Speak Up... Even If Your Voice Shakes
Speak Up ... Even If Your Voice Shakes
I wonder when I became practiced at biting my bitter tongue; Wonder when I decided my voice was no longer my friend. Had I let the truth slip between these lips one time too many until backlash blindsighted and threw me off-balance? Had I let their feelings guilt me into no longer saying what I wanted? Had I let their defences strip me of the confidence to create my offense? I post these deductions as questions because I honestly do not know. But I do know that there was a time when I spoke my mind without fear of retrubution and without regret.
For someone who values honesty, I lie by keeping silent. Everytime I do not stand up and assert my opinions, I am being dishonest to myself and to my convictions. .. and letting others think me to be something I most certainly am not: meek or passive. And I can not count the number of times I have caged myself by holding my tongue... when I could have squared my shoulders and spoke up, even if my voice shook, even if it made me uncomfortable, even if I was terrified, even if it meant I lost friends ... because I would still have my self-respect. I would still have the pride of knowing that I was so frightened and still managed to make myself heard. The point of this not being to make others change their minds, but for them to know what was going on in mine.
The name of this is "speak up... even if your voice shakes" ... which is a phrase I read a woman said when referring to women standing up for their rights. Which of course got me thinking about the women who came before me, the women who used their voice to pave the road that would allow me to use mine without fear. These women who paid prices that I will never have to pay for something I take for granted each and every day. So maybe my punishment for failing to "speak up" is this sick sense of regret I feel for not treasuring it. For not remembering every second that there was a time when I would not have been ALLOWED to say what was on my mind. For taking for granted a freedom I would not have been entitled to 1000 or even 100 years ago. For not realizing the blessing of a strong mind combined with the gift of voice... these two things I use seperate frequantly but rarely together. These two things that work best when combined... like a heart to love with and arms to embrace. True you can love without holding someone, but it is always better if you can do both. So maybe I need to go dig out my pre-feminist sewing kit, grab my old needle and thread and stitch my thoughts to my voice so I could never use one without the other. No thoughts without voice and no voice without thoughts.
Speak up.