dangit i have so much hw to do...
but i dont write about this experience enough and i feel like i should.
i had a moment in the car tonight when i was driving home...and i just asked myself, "how much did you just take the time to enjoy today?" like just really soak in some moments. I'm trying to get better at it and its VERY hard when all you can think about is what you have to get done, where you need to be, where 24 people need to be, and A LOT OF OTHER THINGS...and sometimes i just want to, just for a second, enjoy a moment. Like the moment i did my co-chair introduction in front of 3 sessions, like the moments i sat in the dp with the other chairs in my session and realized we now have our camps and our session, like the moment i realized that i had a camp in front of me and had to lead a dp with kenny, like the moment i could actually say his name in here lol....
we have our camp now and its just incredible. the month of february went soooo fast and i cant believe we have our camp now...these people are real and they arent just apps anymore. Its awesome. I dont know if many people know what it feels like to literally hand pick 24 people and hope for the best and start seeing it become that. its awesome...i have a lump in my throat thinking about it.
I dont think it will ever hit me that im a chair. But im trying so hard to just hold on to these moments because they are going by wayyy too fast. Theres so many things i want to take the time to notice and give my heart to. Like today, i was just soo busy that i just didnt have time to go talk to lowe counselors or fish and when i would see them or walk away i just wanted so bad to say how proud i am of them and how incredible it is to see them in a new camp. My fish are counselors now...my favorite 08 counselors are now amazing experienced counselors in their camp...i mean crap, my amazing co-chair is now a counselor again. Thats the kind of continuity i want to be able to keep recognizing and praising. Theres just so much every chair wants to give to individual people, your overwhelmed with the ability to care and sometimes you just have dont have the literal time too. I dont know if that makes sense. I know its only the first week, but i really just want to be a part of my counselors lives, like a real part of each of their lives...and i think now im realizing how big of a task that is...investing your heart in that many people can get exhausting...but its so worthwhile.
i feel like my mind is always on and thats why i think im so physically tired all the time. I'm just always running through in my head exactlly what i need to do in the next few minutes, hours, days and it just never shuts off. I wake up thinking about fish camp, think about it all day, try to fit school in there, and then go to bed thinking about fish cmap. Its kind of disturbing actually lol. I just want so badly to be a great chair and be dependable and im seeing not only how much time that takes but also emotional energy. I mean the other day when i went to talk to my befb teacher (crap i never wrote about that...it was VERY bad. done and done) i just cried...and not because i was that upset with what she was telling me (okay maybe yeah i was) but just because i hadnt cried in awhile and everything was hitting me at once. It was rough. I just really need spring break to get here to just shut off my mind for a bit. I'm sooo looking forward to that.
that ended depressingly. and in NO way is my life depressing...just hectic. Our revelation was pretty much one of the greatest nights of my fc history, dp one went soo well, i adore my camp, and im soo excited about our future and my future in this organization. I mean i seriously tried to just look at each individual person in our camp today just for a second and instantly all the things that i loved about that person started flying through my head, every single one of them is so different and its one of the coolest things ever to just instantly see the potential in them. And then there was a time where i just listened to kenny talk for a second and just trust him and trust our partnership.
Its just awesome to always be looking forward and hoping for the best and somehow always trusting that it will turn out that way.
i had a moment in the car tonight when i was driving home...and i just asked myself, "how much did you just take the time to enjoy today?" like just really soak in some moments. I'm trying to get better at it and its VERY hard when all you can think about is what you have to get done, where you need to be, where 24 people need to be, and A LOT OF OTHER THINGS...and sometimes i just want to, just for a second, enjoy a moment. Like the moment i did my co-chair introduction in front of 3 sessions, like the moments i sat in the dp with the other chairs in my session and realized we now have our camps and our session, like the moment i realized that i had a camp in front of me and had to lead a dp with kenny, like the moment i could actually say his name in here lol....
we have our camp now and its just incredible. the month of february went soooo fast and i cant believe we have our camp now...these people are real and they arent just apps anymore. Its awesome. I dont know if many people know what it feels like to literally hand pick 24 people and hope for the best and start seeing it become that. its awesome...i have a lump in my throat thinking about it.
I dont think it will ever hit me that im a chair. But im trying so hard to just hold on to these moments because they are going by wayyy too fast. Theres so many things i want to take the time to notice and give my heart to. Like today, i was just soo busy that i just didnt have time to go talk to lowe counselors or fish and when i would see them or walk away i just wanted so bad to say how proud i am of them and how incredible it is to see them in a new camp. My fish are counselors now...my favorite 08 counselors are now amazing experienced counselors in their camp...i mean crap, my amazing co-chair is now a counselor again. Thats the kind of continuity i want to be able to keep recognizing and praising. Theres just so much every chair wants to give to individual people, your overwhelmed with the ability to care and sometimes you just have dont have the literal time too. I dont know if that makes sense. I know its only the first week, but i really just want to be a part of my counselors lives, like a real part of each of their lives...and i think now im realizing how big of a task that is...investing your heart in that many people can get exhausting...but its so worthwhile.
i feel like my mind is always on and thats why i think im so physically tired all the time. I'm just always running through in my head exactlly what i need to do in the next few minutes, hours, days and it just never shuts off. I wake up thinking about fish camp, think about it all day, try to fit school in there, and then go to bed thinking about fish cmap. Its kind of disturbing actually lol. I just want so badly to be a great chair and be dependable and im seeing not only how much time that takes but also emotional energy. I mean the other day when i went to talk to my befb teacher (crap i never wrote about that...it was VERY bad. done and done) i just cried...and not because i was that upset with what she was telling me (okay maybe yeah i was) but just because i hadnt cried in awhile and everything was hitting me at once. It was rough. I just really need spring break to get here to just shut off my mind for a bit. I'm sooo looking forward to that.
that ended depressingly. and in NO way is my life depressing...just hectic. Our revelation was pretty much one of the greatest nights of my fc history, dp one went soo well, i adore my camp, and im soo excited about our future and my future in this organization. I mean i seriously tried to just look at each individual person in our camp today just for a second and instantly all the things that i loved about that person started flying through my head, every single one of them is so different and its one of the coolest things ever to just instantly see the potential in them. And then there was a time where i just listened to kenny talk for a second and just trust him and trust our partnership.
Its just awesome to always be looking forward and hoping for the best and somehow always trusting that it will turn out that way.