If you try running a maze of your lies, It's too hard to save you've thrown out everyone...
What did you learn tonight?
you're shouting so loud you barely enjoy this broken thing
you're a voice that never sings, is what I say
You were freezing over hell
You were bringing on the end, you do so well
You can only blame yourself, it's what I say
Well, long time no update.
Just really felt like writing for the first time in a while.
You ever feel like you wish you could go back a year to fix things?
and then you realize that everything happened the way that it did because it was supposed to?
I realize i don't want to go back.
Because, i would miss out on so many amazing experiences.
I no longer focus on what i did lose, but look at the experiences that i have gained instead.
I guess thats what looking at things from a half-full perspective means.
Now that i've had this realization, it came along with some other really deep sould searching and decisions.
random thought: i'm thinking about dreading my hair. haha.
back to the real stuff: i will no longer allow anyone to take advantage of me.
i like being nice.
i like giving people things.
its truly my language of love, as corny as that sounds, thats how i show people how i feel about them.
but i will no longer enable anyone no matter who it is, to be irresponsible, or inconsiderate with my feelings.
this is not a journal to antagonize or anger anyone.
it is simply how i feel, and not directed at anyone, just basically how i feel overall.
i will not be lied to.
i will not be made to feel bad about anything either.
i have ME to worry about.
i do too much for everyone else and not nearly enough for myself.
i'm sorry if thats going to make people think i'm being stingy with what i have,
but really, fuck you if you ever think that about me.
because that obviously means you don't know me at all.
or you never did.
the line between who is my friend and who is just using me has become extremely blurred.
to be completely honest, there are only two to three people in this world who i trust completely friendwise.
kinda sad because i have so many...
on another note.
i see you babe, and i see the things your putting up with and letting certain people treat you so incredibly shitty.
and it drives me insane.
and i feel helpless.
and i know that i'm there for you as a friend.
but when you say certain things, like how you wish you could be with me.
i'm not sure you realize what that does to me.
because your perfect for me.
i mean honestly, who WOULDN'T want you?
the flirting and words may mean nothing to you.
but its confusing as all shit for me.
so enough already.
either be with me or not.
i'll be fine either way.
but if you say i can always cheer you up, always say the right thing.
shit, why not give it a shot and see what its like to have that all the time.
i'm not trying to be a cocky bitch.
but i promise you, i will treat you better and make you happier then he ever will.
trust me on that.
i feel like i'm looking up.
i was feeling depressed and then i realized i'm fine.
that i was letting myself become depressed.
instead of staying at home sleeping.
i went out.
i hung out.
i went running,
i read.
i've become that person that takes charge and gets things done.
i hope it starts to translate to the rest of my life as well.
remember i love you all, every single one of you and that never changes.
but i can't save any of you.
its up to you now.
so please, for me...if you ever do any one thing for me.
save yourself friends.
i believe in every one of you.
We swing and we sway
As this tiny voice in
My head starts to sing
You're safe, child, you are safe.
(tbs)
you're shouting so loud you barely enjoy this broken thing
you're a voice that never sings, is what I say
You were freezing over hell
You were bringing on the end, you do so well
You can only blame yourself, it's what I say
Well, long time no update.
Just really felt like writing for the first time in a while.
You ever feel like you wish you could go back a year to fix things?
and then you realize that everything happened the way that it did because it was supposed to?
I realize i don't want to go back.
Because, i would miss out on so many amazing experiences.
I no longer focus on what i did lose, but look at the experiences that i have gained instead.
I guess thats what looking at things from a half-full perspective means.
Now that i've had this realization, it came along with some other really deep sould searching and decisions.
random thought: i'm thinking about dreading my hair. haha.
back to the real stuff: i will no longer allow anyone to take advantage of me.
i like being nice.
i like giving people things.
its truly my language of love, as corny as that sounds, thats how i show people how i feel about them.
but i will no longer enable anyone no matter who it is, to be irresponsible, or inconsiderate with my feelings.
this is not a journal to antagonize or anger anyone.
it is simply how i feel, and not directed at anyone, just basically how i feel overall.
i will not be lied to.
i will not be made to feel bad about anything either.
i have ME to worry about.
i do too much for everyone else and not nearly enough for myself.
i'm sorry if thats going to make people think i'm being stingy with what i have,
but really, fuck you if you ever think that about me.
because that obviously means you don't know me at all.
or you never did.
the line between who is my friend and who is just using me has become extremely blurred.
to be completely honest, there are only two to three people in this world who i trust completely friendwise.
kinda sad because i have so many...
on another note.
i see you babe, and i see the things your putting up with and letting certain people treat you so incredibly shitty.
and it drives me insane.
and i feel helpless.
and i know that i'm there for you as a friend.
but when you say certain things, like how you wish you could be with me.
i'm not sure you realize what that does to me.
because your perfect for me.
i mean honestly, who WOULDN'T want you?
the flirting and words may mean nothing to you.
but its confusing as all shit for me.
so enough already.
either be with me or not.
i'll be fine either way.
but if you say i can always cheer you up, always say the right thing.
shit, why not give it a shot and see what its like to have that all the time.
i'm not trying to be a cocky bitch.
but i promise you, i will treat you better and make you happier then he ever will.
trust me on that.
i feel like i'm looking up.
i was feeling depressed and then i realized i'm fine.
that i was letting myself become depressed.
instead of staying at home sleeping.
i went out.
i hung out.
i went running,
i read.
i've become that person that takes charge and gets things done.
i hope it starts to translate to the rest of my life as well.
remember i love you all, every single one of you and that never changes.
but i can't save any of you.
its up to you now.
so please, for me...if you ever do any one thing for me.
save yourself friends.
i believe in every one of you.
We swing and we sway
As this tiny voice in
My head starts to sing
You're safe, child, you are safe.
(tbs)