can't stop listening to "Metric"
Winona is as beautiful as always. My parents and I get along real well, but I don't think we should live together again. I forgot to follow the rules of their house, and in doing so created tiffs. However, Winona itself was nice. Because it is relatively small, in comparison with TC, I was able to walk everywhere. One day I walked to a beach in wisconsin and lay with friends and drank beer. Another time I went to another beach with Jaimee and Erin. I went hiking with my parents too, which is always wonderful to do. The last day there I went with people, mostly D, and got champagne and donuts, and climbed to the look-out point above Winona. It was glorious. I also got to see my friend D when I was there. I love D, he is one of my best buds from childhood, and this past week I saw him a lot.
Seeing D has been an interesting experience. The first day arrived I went to the Acoustic, and D was working. When he got a break we talked and walked, which is always awkward, yet I think he has no other people who know him as well as I might, and no one to talk to about queer things with, so having me there was a nice relief. He’s having an identity crisis as he sees himself in the heterosexual hierarchy, and trying to break away from that when that is the only lens that people know is incredibly difficult for both your image that others see, as well as your own self-identity. I get that. The way to further yourself along your self-actualization path is with the help of others, and what they can teach you. If you are in an unhealthy environment for that it is easy to get stuck in a rut. Going to Minneapolis helped for me, because I became friends with all these amazing, mostly queer, people who aren’t driven around the social norms of breeders. D hates that macho and competitive factor that surrounds straight males. It makes sense to me; it’s kind of like when male animals fight for the females’ attention. But D doesn’t have to do that, because attracting a female mate is not on his list. He says that he keeps falling for guys that are straight, but that’s not weird by any means; he’s falling for people he’s around. If there were queers around more, maybe he would be falling for them, but he can’t turn off his emotions like that.
I went to "Bomp" last night at the Bedlam Theater with Seth (and met up with Melinda and Matt there). It was soooo great! After a week in Winona of really relaxing activities, all I want to do is dance my little heart out, and by golly, I did!
I also saw Zach over break. Zach was my first boyfriend, and because we never really got to give our relationship a chance (at the end of the summer I went to Morris and he to NYC.... toooo long distance for me) now whenever we see each other, this "what if?" question always pops into our head. It was a bit weird seeing him... he's a little socially awkward for someone who is an actor. Anyway, it makes sense to me that people that you once dated, unless it ended horribly, are still going to be there, dwelling in your mind as a possible romantic interest in the future. Maybe someday Zach and I will be living comfortably in the same city... but maybe not.
It's just, one of those things. (breaks out into song)
Seeing D has been an interesting experience. The first day arrived I went to the Acoustic, and D was working. When he got a break we talked and walked, which is always awkward, yet I think he has no other people who know him as well as I might, and no one to talk to about queer things with, so having me there was a nice relief. He’s having an identity crisis as he sees himself in the heterosexual hierarchy, and trying to break away from that when that is the only lens that people know is incredibly difficult for both your image that others see, as well as your own self-identity. I get that. The way to further yourself along your self-actualization path is with the help of others, and what they can teach you. If you are in an unhealthy environment for that it is easy to get stuck in a rut. Going to Minneapolis helped for me, because I became friends with all these amazing, mostly queer, people who aren’t driven around the social norms of breeders. D hates that macho and competitive factor that surrounds straight males. It makes sense to me; it’s kind of like when male animals fight for the females’ attention. But D doesn’t have to do that, because attracting a female mate is not on his list. He says that he keeps falling for guys that are straight, but that’s not weird by any means; he’s falling for people he’s around. If there were queers around more, maybe he would be falling for them, but he can’t turn off his emotions like that.
I went to "Bomp" last night at the Bedlam Theater with Seth (and met up with Melinda and Matt there). It was soooo great! After a week in Winona of really relaxing activities, all I want to do is dance my little heart out, and by golly, I did!
I also saw Zach over break. Zach was my first boyfriend, and because we never really got to give our relationship a chance (at the end of the summer I went to Morris and he to NYC.... toooo long distance for me) now whenever we see each other, this "what if?" question always pops into our head. It was a bit weird seeing him... he's a little socially awkward for someone who is an actor. Anyway, it makes sense to me that people that you once dated, unless it ended horribly, are still going to be there, dwelling in your mind as a possible romantic interest in the future. Maybe someday Zach and I will be living comfortably in the same city... but maybe not.
It's just, one of those things. (breaks out into song)