essex
I was hanging out with my friend Ali today and somehow we ended going back to Essex county college. My Alma matter, well actually it’s the two year college I dropped out of. (That boy’s talented.) But it’s still an epic place. Ah, my dear Essex county or as I like to call it the champion factory. The school where I had a blind teacher and in that class everyone passed out answers to the test. The school where I stopped going to two of my classes and through no fault of my own I ended up getting a B in both of the classes.
I was wondering the halls and then my stomach was acting up and I had to drop a deuce. I go into the stall and sit down and get ready to contemplate/draw/flush my next comic for John Doe. All of a sudden a dude rushes into the stall next to mine and starts to lay down a massive shit. Then he takes out his phone, calls someone and puts it on speaker. Then has a conversation while he is straining to take a shit. That went something like this: (dude is now known as the guy taking a shit, Guy is now known as dude getting the call.)
Dude: hey whats going on?
Guy: nothing whats up?
Dude: Nothing….
Guy: where you at?
At this moment the guy is straining to take a shit and makes a series of grunts.
Guy: hey are you there?
Dude: Ughhhhhhh….. ughhhh.
Dude: yeah I’m at school.
Then I left. How the fuck are you going to put the phone on speaker and call someone while your taking a shit? I’m not talking about some dipshit phone either this was one of those Nextel’s that have the big fucking “this belongs in some shitty Honda Civic with decals” amplifier. Fucking Helen Keller could have heard this thing. Also if some guy calls you and doesn’t tell you he’s taking a shit but making those noises you can only think of two possibilities.
1. The guy is taking the shit.
2. The dude called you while he was jerking off.
No other way those noises are going to be made by anything else. When did the fucking divine inspiration hit this guy to reach out and touch some one at this time?
Brett: Yo whats up dude?
Joe: Nothing just sitting here taking a massive shit and I decided to reach out and touch some one. I got the fucking speaker cranked! It’s so fucking loud man, even people outside the bathroom can hear this fucking conversation brah. Give those fuckers a shout out.
Brett: Wazzzzzzzzzzzzzuuuuuuuuppppppp
Joe: Wazzzzzzzzuuuuuuuuup.
Brett: True. True.
That’s all for now.
Your Buddy,
B.P.
P.s. I found some girl on Myspace who was a bitch to me back in high school and all I can say about that is:
“HOLY SHIT KRISTIE ALLEY HAS A MYSPACE!!!”
I was wondering the halls and then my stomach was acting up and I had to drop a deuce. I go into the stall and sit down and get ready to contemplate/draw/flush my next comic for John Doe. All of a sudden a dude rushes into the stall next to mine and starts to lay down a massive shit. Then he takes out his phone, calls someone and puts it on speaker. Then has a conversation while he is straining to take a shit. That went something like this: (dude is now known as the guy taking a shit, Guy is now known as dude getting the call.)
Dude: hey whats going on?
Guy: nothing whats up?
Dude: Nothing….
Guy: where you at?
At this moment the guy is straining to take a shit and makes a series of grunts.
Guy: hey are you there?
Dude: Ughhhhhhh….. ughhhh.
Dude: yeah I’m at school.
Then I left. How the fuck are you going to put the phone on speaker and call someone while your taking a shit? I’m not talking about some dipshit phone either this was one of those Nextel’s that have the big fucking “this belongs in some shitty Honda Civic with decals” amplifier. Fucking Helen Keller could have heard this thing. Also if some guy calls you and doesn’t tell you he’s taking a shit but making those noises you can only think of two possibilities.
1. The guy is taking the shit.
2. The dude called you while he was jerking off.
No other way those noises are going to be made by anything else. When did the fucking divine inspiration hit this guy to reach out and touch some one at this time?
Brett: Yo whats up dude?
Joe: Nothing just sitting here taking a massive shit and I decided to reach out and touch some one. I got the fucking speaker cranked! It’s so fucking loud man, even people outside the bathroom can hear this fucking conversation brah. Give those fuckers a shout out.
Brett: Wazzzzzzzzzzzzzuuuuuuuuppppppp
Joe: Wazzzzzzzzuuuuuuuuup.
Brett: True. True.
That’s all for now.
Your Buddy,
B.P.
P.s. I found some girl on Myspace who was a bitch to me back in high school and all I can say about that is:
“HOLY SHIT KRISTIE ALLEY HAS A MYSPACE!!!”