if you're wondering why i wasnt in school today, read this..:-/
if you havent read the previous entry read that first or this one wont make sense...
well last night as some of you know i was online at like 9 o'clock.. anyway i went away cuz my parents wanted to check my math H/W cuz i did alot of problems wrong. so i went in thier room and like always we started fighting. i dont know why i always got to fight and curse and yell and scream but then again i coudl ask my mom the same question. anyway stuff happened, and i was so over the edge that i had to do somethign drastic. i signed off from the interent ran into my moms bathroom and took back the antidepressents...big mistake. i went into my bathroom locked the door and just stood there. i was holding the pill thinking about what i woudl do remebering what my mom sed about me not taking them. so of course being the intelligent person i am i just swallowed it. i had one of those moments when you smile with tears in your eyes. so then without saying anything i went to bed. i felt miserable but i was hoping the medicine would kick in and i woudl be happy the next day...then at like 3 oclock in the morning i woke up. i was sweating really hard my hands were shaking and i was breatheing really deep, i coudl feel in my stomach so much pain and the first thing that popped in my head was. "why did i do it?" i knew i coudlnt get back to sleep cuz i could hardly breathe so i just sat up and tried to walk to the bathroom to get some water. the second i got up i started feeling really dizzy and i coudl barely stand. i started to wlak out of my room and i think the sound of me runnign into the walls woke my dad up because i remember seeing him walk out of his room. then suddenly i collasped. i took one look up at the ceiling and blacked out.
when i woke up i was on the floor in my parents room and they both were awake. my whole body was shaking and i coudl barely move my arms. my dad kept asking if i was sleep walking or if something happened to me. i coudl hardly talk and my words were all slurred but i sed "i took the antidepressents" i tried to open my eyes and i looked up at my mom and i coudl see the disapointed look on her face. my dad then went into my bathroom and found the pills and took them into the room. i dont really remember much that was sed but i do remember my dad asking me if i needed help getting back into my bed and i told him i couldnt lift my head up. so i decided to make laying on the floor work for me. for about an hour we all just talked about this and about our fight last night and i just repeatedly sed i was sorry and for once i really meant it :-/ i think probably every side effect that you could of gotten form the pills i had cuz i felt like i was just going to shut down. my dad threw me a blanket and i just fell asleep. i woke up at around 6:30 still feeling weak and still not being able to get up. i honestly dont know how im gona start feeling any better. right now its about 11 and im sure everyones in school doing some frickin Do Now or something and 12 hours since i took the pill i still feel like shit. every once ina while il put my hand out and i can see it shaking, and i feel restless walking around and my head feels so heavy. im not sure how to feel right now or what to think , cuz i think i just hit a all time low. but then again, once youve hit rock bottom, theres now where to go but up. right?
well last night as some of you know i was online at like 9 o'clock.. anyway i went away cuz my parents wanted to check my math H/W cuz i did alot of problems wrong. so i went in thier room and like always we started fighting. i dont know why i always got to fight and curse and yell and scream but then again i coudl ask my mom the same question. anyway stuff happened, and i was so over the edge that i had to do somethign drastic. i signed off from the interent ran into my moms bathroom and took back the antidepressents...big mistake. i went into my bathroom locked the door and just stood there. i was holding the pill thinking about what i woudl do remebering what my mom sed about me not taking them. so of course being the intelligent person i am i just swallowed it. i had one of those moments when you smile with tears in your eyes. so then without saying anything i went to bed. i felt miserable but i was hoping the medicine would kick in and i woudl be happy the next day...then at like 3 oclock in the morning i woke up. i was sweating really hard my hands were shaking and i was breatheing really deep, i coudl feel in my stomach so much pain and the first thing that popped in my head was. "why did i do it?" i knew i coudlnt get back to sleep cuz i could hardly breathe so i just sat up and tried to walk to the bathroom to get some water. the second i got up i started feeling really dizzy and i coudl barely stand. i started to wlak out of my room and i think the sound of me runnign into the walls woke my dad up because i remember seeing him walk out of his room. then suddenly i collasped. i took one look up at the ceiling and blacked out.
when i woke up i was on the floor in my parents room and they both were awake. my whole body was shaking and i coudl barely move my arms. my dad kept asking if i was sleep walking or if something happened to me. i coudl hardly talk and my words were all slurred but i sed "i took the antidepressents" i tried to open my eyes and i looked up at my mom and i coudl see the disapointed look on her face. my dad then went into my bathroom and found the pills and took them into the room. i dont really remember much that was sed but i do remember my dad asking me if i needed help getting back into my bed and i told him i couldnt lift my head up. so i decided to make laying on the floor work for me. for about an hour we all just talked about this and about our fight last night and i just repeatedly sed i was sorry and for once i really meant it :-/ i think probably every side effect that you could of gotten form the pills i had cuz i felt like i was just going to shut down. my dad threw me a blanket and i just fell asleep. i woke up at around 6:30 still feeling weak and still not being able to get up. i honestly dont know how im gona start feeling any better. right now its about 11 and im sure everyones in school doing some frickin Do Now or something and 12 hours since i took the pill i still feel like shit. every once ina while il put my hand out and i can see it shaking, and i feel restless walking around and my head feels so heavy. im not sure how to feel right now or what to think , cuz i think i just hit a all time low. but then again, once youve hit rock bottom, theres now where to go but up. right?