yuck... there really is no other way to put it.
have u ever been grossed out by everything and everyone? or almost everyone im sure there are a few exceptions to this feeling but im not going to sit and think it through because i just dont feel like it. this might be the flu or whatever it is that i have talking but i feel so eeeew like alone and in a way it bothering me and in another me being completely alright with it... i feel like becoming in tune with those i gave a shit about and mean something to me i guess letting them know i love them sorta. but i dont know where to let the effort begin... like who to call or not to call... i feel like spending time with someone but im not sure who i mean im sure that its no one recent its someone ive known for a while someone who knows me... thats it i feel like spending time with someone who know me! someone who understands me... or at least has tried and gets a jist of me.. . lol asking someone to understand me is like asking someone to translate something in italian when all they know is japanese... lol if that even made sense im sure most of u understood... and all the same i feel like running heading for the hills... somewhere away from everything but i dont want to go alone because i think im ready to socialize again and try and care again... its just that im such an idiot when it comes to that kind of junk... to knowing the truth through people... to knowing who cares and who doesnt... and i give myself up... and then im left there to drown... lol because i realize then that i confided in the wrong person... ive drowned so many times... heh... maybe im imune now maybe it wont hurt as much anymore because its happened so many times. i think its time to combust i have to many withheld imotions and i just need to get them out... i have to do that sometimes just cry everything thats bothered me the past few weeks or so out it kinda makes things better. god i feel like such an idiot...