Just rolled in!
Still unemployed OWWWWWWWWW!!! Yeah, its great but not withouts its conciquences. The other day I find a note sliped under my from my god parents that was basicly a two page list of complients. Here are some colorfull excerpts:
"The room just smells terrible. This is a major first project for you, and it has to be done, and then you have to keep at it. If the room isnt clean by tuesday night, we're going to ask you to leave in a week, and you won't get a chance to clean it after."
Now I love my godparents and I would never intentionally disrespect them but whats up with this"we're going to ask you to leave in a week, and you won't get a chance to clean it after."? If i get kicked out Im not going to come back and beg to clean up the room.
Brett: PLEASE I JUST WANT TO VACUUM!!!
God father: Go away I told you to leave and that you wouldnt have a chance to clean it after you left!
Brett: Just let me come up and dust the room.
brett:...
Brett: JUST LET ME DUST GODAMNIT!!!
Godfather: Thats it im calling the cops. YOU NEED DIRECTION BUDDY!!!
"You have so many throw away lines, I'm not sure what to believe. For example, you said you wanted a job not having to do with people. First of all, with your personality, you should be good at "people" jobs. Anyway, very few jobs are not people jobs, but anyway, if that's what you want, go find it."
My personality eh? I guess im a people person seeing how I can make 500 references to whipping out my penis in a 3 min converstation and some how work into the converstation some perverse sexual story invovling a female relative of yours... Fuck Im wonderfull.
Ah But dont be worried for me, because I know how to read between the lines and get to the meat and patatoes of the letter. Heres my take:
"blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blahblah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah Brett your a godamn Beast legend blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blahblah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah DONT EVER CHANGE
blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blahblah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah You rock!!!
blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah John Doe Never Funny!
Im just kidding I love my godparents and I cleaned my room and Im working hard to improve the situation. (Thats if there reading this. Just kidding I love you guys!!!)
So hows the job hunt?
Interviewer: Hi well tell me about yourself.
Brett: My name is brett I like fast cars and faster women. I basicly would bang anything. Shit, Id fuck a snake if some one helds its head so it wouldnt bite me.
Interviewer: Interesting anything else?
Brett: Well yeah, Ummmm I pretty dillisional, Kinda like living in a fantasy world and ummm I like drinking beers... Everyday. I believe that beer makes you stronger sir.
Interviewer: ...okay. Well it says here you worked as a knife salesman, Dishwasher, construction. What happened?
Brett: I walked out of the Knife salesman and dishwasher gigs.
Interviewer: uhh what about Baker job it says you had that for years?
Brett: Yeah, I hated that job and on the day I quit i peed in various jars in the refirdgerator
Interviewer: Hahahhah thats funny. What place was this?
Brett: Bagel wich
Interviewer: (Spits out coffee) GODAMNIT!!!! Oh god. OH GoD!!
Brett: Dont worry man that was a year ago. Any more questions?
Interviewer: Yeah at this point in the interview im going to call up your refrences on speaker phone so if they have any comments about your worker ethic you get to learn from what they say. Here I go the first refence is "Joe Pirate"
(Ring)
Joe Pirate: Hello?
Interviewer: Hey Im calling becase a Mr Brett has listed you as a reference. How would describe this young gentleman?
Joe: DONT HIRE HIM!!! HE'S A SONOFABITCH.
Brett: Damnit joe!
Joe: Is that him!? FUCK YOU BRETT!! FUCK YOU!
(Click)
Interviewer: wow.. um your next reference is a "mr quotes"
(Ring)
Quotes: Hello?
Interviewer: Do you know a brett?
Quotes: Who?
Interviewer: Brett
(Click)
Interviewer: Well to be honest this isnt going well for you anything you have to say for yourself?
Brett: Yeah Man I dont need this shit! Im an artist I was in John Doe for 2 issues!
Interviewer: John Doe? Whats that?
Brett: Here have a read (hands over the john doe)
(15 mins later)
Interviewer: Now you have crossed the line. I want you to leave.
Brett: Thats fine man I just want to do one thing (grabs a handfull of kleenex and stuffs it into his pocket)
(walks out)
Interviewer: Jesus chirst...john doe (pulls out a bottle of wild turkey.)
(Office door opens)
Brett: Sorry to bother your again (grabs another handfull of kleenex and stuffs it into his pocket)
Interviewer: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!
