Confusion surrounds me...
I don't understand.
I just don't understand.
What happened to my marriage?
I respond to Lucas saying that he doesn't want me. That Im not the right girl for him. I guess I just don't know how to be the girl he wants.
He then says that I keep saying things that he never said. So, what is it? Why did he leave. If it isn't because Im not the girl for him? then why?
Just because he thinks I am better off without him? He says that his biggest reluctance now is that he doesn't know if it is him I miss or the security he provided and how close I was to the lifestyle I wanted with him.
I do miss that. I wanted to have a family with him. I wanted to have kids with him.
I wanted to finish our lives together. I wanted him.
I miss Lucas. I miss my best friend. I miss my lover.
I don't want to meet someone else.
I don't want to be alone.
I don't know what he wanted me to be.
Where did we go wrong?
He was so strong willed. I just passively went along with whatever he wanted.
I would have done anything for him.
I did whatever he wanted.
How is my life going to be better now that he is gone?
How will it improve?
All I see now is emptiness.
I have a hole in my heart
I am damaged.
I don't know how to feel. I don't know how to be. Im lost and confused.
I know it is one day at a time. That doesn't help. That doesn't make the pain go away.
I cry everyday now.
Why did he leave me?
What did I do?
I know I disappeared in the days before he left.
I am so lost.
What do I want?
What is my life going to be? Who am I?
It confuses me when he he doesn't agree with the statements I make. It is like his rationalization is that he is setting me free. Like he feels like he has cooped me up and is now letting me be free. He says that he isn't my dream guy. How come he can make statements like that and I can't? He doesn't feel like he is my dream guy and I feel like I am not his dream girl. We are crossed.
I have never really understood him.
How he thinks doesn't make sense to me.
But I never thought I had to understand.
No relationship is perfect. And we had our imperfections.
I would have stayed with him forever.
Does he forget that he is the one who left me?
He is the one that had more fun without me.
He is the one that when we got back had everyone else to see but me
I was left behind.
My leaving was in response to his leaving.
Does he want me to pursue him?
Am I supposed to go after him?
DO I want to go after him? I've failed.
Maybe it was me. It was me that made the decision. I was the one that ended it...
Where is my life going?
How will I know in the future that someone really wants me? Luke still says he wanted me. He loved me so much. He was excited about us. and then he left me emotionally a year ago and then of course just recently. How am I going to know someone really cares and will stay with me no matter what? How will I know I will stay with them?
I know anyone who actually read this has nothing really to say except an encouraging word. I am just left with all these questions. I don't have the answers and I don't think that I will find the answers immediately.
I just don't understand.
What happened to my marriage?
I respond to Lucas saying that he doesn't want me. That Im not the right girl for him. I guess I just don't know how to be the girl he wants.
He then says that I keep saying things that he never said. So, what is it? Why did he leave. If it isn't because Im not the girl for him? then why?
Just because he thinks I am better off without him? He says that his biggest reluctance now is that he doesn't know if it is him I miss or the security he provided and how close I was to the lifestyle I wanted with him.
I do miss that. I wanted to have a family with him. I wanted to have kids with him.
I wanted to finish our lives together. I wanted him.
I miss Lucas. I miss my best friend. I miss my lover.
I don't want to meet someone else.
I don't want to be alone.
I don't know what he wanted me to be.
Where did we go wrong?
He was so strong willed. I just passively went along with whatever he wanted.
I would have done anything for him.
I did whatever he wanted.
How is my life going to be better now that he is gone?
How will it improve?
All I see now is emptiness.
I have a hole in my heart
I am damaged.
I don't know how to feel. I don't know how to be. Im lost and confused.
I know it is one day at a time. That doesn't help. That doesn't make the pain go away.
I cry everyday now.
Why did he leave me?
What did I do?
I know I disappeared in the days before he left.
I am so lost.
What do I want?
What is my life going to be? Who am I?
It confuses me when he he doesn't agree with the statements I make. It is like his rationalization is that he is setting me free. Like he feels like he has cooped me up and is now letting me be free. He says that he isn't my dream guy. How come he can make statements like that and I can't? He doesn't feel like he is my dream guy and I feel like I am not his dream girl. We are crossed.
I have never really understood him.
How he thinks doesn't make sense to me.
But I never thought I had to understand.
No relationship is perfect. And we had our imperfections.
I would have stayed with him forever.
Does he forget that he is the one who left me?
He is the one that had more fun without me.
He is the one that when we got back had everyone else to see but me
I was left behind.
My leaving was in response to his leaving.
Does he want me to pursue him?
Am I supposed to go after him?
DO I want to go after him? I've failed.
Maybe it was me. It was me that made the decision. I was the one that ended it...
Where is my life going?
How will I know in the future that someone really wants me? Luke still says he wanted me. He loved me so much. He was excited about us. and then he left me emotionally a year ago and then of course just recently. How am I going to know someone really cares and will stay with me no matter what? How will I know I will stay with them?
I know anyone who actually read this has nothing really to say except an encouraging word. I am just left with all these questions. I don't have the answers and I don't think that I will find the answers immediately.