(no subject)
I had larp this weekend. It was the season opener of Wyvern Rising. I'm not on staff there anymore and it feels weird.
I had a lot of anxiety and I worried about being unwanted. I feel like such a toxic person, like maybe I shouldn't even try to be involved in things like larp anymore. I worry that I am just some sort of social leech and that, in reality, I make the entire atmosphere worse for everyone by being there. And because I firmly believe larp should be a place where people can get away from stuff, I don't want to take away from that experience. So, I just end up feeling like maybe I should just stop larping. Bleh.
Also, it was hard not feeling empty and unfulfilled the entire time I was there. I mean, not because of the people or the event, just because of life. Everything seems hollow now, even larp, and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm not dealing with it perhaps. Or maybe it's more correct to say that I have no coping mechanism for being this sad and lonely. And it's something that is just like, perpetual. Sad and lonely for the remainder of my time. Not ideal.
Aaaaaand now I am crying at my desk so I am going to stop this entry.
I had a lot of anxiety and I worried about being unwanted. I feel like such a toxic person, like maybe I shouldn't even try to be involved in things like larp anymore. I worry that I am just some sort of social leech and that, in reality, I make the entire atmosphere worse for everyone by being there. And because I firmly believe larp should be a place where people can get away from stuff, I don't want to take away from that experience. So, I just end up feeling like maybe I should just stop larping. Bleh.
Also, it was hard not feeling empty and unfulfilled the entire time I was there. I mean, not because of the people or the event, just because of life. Everything seems hollow now, even larp, and I don't know how to deal with it. I'm not dealing with it perhaps. Or maybe it's more correct to say that I have no coping mechanism for being this sad and lonely. And it's something that is just like, perpetual. Sad and lonely for the remainder of my time. Not ideal.
Aaaaaand now I am crying at my desk so I am going to stop this entry.