowering his bow.
“Believe it or not, this is where the other Robin used to come to think,” she said sheepishly.
“I thought we already established I'm not that man.”
“Yes, I-I know,” Regina stammered, “which is why I'm here. I-I came to apologize. I-I know there’s pressure on you to be someone you're not. I'm sorry.”
He stared at her longer than she was comfortable with. Something strange passed over his face, almost a look of guilt. Then he braced himself and looked down.
“I just, uh, I-I think it's taking me a little longer to get used to this world than I imagined.”
“I know. I want to help.”
“No. Regina, really, that's not necessary.”
She pulled her skepticism out.
“Says the man who's hiding in the woods, pointing a bow and arrow at everything that moves. Look, if not me, then someone. But you’ll never get used to the world if you avoid all the people in it.”
“Well, when you put it like that. Why don't I meet you at your manse tonight? Just give me some time to clear my head.”
“Okay,” she said. “And I really am sorry.”
“I know,” he answered.
Regina turned to go, heart slightly lighter at the contact made, the effort exerted, and a potential peace achieved. She was way off the beaten path trying to navigate this quagmire of emotions, identity, and grief.
She reached her hand into her pocket, fingering the feather he’d given her, comforted by its softness and meaning.
---
Robin watched Regina make her way back into town, every step taking her farther from him and awareness of his plans. Part of him wanted to call out to her, but he resolutely steeled himself. He was doing this for her as much as himself. Fine, less than for himself, but there was still something in it for her. He could see she’d never be able to move on while he continued to slap her in the face with his existence.
He told himself lying to her was for the best, resisting the urge to look down at the box by his feet. His midnight trip to her vault had succeeded in the result he’d hoped for, a way out of this town.
He’d spent the last few days acquainting himself with Storybrooke and its residents. The best thieves were patient in reconnaissance. Robin had learned many things, such as, there was a magical protective barrier that separated the town from the rest of this realm. It was a Land Without Magic out there. Magic had never done much for him, so that suited him just fine.
The problem was how to get there, but that’s where the rest of his scouting came in handy. Apparently, the sister Regina had spoken of, the one who’d birthed the other Robin’s daughter, was also a gifted magic user, and one who was not happy with her sister. Robin had spent almost a full day watching her, observing her careful moments, the way she hovered over the child, the way she looked for attack at every turn. Zelena was isolated in this town, just the same as he was. And apparently paranoid that he was going to steal her precious daughter. That he could use.
Watching her though, listening to her sing softly while the baby cooed in reply-it was like little Clara all over again. Robin again had flashes of holding a soft baby head, smiling at tiny sleepy eyes. He shook his head, willing himself not to become embroiled in what was someone else’s past. At least as much as he could help it.
After Regina was out of sight, Robin made his careful way to the farmhouse where Zelena lived and slipped inside, prepared to wait as long as it took. When she came in, he was impressed at how quickly she realized there was an intruder in the house. He watched her round the corner, green flames in her hands, prepared to strike. He was unnerved in spite of himself, but took care to speak casually.
“Careful. I don't think your sister would be too pleased if you caused the demise of a second Robin.”
“I don't care. You're not getting my daughter!”
“Oh, I'm not here for the brat. I never was one for children.” He ignored the stab of betrayal his siblings surely had to be feeling in whatever the afterlife brought. That is, if they even existed. “You see, back where I'm from, I robbed enough witches and warlocks to know the kind of magic you need to break a protection spell. Problem is, I don’t have any way to do it myself.”
“Sorry,” she scoffed, letting the fireball go out. “Grand theft sorcery isn't my thing.”
“Oh, I don't need your help to break in somewhere. I need it to break out.”
She stared at him, clearly intrigued.
“Do you want to leave Storybrooke?”
“It's just that there's this pesky little protection spell surrounding the town.” He leaned on the table, aiming for nonchalance. “I came here for a fresh start . . . new people to rob, places to drink, women to meet. But, you see, I'm not gonna get any of that, not with your sister threatening to reform me at every step.”
