(no subject)
This week, my classmates all got their acceptance letters for the Ph.D program at U of T. I was really happy for all three of them: Ramiro because he is absolutely brilliant and a wonderful human being; Roger, because he is such a delightful guy, and fought so much to get what he wants; and Agnes, because she gives her 110% in everything she does, and truly thinks that she can change the world (her faith in humankind never ceases to amaze me).
Of course I didn't get a letter of acceptance, the reason being that I didn't apply. I could have. It was my full intention to do so, but then things got a little crazy, and I felt extremely overwhelmed by everything that was going on in my life. So I made the conscious decision (the night before the deadline), to wait. This could be my potential downfall, OR the best decision I've ever made but I truly think that it will be positive overall. I need at least a year, perhaps even two, to just settle down, breathe through my nose, and CHILL. Soon, with a bit of luck, I'll have my husband with me and we can just enjoy the simple things in life. For once, I won't have to be running around like a headless chicken trying to plan my next move. I'm so used to being on the move and constantly doing new things, that doing things that are "boring" per say, are actually quite "new" to me in some respects. I think it will be really pleasant and relaxing.
Yet I couldn't help but feel just a tiny bit of regret when I found out my friends had been accepted. I know that ultimately, I made the right decision. I've come to the conclusion that I'm having these feelings because I'm know that part of me is going to miss the whole university scene next year, especially the people that I have been surrounded with during the past few months. We share a special bond because we are all going through the same thing; sometimes it is difficult for someone on the outside to understand that. Yoan is supportive, and so are my friends and family, but they still wouldn't be able to grasp exactly what it is I do, the stress I go through, the pressures, etc... It is something that is difficult to explain.
But anyway, no crying over spilled milk. If I start talking about regret in the next few entries, I want someone to come over to my house and kick my ass... I mean it!