Happy Days Are Here Again
You know, the more I've worked on "me", the human element, and the more we've worked on "us", as a couple, the happier I've become. It's easy to be miserable. It's easy to give up and fail. But man, the "work" is more than worth it! I'm not / we're not perfect, but I feel closer than ever to the woman I love, I feel more involved and happier as a parent, and I feel incredibly hopeful about the joy each new day brings.
I've been guilty, much like Adriana, of only posting vitriolic outbursts here in the past several months, and most of those have been directed at work. Even my private posts have been all about what's making me unhappy, or what made me angry that day. That's a very destructive focus. There's an awful lot of "Good", and a tremendous amount of "Great" in my life, and in stark contrast to my past, I'm actually quite happy most of the time. I can tell you how much time I've spent with Wolfie and Adriana the previous day by how much my face muscles hurt from smiling so much. Time to turn in my Goth card? Nah - I'll just tuck it away with some of my favorite music.
That first paragraph is from my Facebook page, in response to a couple of responses below this gem of wisdom and encouragement:
"Easy is for suckers, losers, and floaters.
Life, a Really Good Life, takes work, and lots of it.
Now quit yer bitchin'!"
Some of our friends are posting about this article from NY Magazine, All Joy and No Fun - Why parents hate parenting.
Well, parenting is work, of a sort. And so is marriage. But then, really, so is life.
Kids don't make you happy (if you're miserable). Kids won't fix a flawed marriage, or partnership, or relationship.
You are responsible for yourself, for your feelings, for your own level of happiness, for your contributions to this world. And if you're a miserable sod to begin with, you're going to continue to be miserable through your marriage, or through your children's lives. And worse, you're going to bleed your misery all over your partner, and worse still, all over your children. Fix it! That's what therapists are for.
Since I didn't get my wish for socialized medicine in the last holdout of the modern world, I realize some people don't have insurance to cover a therapist. That's one of the greatest travesties of American politics, but I'll save that rant for later. There are hundreds of books available on the subjects of self-help, understanding children (and step-children), relationship building and strengthening marriages. And there is this great shining example of *gasp* Socialism called a Library where you can get those books on loan, for free! They're great! You should go to one sometime. Ask a librarian for help. Did you know they hold Master's Degrees? Sexy.
Adriana and I are reading this sometimes cheesy, sometimes awesome, but overall relevant book,Why Did I MARRY YOU Anyway? Overcoming the Myths That Hinder a Happy Marriage and so far we've had at least two relevatory, hand-slapping-forehead moments from each chapter. It's good! We read to each other when we're reading the same book. That's awesome. It's one of my favorite things about "us".
Anyway, I don't have the answers, but I'm willing to ask the questions. And that's an important first step I think many people are reluctant to take. Self-reflection isn't easy and sometimes the images we get back from ourselves aren't pretty. You just have to ask yourself if that's the reflection you really want.
I'll steal from (the local) Byron and wish you ALL a double rainbow day!