This upsets me to an extent.
RANT: My mom is talking to my old neighbor about me right now. She's telling her how I stayed home all summer because the few girl "friends" I have all have boyfriends and don't want me to come along. She's saying that I'm so much more different than girls today because I don't wear make-up, a pocketbook, or dress fancy. That my sister was much different than me when she was younger too. All of the aforementioned, she did and she was/is beautiful. It may seem like my mom is just saying that in neither a positive nor negative way, but the tone of her voice says it all. It's like she's disappointed in me or something. Like she wants me to be the typical girl. Why can't anyone accept me as I am? Being a fucking sheep is the last thing I want to do but in order for anyone to notice me, I may have to give in sooner or later as much as it disgusts me. I want to be 'pretty' so-to-speak, but in my own little way. I hate this position of uncertainty. I hate when people talk about me behind my back but everyone does. I'm sorry that I don't look like you and have all this money and need to paint my fucking face or to change my appearance into something I'm not. How does no one see the beauty in anything natural anymore?
Someone once said to me, jokingly, "You don't carry a purse?! Are you a boy?!" And that got me thinking even more. Part of me thought that maybe I should start doing these things and buying stuff like that, but a larger part thought that maybe I'll find some people who don't have that set mind frame - people who think "buying into the image" isn't necessary to be accepted or "beautiful".
I think that I am at a fork in the road with considerable knowledge of each direction(albeit concerned for my own sanity), and I'm not sure if I'd like to be stuck here forever.
Someone once said to me, jokingly, "You don't carry a purse?! Are you a boy?!" And that got me thinking even more. Part of me thought that maybe I should start doing these things and buying stuff like that, but a larger part thought that maybe I'll find some people who don't have that set mind frame - people who think "buying into the image" isn't necessary to be accepted or "beautiful".
I think that I am at a fork in the road with considerable knowledge of each direction(albeit concerned for my own sanity), and I'm not sure if I'd like to be stuck here forever.