Godamn.
Well Im going to go now. Have fun kids!
"The room just smells terrible. This is a major first project for you, and it has to be done, and then you have to keep at it. If the room isnt clean by tuesday night, we're going to ask you to leave in a week, and you won't get a chance to clean it after."
Now I love my godparents and I would never intentionally disrespect them but whats up with this"we're going to ask you to leave in a week, and you won't get a chance to clean it after."? If i get kicked out Im not going to come back and beg to clean up the room.
Brett: PLEASE I JUST WANT TO VACUUM!!!
God father: Go away I told you to leave and that you wouldnt have a chance to clean it after you left!
Brett: Just let me come up and dust the room.
brett:...
Brett: JUST LET ME DUST GODAMNIT!!!
Godfather: Thats it im calling the cops. YOU NEED DIRECTION BUDDY!!!
"You have so many throw away lines, I'm not sure what to believe. For example, you said you wanted a job not having to do with people. First of all, with your personality, you should be good at "people" jobs. Anyway, very few jobs are not people jobs, but anyway, if that's what you want, go find it."
My personality eh? I guess im a people person seeing how I can make 500 references to whipping out my penis in a 3 min converstation and some how work into the converstation some perverse sexual story invovling a female relative of yours... Fuck Im wonderfull.
Ah But dont be worried for me, because I know how to read between the lines and get to the meat and patatoes of the letter. Heres my take:
"blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blahblah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah Brett your a godamn Beast legend blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blahblah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah DONT EVER CHANGE
blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blahblah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah You rock!!!
blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah blah Blah blah John Doe Never Funny!
Im just kidding I love my godparents and I cleaned my room and Im working hard to improve the situation. (Thats if there reading this. Just kidding I love you guys!!!)
So hows the job hunt?
Interviewer: Hi well tell me about yourself.
Brett: My name is brett I like fast cars and faster women. I basicly would bang anything. Shit, Id fuck a snake if some one helds its head so it wouldnt bite me.
Interviewer: Interesting anything else?
Brett: Well yeah, Ummmm I pretty dillisional, Kinda like living in a fantasy world and ummm I like drinking beers... Everyday. I believe that beer makes you stronger sir.
Interviewer: ...okay. Well it says here you worked as a knife salesman, Dishwasher, construction. What happened?
Brett: I walked out of the Knife salesman and dishwasher gigs.
Interviewer: uhh what about Baker job it says you had that for years?
Brett: Yeah, I hated that job and on the day I quit i peed in various jars in the refirdgerator
Interviewer: Hahahhah thats funny. What place was this?
Brett: Bagel wich
Interviewer: (Spits out coffee) GODAMNIT!!!! Oh god. OH GoD!!
Brett: Dont worry man that was a year ago. Any more questions?
Interviewer: Yeah at this point in the interview im going to call up your refrences on speaker phone so if they have any comments about your worker ethic you get to learn from what they say. Here I go the first refence is "Joe Pirate"
(Ring)
Joe Pirate: Hello?
Interviewer: Hey Im calling becase a Mr Brett has listed you as a reference. How would describe this young gentleman?
Joe: DONT HIRE HIM!!! HE'S A SONOFABITCH.
Brett: Damnit joe!
Joe: Is that him!? FUCK YOU BRETT!! FUCK YOU!
(Click)
Interviewer: wow.. um your next reference is a "mr quotes"
(Ring)
Quotes: Hello?
Interviewer: Do you know a brett?
Quotes: Who?
Interviewer: Brett
(Click)
Interviewer: Well to be honest this isnt going well for you anything you have to say for yourself?
Brett: Yeah Man I dont need this shit! Im an artist I was in John Doe for 2 issues!
Interviewer: John Doe? Whats that?
Brett: Here have a read (hands over the john doe)
(15 mins later)
Interviewer: Now you have crossed the line. I want you to leave.
Brett: Thats fine man I just want to do one thing (grabs a handfull of kleenex and stuffs it into his pocket)
(walks out)
Interviewer: Jesus chirst...john doe (pulls out a bottle of wild turkey.)
(Office door opens)
Brett: Sorry to bother your again (grabs another handfull of kleenex and stuffs it into his pocket)
Interviewer: GET THE FUCK OUT OF HERE!!!
Godamn.
Well Im going to go now. Have fun kids!