His words were carefully chosen, for her and for himself.
“Believe me, that I understand. But why should I help you?”
He laid out his knowledge.
“Because you need to leave this town more than I do. I know when somebody's got a target on their back.”
“I may have a few enemies,” she said, shrugging, but he didn’t miss the way her eyes darted down to look at her daughter’s face.
“Well, isn't it time to make a few friends?”
She studied him with narrow eyes and he looked back, clear-eyed and open-faced. He saw the moment she reached her decision and smiled triumphantly.
“When do we leave?”
“As soon as you can get something put together with this,” he said, producing the box from under his chair.
Zelena examined it carefully and he wondered if she were looking with more than just her physical senses. Finally, she nodded approval.
“That should work. Figures Regina would have the answer and keep it locked up, just so she can keep an eye on everyone.”
He shrugged.
“How long?”
“A few hours,” she said. “Meet me at the town line. You know where?”
“I do,” he said. “I’ll see you there.”
“Once we go,” she said, putting up her hand in warning, “we part ways. I don’t want you getting any ideas about Robin here. She’s not your daughter.”
“Your little one is safe from me,” he said. “Agreed. I’d rather be on my own.”
She looked at him again and he got the feeling this time she saw past his carefree façade.
“No, I don’t think so,” she said. “But if that’s your choice, then you should be allowed to make it.”
He didn’t answer, choosing to leave with whatever dignity he had left.
He walked past Regina’s manse on his way out of town and couldn’t resist peeking in the windows. He would have liked to say goodbye, but he also couldn’t imagine anything harder. She sat with her son Henry at the table, a dark-haired woman he’d been told was the Dark One’s estranged wife sitting beside them. The book was open on the table, along with several other parchments. Henry was writing furiously. He wondered if they were talking about him.
Either way, it didn’t matter. He’d made his choice. His life here wasn’t what he’d thought it could be. He wasn’t what Regina wanted him to be. He’d turned from the hero path long ago, the moment Old Will’s blood had stained his arrow. This town was full of people who’d made the decision to turn from the darkness, but he couldn’t be like them. As dark as her past was, he wouldn’t ever be able to live up to the strength he saw in her resolve to keep fighting.
So Robin turned away from Regina putting her arm around Henry, away from the ghost children that were apparently his in some other life, away from redemption, and made his way to the town line.
---
Regina’s neck prickled and she turned from her position at the table to look out the window. Nothing moved beyond the wind in the trees, but an unsettled feeling remained in her stomach and she wished that she could understand why. Perhaps it was just the subject matter at hand.
“What did we find out” she asked, trying not to sound too hopeful.
She doubted that she succeeded because Henry gave her a comforting smile.
“It’s not much,” Belle said up front, pulling out some notes. “Trying to find information on the real Greek gods is surprisingly difficult considering all the mythology out there.”
“That makes sense.”
“It actually was always a favorite of mine,” Belle said, “back in our land. I read a lot about them, and I assume that information is a little more accurate than what we can find here.”
“That’s good,” Regina said, scooting forward.
“And obviously the book is going to be completely accurate,” Henry put in.
“So, tell me.”
Belle winced and leaned forward.
“All that I read seems to indicate that someone killed with the Olympian Crystal is, in fact, going to have their soul destroyed.”
Regina sat back, a numb feeling stealing over her. That wasn’t news, but for some reason, it felt like everything had changed.
“I’m sorry,” Henry said, studying her closely.
Regina tried to smile at him and turned her attention to Belle.
“I see. Was that everything?” Belle tilted her head, as if deliberating whether or not to say anything. “Please, don’t keep anything back.”
“One story I read as a girl spoke of Zeus capturing a soul before it could dissipate and holding it somewhere. There was no indication of where or if the soul could be restored or why he did it or what happened to it. It’s entirely hearsay from a book I no longer have access to.”
