Happy New Year!
It doesn't appear that I have any of my previous LJ friends actively using their accounts anymore. I rather enjoyed the social aspect of having a blog where I would get feedback about whatever I was writing about. I do want to get back into writing more, I have missed it.
I have been having crazy dreams lately. The one that sticks out in my head was about me and the Chef. I honestly haven't thought much about him, but I have been wondering if I'm ready to go back to volunteering, which is probably why he entered my subconscious. I can't remember the specific circumstances of the dream, other than he and I had to share a bed to sleep in. I was rather...disgusted by the whole thing. He could tell that I was all pissy about the whole thing and he pretty much went off, telling me how he felt about me. He said that he has loved me since he first met me, but he just couldn't follow through with his feelings. I felt somewhat obligated to give him yet another chance, so I just put my feelings aside and resigned to the fact that we had to share the same bed for the evening.
I went to say good night, and then he went to kiss me on the forehead. For some reason that very act made me blow up and say, "You say you love me, but you can't even kiss me on the mouth?!" He then very awkwardly kissed me on the lips, and we both went to sleep. For some reason, he was totally naked, but I had a nightgown on.
The next day, I'm not sure if we were there together, but we happened to be at a film festival. I was trying to ditch him, but every time I thought I was finally alone, there he was. I ran into Michelle and I had to dish about the whole thing. The only way I was able to actually be alone without him trying to follow me was to tell him that Michelle and I were going to use the washroom. Michelle and I sneaked into a room that was getting ready for another film and I started telling her the crazy events of the evening before. Then I woke up.
Having all of last week off, I've finally had the opportunity to truly relax and take time for me. I played a ton of PvZ, which I haven't touched for a long time. I got together with friends who I haven't seen regularly. I got to spend time with family who I don't see or talk to regularly. I've thought about the things I need to do to keep my sanity and make me happy.
I really miss volunteering. Work has been super crazy and I just really haven't made the time for a lot of things that I would do for myself. This year, I would like to reclaim my life. So I have been thinking about if/when I'm ready to go back to volunteering. I don't think I can go once a week, but I would like to commit to doing it twice a month.
The other factor of this is the Chef. I know I can't avoid him because his work schedule will fluctuate. The question I have for myself is can I handle it? I am repelled by him because of all the factors surrounding the relationship, and quite frankly, I resent the other kitchen staff for pushing me to make the connection when I should've stuck with my guns. I am a firm believer that if someone wants to be with you, they will make the effort. And he did make the effort to spend time with me, if I needed his help doing something. But if it was just for fun, he didn't take the initiative and I hate being the one "in charge." I don't think any one person in a relationship should be in charge, I believe in sharing that responsibility.
Anyway, a part of me wonders what it is about this situation that I can't get over. I know the ending of our relationship was harder on him, but I seem to still have lingering feelings of resentment. I'll have to look later if there's any significant meaning behind the dream...
I have been having crazy dreams lately. The one that sticks out in my head was about me and the Chef. I honestly haven't thought much about him, but I have been wondering if I'm ready to go back to volunteering, which is probably why he entered my subconscious. I can't remember the specific circumstances of the dream, other than he and I had to share a bed to sleep in. I was rather...disgusted by the whole thing. He could tell that I was all pissy about the whole thing and he pretty much went off, telling me how he felt about me. He said that he has loved me since he first met me, but he just couldn't follow through with his feelings. I felt somewhat obligated to give him yet another chance, so I just put my feelings aside and resigned to the fact that we had to share the same bed for the evening.
I went to say good night, and then he went to kiss me on the forehead. For some reason that very act made me blow up and say, "You say you love me, but you can't even kiss me on the mouth?!" He then very awkwardly kissed me on the lips, and we both went to sleep. For some reason, he was totally naked, but I had a nightgown on.
The next day, I'm not sure if we were there together, but we happened to be at a film festival. I was trying to ditch him, but every time I thought I was finally alone, there he was. I ran into Michelle and I had to dish about the whole thing. The only way I was able to actually be alone without him trying to follow me was to tell him that Michelle and I were going to use the washroom. Michelle and I sneaked into a room that was getting ready for another film and I started telling her the crazy events of the evening before. Then I woke up.
Having all of last week off, I've finally had the opportunity to truly relax and take time for me. I played a ton of PvZ, which I haven't touched for a long time. I got together with friends who I haven't seen regularly. I got to spend time with family who I don't see or talk to regularly. I've thought about the things I need to do to keep my sanity and make me happy.
I really miss volunteering. Work has been super crazy and I just really haven't made the time for a lot of things that I would do for myself. This year, I would like to reclaim my life. So I have been thinking about if/when I'm ready to go back to volunteering. I don't think I can go once a week, but I would like to commit to doing it twice a month.
The other factor of this is the Chef. I know I can't avoid him because his work schedule will fluctuate. The question I have for myself is can I handle it? I am repelled by him because of all the factors surrounding the relationship, and quite frankly, I resent the other kitchen staff for pushing me to make the connection when I should've stuck with my guns. I am a firm believer that if someone wants to be with you, they will make the effort. And he did make the effort to spend time with me, if I needed his help doing something. But if it was just for fun, he didn't take the initiative and I hate being the one "in charge." I don't think any one person in a relationship should be in charge, I believe in sharing that responsibility.
Anyway, a part of me wonders what it is about this situation that I can't get over. I know the ending of our relationship was harder on him, but I seem to still have lingering feelings of resentment. I'll have to look later if there's any significant meaning behind the dream...