its a fucking dilema
Let me tell you a little story. Its called Brett is drunk who fights with his roomates dog. Its an epic fucking tale One of Merryment and the word "douche bag". But where to begin I guess the begining is a good place.
My roomate well call him Quotes has this old dog named shane (looks like lassie). Anyways shane is used to a house and now he lives in a small apartment so with that he devloped these fucking complexies. One for instance is he is afarid to walk down the steps unless you hold all the doors open in the building. Or else he will put on a death struggle and make un godly noises of pain. Anyway I walked him twice with the help of Q to get him back in and its still was a pain in the ass so I vowed to never walk him again...
I have to walk him somtimes. I work during the day and Quoutes works during the night so i never see the guy. This is great By the way it lets me be able to do my naked jumping jacks by the window while listing to that techno song "were in heaven.". Hey what can I say im an old school romantic.
Anyways
This means I got shafted with walking the dog. Im from that old school of thought where when you open the door. Im not the kind of guy thats gonna stand in a open stairway in his building trying to coax a dog down the strairs "cmon on shane please come down the stairs" Fuck That shit!
I was drinking and then it hit me. Ill just skip through the formailties and pick him up. SO I pick up the lassie look alike and start struggling as he keeps hitting my face with his head and general neck area. But I make it out in my tshirt and pants.
Im pretty pissed at this point . Plus im fueled with some booze and with my temper im in no mood. Anyway shanes takes a piss and were about ready to leave and some old lady comes running out of her house.
I knew what was comming so I turn around and start walking. Lady wouldnt let me do that and the folliwng shouting match ensues
Lady: YOU KNOW I DO THE LAWNS AROUND HERE!
Brett: Oh...OH...OH I DIDNT NOTICE THE FOOT OF SNOW ON THE GROUND!
Lady: YOU GOT A SMART MOUTH WHY DONT YOU WALK HIM ACROSS THE STREET
(points to a barbed wire fence thats around an adbanded hospital across the street from me.)
Bret: Yeah thats a great fucking way to get hit by a car. Fucking brillent.
and I walked off. It was a morale victory. FUCK YOU GRANDMA FUCK YOU!
Then as we get to my building shane goes apeshit because hes afarid of the stairs breaks his leese and the metal piece whips me in the hand causing it go numb. Fucking dog makes a break for it. Anyway I had enough and tackle the fucker in some guys lawn and carry him back in. All the while he keeps hitting me with his head and general neck area.
People ask me why I drink so much...fucking a.
KUDLACK!
My roomate well call him Quotes has this old dog named shane (looks like lassie). Anyways shane is used to a house and now he lives in a small apartment so with that he devloped these fucking complexies. One for instance is he is afarid to walk down the steps unless you hold all the doors open in the building. Or else he will put on a death struggle and make un godly noises of pain. Anyway I walked him twice with the help of Q to get him back in and its still was a pain in the ass so I vowed to never walk him again...
I have to walk him somtimes. I work during the day and Quoutes works during the night so i never see the guy. This is great By the way it lets me be able to do my naked jumping jacks by the window while listing to that techno song "were in heaven.". Hey what can I say im an old school romantic.
Anyways
This means I got shafted with walking the dog. Im from that old school of thought where when you open the door. Im not the kind of guy thats gonna stand in a open stairway in his building trying to coax a dog down the strairs "cmon on shane please come down the stairs" Fuck That shit!
I was drinking and then it hit me. Ill just skip through the formailties and pick him up. SO I pick up the lassie look alike and start struggling as he keeps hitting my face with his head and general neck area. But I make it out in my tshirt and pants.
Im pretty pissed at this point . Plus im fueled with some booze and with my temper im in no mood. Anyway shanes takes a piss and were about ready to leave and some old lady comes running out of her house.
I knew what was comming so I turn around and start walking. Lady wouldnt let me do that and the folliwng shouting match ensues
Lady: YOU KNOW I DO THE LAWNS AROUND HERE!
Brett: Oh...OH...OH I DIDNT NOTICE THE FOOT OF SNOW ON THE GROUND!
Lady: YOU GOT A SMART MOUTH WHY DONT YOU WALK HIM ACROSS THE STREET
(points to a barbed wire fence thats around an adbanded hospital across the street from me.)
Bret: Yeah thats a great fucking way to get hit by a car. Fucking brillent.
and I walked off. It was a morale victory. FUCK YOU GRANDMA FUCK YOU!
Then as we get to my building shane goes apeshit because hes afarid of the stairs breaks his leese and the metal piece whips me in the hand causing it go numb. Fucking dog makes a break for it. Anyway I had enough and tackle the fucker in some guys lawn and carry him back in. All the while he keeps hitting me with his head and general neck area.
People ask me why I drink so much...fucking a.
KUDLACK!