Regina barely heard the words, gripping the feather in her pocket.
“That’s something,” Henry said.
“But not anything we can follow up on,” Belle said. “I’m really sorry, Regina. And I’m sorry that I can’t give more time to this. I’ve got-”
“-A lot on your plate. We know,” Regina finished. “Don’t worry about it. I’m grateful for the help.”
“You’re welcome. I’ll keep you updated if I find anything else,” Belle said, getting up and grabbing her coat.
When the door had shut behind her, Regina sat quietly, unsure of what she was thinking or feeling, or what the truth could hold for her.
“Are you okay, Mom?”
“I don’t know,” she answered honestly. “I think so.”
“What can I do?”
“You don’t have to do anything,” she said, turning to him, a motherly instinct to protect him kicking in. “Did you find out anything else?”
He shook his head.
“Zeus and Aphrodite are both advocates for honor and true love and protect the souls under their care from Hades if they can. Or did. But that doesn’t mean Zeus could do anything for Robin. And it doesn’t explain the wish realm or how he passed over or why he’s so young.”
“Wistful thinking never got anyone anywhere,” Regina said.
“I don’t know. It’s kind of the basis of our whole world, right?”
“I know you grew up with fairytales,” Regina said, grasping his hand. “And you believed in them, but they were still stories to you. Those stories are my life and they’re real and the book can’t possibly convey every nuance within them. This is just one more part it can’t explain.”
“I wish it could,” Henry said, placing a hand over the book that she knew had carried him through many hard years.
“I trust the Author more than the book,” she said, winking at him as casually as she could manage. “Now I know you’ve got a girl you’d like to go see, and I’ve got business to attend to.”
“Are you sure you’re okay?” he asked.
“Eventually, I’ll be fine. I’ve got a lot of thinking to do and it’s not easy having a Robin here. But if I need anything, I’ll let someone know, okay?”
“Okay.”
Henry gave her a hug and Regina returned it gratefully, the warmth of his presence healing in a way that nothing else could be. He was what she really needed and wanted and couldn’t bear to lose. He was her whole world.
She watched him awkwardly make a phone call to Violet, their relationship still tenuous and new. It was refreshing and sweet and she wished him joy of it.
After he had left, she made her way to her vault to pick up some supplies she was hoping would finally give her the answer to waking David and Snow for good. But when she stepped through the door, she instantly knew that something was wrong. Something didn’t feel right, the same prickly feeling on her neck returned, and she began looking for something out of place.
When she found it, a bone-deep certainty of what had happened hit her, filling her mind with anger, while a deep resignation stole across her skin. No, he truly wasn’t her Robin.
---
Robin’s feet were getting antsy and he paced up and down the road. Once his mind was made up about a job, he couldn’t rest until it was over. And he was anxious to escape, now that he knew he could. He just hated that he was dependent on someone else to make that happen.
When Zelena finally appeared in a cloud of green smoke, lugging baby things, a baby, and some sort of cage, he snapped at her.
“Where have you been?”
“Don't get your arrows in a twist. I just had to pick up a few things.”
Robin jumped back at the hissing from the cage and warily watched the cobra coiled behind the bars.
“Pet snake?”
“Well, she's practically family.” It was then that he remembered Regina’s words about a darker half. He still didn’t understand it, but he didn’t understand so many things about this town. “And with so many dank sewers out there, I could hardly leave her behind.”
“Right. So, we're doing this.”
She held out a vial.
“Mixed to order. It'll drain the magic out of any spell, including the town line. And then it's hello, New York City.”
He took the vial, but before he could use it, Regina appeared in her own cloud of smoke. He winced, he really didn’t want to face her, but she didn’t even look at him, focusing on Zelena.
“I thought you might be here. I should have known you'd be with him.”
“I know you're gonna miss me, sis, but I couldn't pass up a ticket out of here. And baby Robin needs her mummy very much alive.”
“Like I would’ve let anything happen to you,” Regina snapped.
