Here's one for the ladies
Early september, I started school thinking I was better then everyone.
I was full of myself, and yet desperate for attention.
5 months later, I'm here, and quite the opposite.
Although, not depressed, I am certinly not kissing the mirror,
frolicking around taking pictures of myself.
I no longer like attention.
Even if it is a 'good' kind of attention.
I expected too much from others, and myself.
I thought since i had changed so much,
my whole life would be different
But society hasn't been able to keep up.
It seems like all of that was a false emotion.
I made new friends,
met new people,
traveled,
learned,
and change the way I look.
I felt like a new person.
But it all happened at once
and way too fast to actually enjoy it.
Now I'm here waiting for the next
ferenczy of emotions to come.
The next heart break,
the next love,
the next new friend,
the next physical change,
the next me.
I guess that's what being a teenager is supposed to be like,
I just wish I could have enough time to take it all in,
without having new emotions shoved down my throat.
And no; I haven't had anything horrible happen to me.
But I have had amazing things happen to me.
Things that have provoked my most flambouyant emotions.
I've gone through times where I loved anyone.
To the point where I hugged random people,
literally people I had never been aquainted with.
But almost always shortly after the high, there comes a low.
And the low after the high is always twice as destructive.
Case and point.
I think I'm the picture of perfection,
then realize I'm not,
and hate myself for it.
It's not that I don't know I'm not perfect,
it's just because I have a surreal image
in my head, and want to make it become a reality.
Case and point 2.
I think I have a stable realtionship.
Then I'm told feelings changed,
and I freak out.
It's not like I didn't see it coming, nor is it like I was falling madly in love,
it's because of the surreal imiages I portray to myself.
I'm not writing to influence people, I'm writing for self-clarification:
It's okay to be content.
And not overwhelmed with joy.
It's better to take things slow,
and enjoy things by the day, rather then minute.
I am not an intellectual spaz,
like I'm sure a lot of [guys?] think I am.
I just don't hide anything.
It's not like I watch every move I make because I don't
want to go against what I write,
I am not a crazy stick to the morals freak.
And I am clearly no angel.
Writing just makes my life easier for me.
I'm not pretending to be something I'm not.
Everything I write is almost always pure opinion.
So don't take things I write to literally, or personally.
If you want good advice go pick up a book from the library.
=].
Garin came over today.
We cuddled, then fell asleep.
He's my [best friend?].
skldgjasf.
And if we don't end up marrying each other,
he is going to be my relief.
I finally got my ear to be able to fit 2g in.
John got me pretty red and black plugs for my Birthday.
Which I have in right now.
It hurt to put them in, but whatever.
Michigan was amazing by the way.
I got lots of new clothes.
To add to my whore attire.
Mmmh.
How lovley Florida is sounding right now.
Here's to you're fake face, mind, body, and thoughts<3