Dear Jessica,
Crawling deeper into the depths of my inner torment so that I must kill all that exits me in the future before it happens. It drives me nuts that so much of me is driven on pure angst and hatred towards myself. I will never grow as a person if I don't let loose some things and just leave it be. I think too much says Lynette.. and she is right.. I really really do.. So what is the point of this letter to myself but to let out frustration so that I may let it go later on down the line. I am screaming with the desire to just jump off a really high platform so that I may dive into a pool of self containment, regret, shame, and yet feel the awkward sense that I may get better soon. Might I be over this soon if I just let things go... but hey depression and personality disorders are two seperate things yet linked together at a common ground of depression! Durh!!! I need to rearrange somethings so that I may figure out who I am fighting for and who I am working towards preparing myself for a proper burial. The new Jess is much better than the old one. She cares about herself and jinxes the others from caring about her so she pushes them away. Oh wait.. durh that is the old Jess kinda sorta. I am working towards the goal of more exercise, less fatigue, and definitely a lot more free fall of my thoughts and emotions so that I can think clearer. The rest on the road to sanity is not going to be a cakewalk but I am willing to make it that if others have suggestions as to what I can do to make it so.