Zelena’s face softened.
“You’ve got other priorities and I can take care of myself.”
“Not lately.” Regina turned to Robin and he wished her face wasn’t so sad. “Do you really think I wouldn't notice my magic was missing?”
“I can explain-”
“Oh, you mean lie to me again? You said you came here because you wanted to find meaning in your life. Was any of that true?”
Her accusations stung, despite the truth behind them.
“Yes! I truly wanted to find a purpose here, but you made it so hard.”
She stepped back as if he’d slapped her.
“How did I make it hard? All I did was try to help you.”
He softened his tone, trying to bring out truth for her. It wasn’t easy, he was far better at charming his way out of situations, ignoring his own feelings, the better to hide from them. She made that impossible and that was partly why he needed to escape from her town.
“By bringing me somewhere where I'm constantly reminded of somebody that I'm not.” Her face fell and she looked away. He made his tone even more gentle. “Regina, I can't live up to the legacy of a man who died for you.”
“I didn’t ask you to,” she said, tears in her voice. “What I want is for you to live up to the potential of yourself. You have everything you need to be a better man. And you should, but not because of me. Because you’ll never be happy otherwise. And I just wanted some Robin, somewhere, to be happy.”
“I didn’t ask you to,” he said, returning her gaze steadily. “You can’t force heroism on someone. And either way, I’m trying to walk in someone else’s shoes. I can’t do it.”
“I think you’re wrong,” she said, “but it’s your choice to make.” She pointed at the vial. “But that won't work.”
“Don't listen to her,” inserted Zelena. “I made it. It will work.”
“Fine. Don't believe me. Go ahead. Try it,” Regina said, glaring at her sister, who glared back.
Robin didn’t want to stand between them another minute so he flung the vial at the wall. The barrier didn’t budge, as strong as ever. A wall of magic flung itself back on him and he was pushed to the ground.
“What the devil?” he said in disbelief.
“If I had all the ingredients to break the protection spell, do you really think I wouldn't have done it already?” Regina said, looking like she wanted to help him up, but not moving any closer.
Zelena stared at her, looking resentful.
“So, we're trapped here? I bet you're happy now.”
“To not lose my sister again, of course, I am,” Regina said harshly, then turned to Robin. “I know you want to leave, but you don't understand the world out there. It's not like where you're from.”
“I can handle myself, Regina.”
She sighed deeply, sucking in a breath.
“I know. If you really want to leave, I'll dig through every book I have to figure out how to break the protection spell.”
“You will?”
“Yes. I owe it to him . . . to you . . . to let you find your happiness.” She looked down. “Even if it means helping you walk out of here.”
“Thank you,” he said, sincerity overwhelming him.
She stared at him for a long moment, her fists clenched at her sides, a statue of controlled emotion. He wished he could do something to ease her pain, but the only thing he could really do was run from it. He wasn’t built to contain her devotion. He was damaged and she would slip right through his cracks, spilling herself for nothing. This was best.
She nodded and then vanished, the red smoke of her magic wafting across him as he stared at the place where she’d been.
---
Regina stared at herself in the mirror in her vault, trying to decide if she was ready to go home or not. She didn’t want Henry to know how upset she was. And she was upset, bleeding anger and pain through every pore. She’d meant what she said to Robin, she’d help him. She’d looked in his eyes and remembered her words to Zelena the night her Robin had died. He had sacrificed everything for her, and now she would do the same for him, all versions of him, across time and space and realms. It was more than just for him; it was to cement who she wanted to be. She was a deeply flawed woman, darkness or no darkness, but she refused to hate herself for it any longer. She refused to wallow in the self-pity of the fight.
She wondered how much of her would change now that she’d made this resolve. When she’d ripped out the darkness, she’d been so convinced that would take care of her pain, but now she was realizing that life brought more pain, whether you were a hero or a villain. They spent far too much time trying to win happy endings, and not enough simply being happy with who they were.
