My babbling, let me show it to you
Hello, world! I'm alive!
.
.
.
Yes, still. Don't look so surprised.
Anyway, I'm surprised I didn't miss any birthday in all this time I wasn't around. Well, actually I missed two, but these are from people who don't have my journal friended/suscribed, so I guess my affirmation is still valid :). I still 've been reading, just not posting or commenting; and actually, I've been reading much less than I used to, skipping two or three days completely -- so there are some quite interesting posts here and there I'd have loved to comment to, but I read them too late :(. If you had such a post, think of me as a friendly lurker :D!
As for me, life is quite interesting nowadays. It's elections year, and therefore work has become just a little bit more complicated. As you know, I work for the government. And, well, I hadn't mentioned this before, but the position I hold requires me to step down as soon as the new administration arrives. I knew about this before I left old job for new job (which isn't so new anymore, as I've been on it for 8 months already); I still have until April 2011, and there are way too many things I still want to achieve. Best wishes are very welcomed!
And the future? I'm sure I should be a little more wary, but I guess that being the recipient of about 3, 4 job offers a year for the entire duration of my work life (8 years, already!) has spoiled me a bit; after all, I turned down all of those good offers, and I'm aware some people might refuse to hire me in the future because I didn't choose them. I might also end doing something I don't feel as passionately about, which I've avoided so far, although I know how rare my case is, and how lucky I am.
Fortunately, after I'm done with 2009's taxes I'll have paid all of my family's past debts (including the ones that indirectly killed my father); unfortunately, no-one else in the family has an income at mine's level, although my brother and sister's luck seems to be improving. Now I just have to convince my mother to lower our expenses so I can save a bit more this next year o.O'
It's weird that until now, at age 32, after looking after a family of 6 (now 5) for years, after paying most of my older sister's college's expenses, after covering the debt my father couldn't for a decade and a half, after taking almost full responsibility of a child (without being its mother/father) and a sick elderly parent (without being its only daughter/son) -- it's weird that just now I'll star planning for the future. And not even my future, but my family's.
Me: childfree, asexual, aromantic, schizoid (genderless too, but that's not relevant here and there :P). Me, the one who never wanted (and still doesn't want) to be involved in any kind of relationship, because of the responsibility it entails toward others. Both my father and my mother were in a similar position, having to work from a young age to provide for their siblings -- at least I managed to snatch in the process not only a college degree, but a postgraduate one as well. And then, unlike me, my parents are/were social creatures. And by social I mean they don't think they'd prefer living in Saint-Exupéry Little Prince's little planet. Seriously, just me and a couple baobabs would be nice; ditch the rose, even.
I just want my life to begin :(. I know I'm the lucky one in the family, and I'm grateful because I get paid well for something I mostly enjoy, and because I was gifted with intelligence and so many chances (seriously, some times it feels like life just happens to me). But I haven't really had a vacation in nine years. I've been saving since I was 8 years old. I paid for my education since age 15. All of my income in my whole working career, except for my current savings account and a few expenses on my own, has gone to pay for things for others. Ok, it includes my food, and sheltering, and utilities. But I can safely say that about 10% is me, 5% is savings, and 85% is others.
I want a break.
And yet, I'm aware that I can't blame others for this. It's bad luck, a lousy economy, wrong decisions that weren't wrong to begin with. My brother and sister have never given up, they keep trying again and again. My nephew's father sends money every time he has the chance (not enough to pay for the boy's expenses, but enough so the kid knows he hasn't been forgotten). And my father kept trying stubbornly until the same day he was admitted to the hospital; he never left, so I guess you can say he tried very hard until his last day. So I'll rephrase:
World, please, give us a break.
This entry is also posted at DW.
.
.
.
Yes, still. Don't look so surprised.
Anyway, I'm surprised I didn't miss any birthday in all this time I wasn't around. Well, actually I missed two, but these are from people who don't have my journal friended/suscribed, so I guess my affirmation is still valid :). I still 've been reading, just not posting or commenting; and actually, I've been reading much less than I used to, skipping two or three days completely -- so there are some quite interesting posts here and there I'd have loved to comment to, but I read them too late :(. If you had such a post, think of me as a friendly lurker :D!
As for me, life is quite interesting nowadays. It's elections year, and therefore work has become just a little bit more complicated. As you know, I work for the government. And, well, I hadn't mentioned this before, but the position I hold requires me to step down as soon as the new administration arrives. I knew about this before I left old job for new job (which isn't so new anymore, as I've been on it for 8 months already); I still have until April 2011, and there are way too many things I still want to achieve. Best wishes are very welcomed!
And the future? I'm sure I should be a little more wary, but I guess that being the recipient of about 3, 4 job offers a year for the entire duration of my work life (8 years, already!) has spoiled me a bit; after all, I turned down all of those good offers, and I'm aware some people might refuse to hire me in the future because I didn't choose them. I might also end doing something I don't feel as passionately about, which I've avoided so far, although I know how rare my case is, and how lucky I am.
Fortunately, after I'm done with 2009's taxes I'll have paid all of my family's past debts (including the ones that indirectly killed my father); unfortunately, no-one else in the family has an income at mine's level, although my brother and sister's luck seems to be improving. Now I just have to convince my mother to lower our expenses so I can save a bit more this next year o.O'
It's weird that until now, at age 32, after looking after a family of 6 (now 5) for years, after paying most of my older sister's college's expenses, after covering the debt my father couldn't for a decade and a half, after taking almost full responsibility of a child (without being its mother/father) and a sick elderly parent (without being its only daughter/son) -- it's weird that just now I'll star planning for the future. And not even my future, but my family's.
Me: childfree, asexual, aromantic, schizoid (genderless too, but that's not relevant here and there :P). Me, the one who never wanted (and still doesn't want) to be involved in any kind of relationship, because of the responsibility it entails toward others. Both my father and my mother were in a similar position, having to work from a young age to provide for their siblings -- at least I managed to snatch in the process not only a college degree, but a postgraduate one as well. And then, unlike me, my parents are/were social creatures. And by social I mean they don't think they'd prefer living in Saint-Exupéry Little Prince's little planet. Seriously, just me and a couple baobabs would be nice; ditch the rose, even.
I just want my life to begin :(. I know I'm the lucky one in the family, and I'm grateful because I get paid well for something I mostly enjoy, and because I was gifted with intelligence and so many chances (seriously, some times it feels like life just happens to me). But I haven't really had a vacation in nine years. I've been saving since I was 8 years old. I paid for my education since age 15. All of my income in my whole working career, except for my current savings account and a few expenses on my own, has gone to pay for things for others. Ok, it includes my food, and sheltering, and utilities. But I can safely say that about 10% is me, 5% is savings, and 85% is others.
I want a break.
And yet, I'm aware that I can't blame others for this. It's bad luck, a lousy economy, wrong decisions that weren't wrong to begin with. My brother and sister have never given up, they keep trying again and again. My nephew's father sends money every time he has the chance (not enough to pay for the boy's expenses, but enough so the kid knows he hasn't been forgotten). And my father kept trying stubbornly until the same day he was admitted to the hospital; he never left, so I guess you can say he tried very hard until his last day. So I'll rephrase:
World, please, give us a break.
This entry is also posted at DW.