(Sometimes) You Can Find Me In The Club
Last night I ended up with Joe and Jay at The Fish Company.
Since I'm not on the prowl, these are usually interesting nights, if not productive.
We did our part holding up the bar, and there was a group of girls dancing in front of us. I was a fan of the one with big hips who was awkwardly jutting them about, in the hopes of dishing out a hip pointer and crippling some would-be escapee. Jay was into the one I nicknamed "Skeletor."
Well, as you might have gathered, these girls and their group of ragtag friends attracted quite a following. My favorite was lanky buzzcut guy. Someone took a number 2 to his entire head, then shaved the sideburns off completely.
I also saw a distinct percentage of the male population trying to bring the beater back.
I was quite excited, as I thought this shit was over when in '01. The beater, with a thick chain and unbuttoned shirt, long or short sleeve. Groomed facial hair is a must.
I'm also a fan of the Italian frat guy hair cut. This includes gelling up you medium length black hair, pulling it back like a motherfucker to make it look like your receeding hairline is a conscious decision, and then meticulously grooming the sideburn area. You should have a 2 length around the base of your head, but sideburns are rapidly faded down to a peachfuzz point. The sharper the better.
Well, I had none of these things, but still won the fancy of two lovely young suitors. They looked a little something like this, perhaps with less ample bosom.
The two of them approached me and asked why I wasn't dancing. Was I nervous? They had apparently predetermined this because they took it and ran with it. We'll start dancing, the two of us, and embarrass ourselves, so that you can dance with us and not be embarrassed (I can find no fault in their logic). Joe bails because he is that kind of guy, but Jay jumps in to help a brother out. No ladies, Jerry doesn't dance.
I decided to tell them that I don't dance because I'm not very good at it, but that I would dance to "Switch."
I then told them that I had seen Will Smith on the Today show, providing instruction on some basic dance moves for the song. Ladies, if you can get the DJ to play Switch, I'm in there.
One aked if he was promoting the DVD of Hitch, and said that she thought she saw it too.
Yeah honey, sure you did.
Here's where Jay's scumminess takes an honorable turn. He asks to bum a cigarette of off them, and they all go outside to smoke. They were dissappointed that I wouldn't dance or smoke (I am a Baptist, after all), and Jay entertained them until last call.