(no subject)
I am doing a little better today. By that I mean I am not in danger of crying every 15 minutes.
I received a facebook message from a friend that Janelle was asking for my phone number because she lost her phone. The friend asked if she should give Janelle my number or not. I declined. As much as I would *like* to hear from Janelle, I think it will just be more harassment or stuff that hurts my feelings.
I also think it's weird that Janelle doesn't remember my number. There is 15 years of calling me written in those brain patterns. I remember hers. I don't think I'll ever forget it. I don't think I will ever allow myself to forget it. It's another one of those things that represents so much happiness, you know, before the fall.
But then again, I am pretty sure she really hates me, so she could have purged it from her memory somehow.
I'll be working on the house tonight. It's funny. Doing house work was something Janelle and I fought about a lot at the end. I wasn't doing enough. By house work, I mean, like renovation type stuff. Right now I am working on wood trim in my den and building a return air vent, since the aperture is a weird size and normal vents don't fit it. But anyway... we fought a lot about it. I didn't want to paint. I still don't. But the painting of the den is finally completed, so I am moving on to other home-related projects.
I think a lot of it stems from falling out of groove with most of my friendships after the relationship crashed. I don't think they were superficial friendships per sé, but just not as deep as I had originally thought.
Bleh. I am getting sad and lonely writing this stuff again, and I have work to do at work, so I am going to end this entry.
I received a facebook message from a friend that Janelle was asking for my phone number because she lost her phone. The friend asked if she should give Janelle my number or not. I declined. As much as I would *like* to hear from Janelle, I think it will just be more harassment or stuff that hurts my feelings.
I also think it's weird that Janelle doesn't remember my number. There is 15 years of calling me written in those brain patterns. I remember hers. I don't think I'll ever forget it. I don't think I will ever allow myself to forget it. It's another one of those things that represents so much happiness, you know, before the fall.
But then again, I am pretty sure she really hates me, so she could have purged it from her memory somehow.
I'll be working on the house tonight. It's funny. Doing house work was something Janelle and I fought about a lot at the end. I wasn't doing enough. By house work, I mean, like renovation type stuff. Right now I am working on wood trim in my den and building a return air vent, since the aperture is a weird size and normal vents don't fit it. But anyway... we fought a lot about it. I didn't want to paint. I still don't. But the painting of the den is finally completed, so I am moving on to other home-related projects.
I think a lot of it stems from falling out of groove with most of my friendships after the relationship crashed. I don't think they were superficial friendships per sé, but just not as deep as I had originally thought.
Bleh. I am getting sad and lonely writing this stuff again, and I have work to do at work, so I am going to end this entry.