I'll take "A Punch in the Mouth" for $1000
Feeling the Tuesday afternoon munchies so I hit the Hoopti-Mart, only this time I didn't grab the requisite bag of Fritos - oh no. I opted for semi-healthy snack instead. Picked up a bag of Nutty Guys Starving Students Mix, 'cuz it's cheap, and it looks like it contains bits and pieces of what once was fruit.
Well, about a month ago I had another movement of the dental abuse symphony performed, this one in 6/8 time and in the key of Pain Major. The damn conductor forgot to read the score completely and left the gas out of the mix, and I forgot to pack my valium bow which left me plucking at the armrests like fat, unresponsive bass strings. "The cavity's not in my jawbone, A**hole!!!", I screamed silently in my head while watching an episode of Ice Road Truckers where the trucks were being literally vibrated apart by a hastily build "road" through the Alaskan wilderness. *DRILLLLLLLL!!!!!!* Bad choice of visual accompaniment.
My teeth still hurt, and it hurts to eat anything with any sense of solidity. Usually cruchy things are fine - hence the Fritos love. But these damn chewy fruit chunks are simply inedible! I used to really like chewy fruit chunks.
I'm convinced my dentist is honing his skills for a lead in Saw XXXVII.
When does it stop hurting?
Be sure to brush and floss (even when you're stone-dead drunk), don't pass out with cocaine in your mouth (is that possible?), eat your fruits and veggies (just not the dried-up baggy kind), and be sure to punch a dentist in the face - just for good measure.