Just another day...
"How happy is the blameless vestal's lot.
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd." -Alexander Pope
...so yeah im totally watching Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind today, its my Valentines day movie, haha.
I’m not really all that pissed over Valentines day, most people get all depressed when they don’t have anyone. I never cared caz I never really had a valentine (except for friends which is always good) so I’m used to it. The only time it mattered was last year when I had one, and i went all out, only to not get any affection back. So yeah that one sucked. So I imagine this one cant be any worse.
Everything is a mess right now and I don’t like it.
1. Erika and I are not talking, which might be for the best. I cant say I've enjoyed our time together the past week. I felt like I was by myself when we were together, while she was off in her own world, leaving me to fend for myself. But for someone to call your house at 2am, asking for a ride from way in town, then ditching you when you get there, by taking a cab and not even telling you about it, then trying to justify it by saying it was like the time when you... is fucking ridiculous!! and very immature.
2. I cant keep chasing after someone, I need to stop. Its pathetic, and I don’t want to be pathetic...so I wont. umm...uh...yeah.. I just laugh about it, in the end that’s all you can do right?! *silly corey* well thats what I'm mo' do lol i <3 laughing
3. My mom called me yesterday and told me she needed to tell me something, and i was just like "oh god is it going to upset me, if so I cant take it right now." and she went silent...and I’m just like "*sigh* just tell me" she made me promise not to tell my grandmother. and I did. And then she told me that she’s in trouble....again....and this time might be bad. I seriously cant take thinking about her in jail again....ugh. She’s supposed to be sober, and yet she steals again. At least this is the first time in 10 years she’s done anything, but she’s supposed to be better, i don’t understand. (I hate how depressing my entries sound. its not totally my fault.)
4. I’m in the process of finding a new job, and I don’t even know what i think i would be good at. I just know i need one asap, or else all the money I’ve tried so hard to save will be gone again...
I cant take living with my grandparents, ugh its so shitty here sometimes. Every time i try talking to my grandmother she will change the subject totally, and comment on me in a bad way. and its usually about my looks (in a negative way) i seriously have no self confidence. And her pointing out my faults all the time doesn’t help me any. God 10 years of her always doing that to me. "cut your hair it looks horrible" "your sideburns make u look weird" "that shirt makes u look "sissified"" Its always something about the way i look and it hurts. I don’t know what’s she’s trying to do. I don’t do that to her. I get up this morning and the first thing she says to me is "cut your sideburns you look like a bum" good times with grammy.
I know you don’t care....but you make me smile, even after a day of disappointments.
thank you.
The world forgetting, by the world forgot.
Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind.
Each pray'r accepted, and each wish resign'd." -Alexander Pope
...so yeah im totally watching Eternal sunshine of the spotless mind today, its my Valentines day movie, haha.
I’m not really all that pissed over Valentines day, most people get all depressed when they don’t have anyone. I never cared caz I never really had a valentine (except for friends which is always good) so I’m used to it. The only time it mattered was last year when I had one, and i went all out, only to not get any affection back. So yeah that one sucked. So I imagine this one cant be any worse.
Everything is a mess right now and I don’t like it.
1. Erika and I are not talking, which might be for the best. I cant say I've enjoyed our time together the past week. I felt like I was by myself when we were together, while she was off in her own world, leaving me to fend for myself. But for someone to call your house at 2am, asking for a ride from way in town, then ditching you when you get there, by taking a cab and not even telling you about it, then trying to justify it by saying it was like the time when you... is fucking ridiculous!! and very immature.
2. I cant keep chasing after someone, I need to stop. Its pathetic, and I don’t want to be pathetic...so I wont. umm...uh...yeah.. I just laugh about it, in the end that’s all you can do right?! *silly corey* well thats what I'm mo' do lol i <3 laughing
3. My mom called me yesterday and told me she needed to tell me something, and i was just like "oh god is it going to upset me, if so I cant take it right now." and she went silent...and I’m just like "*sigh* just tell me" she made me promise not to tell my grandmother. and I did. And then she told me that she’s in trouble....again....and this time might be bad. I seriously cant take thinking about her in jail again....ugh. She’s supposed to be sober, and yet she steals again. At least this is the first time in 10 years she’s done anything, but she’s supposed to be better, i don’t understand. (I hate how depressing my entries sound. its not totally my fault.)
4. I’m in the process of finding a new job, and I don’t even know what i think i would be good at. I just know i need one asap, or else all the money I’ve tried so hard to save will be gone again...
I cant take living with my grandparents, ugh its so shitty here sometimes. Every time i try talking to my grandmother she will change the subject totally, and comment on me in a bad way. and its usually about my looks (in a negative way) i seriously have no self confidence. And her pointing out my faults all the time doesn’t help me any. God 10 years of her always doing that to me. "cut your hair it looks horrible" "your sideburns make u look weird" "that shirt makes u look "sissified"" Its always something about the way i look and it hurts. I don’t know what’s she’s trying to do. I don’t do that to her. I get up this morning and the first thing she says to me is "cut your sideburns you look like a bum" good times with grammy.
I know you don’t care....but you make me smile, even after a day of disappointments.
thank you.