She could see that Robin would have to come to that knowledge himself, just as she had. It had been hard-fought knowledge, so she hoped it wouldn’t be as painful for him. Despite how destroyed she felt in the wake of his desire to leave, there was a settled peace in her bones she hadn’t felt in a long time. Part of her was convinced that her Robin was in there somewhere. Their stories had surpassed insurmountable odds to have merged at all; she was beginning to believe this was just one more obstacle. And maybe it wouldn’t be the type of story that neatly tied the ends of all the threads together, where no one ever had to wonder if everything would be okay. But Regina had never been a typical story herself, so anything less wouldn’t have felt right with her love story.
In the meantime, she needed to focus on what was important in life. Her family, helping them, restoring her relationship with them. No matter how hard that would be. Anything else was more than selfish, and Regina was done being selfish.
Her resolve was tested sooner than she’d hoped and she couldn’t help being harsh with Zelena when the other woman showed up.
“There you are. Here to steal some more of my magic?”
“No. I'm here to return Queen Cobra before the Charmings realize she's missing.” Zelena lifted the cage as evidence and set it down beside Robin’s baby carrier. Zelena shifted her weight and Regina waited expectantly. “And maybe to . . . apologize. I shouldn't have gone behind your back and helped Robin escape.”
The words washed over Regina, breaking bonds of resentment she hadn’t thought possible to be broken. She looked at her sister and she no longer saw Robin dying. She saw herself as she had been when the curse was broken. Alone, a pariah, angry, ashamed, bursting with maternal love, and only having a child to believe in her.
“No. This one's my fault.”
“Your fault?” Zelena sounded surprised. “Okay. Let's go with that then.”
Regina chuckled.
“I’m not saying what you did was right, but if I hadn’t been so wrapped up in my own pain, then maybe you wouldn’t have felt like you had to run.”
“I appreciate that,” Zelena said carefully.
“I know I haven’t given you a fair chance,” Regina said. “Not that you make it easy or anything, but, for what it’s worth . . . I’m sorry.”
Zelena swallowed hard and Regina hoped she could fully receive what she was trying to give.
“I’m sorry, Regina. Honestly. About Robin, about trying to kill you, about being jealous, about Hades, about everything.”
“Good,” Regina said. “Because I forgive you.”
She watched light steal into Zelena’s eyes and her skin rippled with a brightness that Regina hoped wasn’t the return of her green skin. It wasn’t, in fact, nothing had really changed; there was just something cleaner in Zelena’s air and the way she carried herself. Regina knew how hopeful the feeling of forgiveness could be, and she wished with all she had that Zelena would feel it fully from her.
“That’s not something I ever thought I’d hear,” Zelena said slowly. “But I’ll take it.”
“Good, because from now on, I’m going to be your sister, whether you like it or not.”
Zelena beamed.
“I like it.”
“Is there anything you want to talk about?” Regina asked hesitantly, the feeling of this peace fragile and unsure.
“I dare say I’ll think of something,” Zelena said. “In the meantime, I’m going to take this little one home and tell her some wicked bedtime stories.”
“Of course, you are,” Regina said, fondness mingling in her voice for the first time.
This was better. This was so much better.
“And then we can talk later?” Zelena said.
“Anytime,” Regina said and meant it. She opened her arms tentatively. “To new beginnings?”
Zelena started forward, then stopped, and then flung herself into Regina’s arms. Regina stumbled back, unready for the momentum, but realized she wouldn’t have it any other way. She held her sister tightly.
“New beginnings,” Zelena whispered.
They moved back, shakily avoiding each other’s eyes, Regina felt a little raw, not knowing how to proceed. So she picked up the cage instead, any excuse to quietly process the emotions she was feeling.
“Well, I thought I was rid of you for good, Queenie, but I guess I'll always be paying the price for what you did . . . what I did.”
She uncovered the cage and gasped. The cage was empty.
“What!” Zelena cried. “Where the hell is she?”