Thoughts

[jesseart]

I'm afraid to fall in love again. This summer, I have rediscovered someone in my life, an old friend from high school. She is one of the most beautiful people I have ever seen, incredible eyes, long wavey brown hair, so natural, so organic. She is a REAL person, not a social construct Barbie doll. She is also a philosopher of sorts, questioning the vast world. That's probably my biggest turn-on: a woman who can dabble in the abstract. I love just snuggling and talking, my "horizontal conversations" Though so far, I haven't gotten close enough for such an event to occur. I'm afraid. My last relationship ended very harshly. My Ex and I are still great friends, and ultimately, I feel like I gained an incredible wealth of knowledge and experience with her. But, I'm still apprehensive. Two main factors exist: (1) I'm just afraid of being hurt again. This is not overbearing to the point where I don't pursue the person. Andrea (the girl) and I have been spending more and more time together. But I'm afraid of sharing intimacy, so eye contact is pretty brief. And I tend to spread out the time we spend together. (2) It's the summer, and in August I go back to Earlham. This doesn't necessarily pose a huge problem; I've done the distance thing and am fine with it. In fact, it might actually make it easier for me to focus on my studies not having to worry about an Earlham relationship (She goes to school in Columbus, OH). The distance is not too far either; Columbus is only like an hour and a half from Earlham. But, I really enjoy snuggling and falling asleep next to someone. A phone is nothing like the real thing.

Anyway, I'll keep thinking. I really just want to talk to her about it, see what she thinks. She may not even be attracted to me. Who knows? And that would be fine, we're already good friends.

Oh well, I'll figure it out. For now, I am off to bed. I am SOOOO tired. Good night!!!