Why is it so hard to let go?
A month and a half ago I finally graduated. A few days after that I decided to pack up as much as I could into my car and drive 600 miles east to the place that I call home. I applied for a job. I was interviewed twice. I was offered the position. I start on August 3rd. But I came back to Cincy on Saturday and since then I have packed up the past 5 years of my life into about 20 boxes. I also had to say goodbye to a person to whom I will always be grateful that he came into my life. He was finally the guy that came along who was able to prove to me that they weren't all the same. We've been dating since November, but not exclusively, because we both agreed that's what we both wanted. When I met him a year ago he was in a relationship that he wasn't happy in. Nothing in the world would have made me happier than to be with him but my feelings for him were so strong that all I could do was curb my emotions and support him as much as a could as a good friend with whom I had a strong sexual connection with... because I viewed admitting my true feelings as a risk that I didn't want to take... I didn't want to take the risk of ever making him feel uncomfortable or awkward for a second. I had to say goodbye to him without disclosing this information because even if I did tell him, there's no point, I live 600 miles away anyway.
The thing is though, everything happens for a reason right? I mean since I was able to find one amazing guy that means that there has to be another one somewhere out there with whom I'm destined to cross paths with... or will I have to go through a handful more of the Steves and Whipps of the world? Or will he find his way back into my life during a time where we both are not longer afraid to reexpereience what our exes put us through? A time where we both want to become something bigger in each other's lives and have such a unique and beautiful connection that very few people are even able to find in life?
I can't come up with a word to define how much of an incredibly positive effect he's had on my life. When I met him a year ago, blood was pumping through my veins....but I was dead inside. He was able to bring me back to life. Even if there is nothing more to become, I will always remember and cherish the amazing times that we did have.... every smile, every hug, every kiss.... and even if I never have the chance to be able to show to him how much I really care about him, I'm never going to stop.
“You do your thing, I'll do mine.
You go your way, I'll go mine.
And if we end up together, it's beautiful.”
The thing is though, everything happens for a reason right? I mean since I was able to find one amazing guy that means that there has to be another one somewhere out there with whom I'm destined to cross paths with... or will I have to go through a handful more of the Steves and Whipps of the world? Or will he find his way back into my life during a time where we both are not longer afraid to reexpereience what our exes put us through? A time where we both want to become something bigger in each other's lives and have such a unique and beautiful connection that very few people are even able to find in life?
I can't come up with a word to define how much of an incredibly positive effect he's had on my life. When I met him a year ago, blood was pumping through my veins....but I was dead inside. He was able to bring me back to life. Even if there is nothing more to become, I will always remember and cherish the amazing times that we did have.... every smile, every hug, every kiss.... and even if I never have the chance to be able to show to him how much I really care about him, I'm never going to stop.
“You do your thing, I'll do mine.
You go your way, I'll go mine.
And if we end up together, it's beautiful.”