(no subject)
I guess i don't really use this all that often. Im more of a reader and less of a talker. ...well thats not totally true. usually if i'm talking, it's not about anything important, but the only reason for that is b/c the unimportant stuff is always more fun to talk about. It seems as if people are using this less and less, and i chalk that up to our lives speeding up. The majority of us are in our second year of college, with some exceptions (like me being in my third year, some being in their first, and poor danny waiting to round out the second half of HS).
So where does all the time go? Have we spent it on stuff that truly matters, or only wasted it on what we thought was important at the time, but well... wasn't. Every week i work 25 hours and sit in class for a total of 19. Chewbaklava works something like 40 hours a week, and sits through some outrageously lengthy class that totals about 15 (or more?) a week. Everyone else works full time to support bills, and most go to school too; ie. Andrew at Target, Brewbaker at Buffalo Bros and school, Foote at Southend and school (occasionally), Chuck at Fred A, and Jacob at Buffalo Bros, etc.
What i'm trying to get to (in so many words) is that I'm getting worn down, burnt out, stressed, and it goes on and on. Does anyone else feel this way? On Tuesdays i go to work for a meeting at 8am (meaning i'm up at 7:30), then hop on a conference call at 9am and get to my first class at 10:15am. Class continues from 10:15am until 5:20pm with one 1-hour break for lunch. At 6pm I have work, and get off at 11pm. That's when I eat dinner and try to steal some time to be free of responsibility. Now not every day is that bad, but none are ever just free. I worked this past Sunday from 8am to 4 w/o a break, and instead of hanging out w/ Charlie, Nick, and Andrew (who doesn't really hang out w/ the us anyway), I fell asleep in their recliner. In my opinion, I look like shit b/c I have purple circles under my eyes; a side effect of lack of sleep. I haven't even been able to work out w/ Charlie in some 2-3 weeks b/c i've not had time. One would think that the weekend would be a good chance to catch up, but if I don't go see the people that matter to me (read: my friends) on the weekend, then i will never see them.
My fraternity formal is coming up in November. Siggy's going. Speaking of, i never really told him how awesome it is that he decided to join a fraternity, and on top of that, chose mine. I can tell myself all that i want that my fraternity is different from the other's, but to hear a friend say the same thing, it means a whole lot more. I guess what it comes down to, is that if you're not in a fraternity (sorority's are different, they're about #'s), you just won't understand that it's not about "buying friends." If only you guys were full-time students at State, you'd understand. ...my mind is wandering. The point of this paragraph was to say that I've paid $250 to attend this formal, which is in Nags Head on the Outer Banks. We have 3 beach houses all w/ hot tubs. The room i'm signed up for has a huge bed and what better be a view of the ocean and the sand. My problem: no date. Being so busy I've barely "hung out" or been able to get involved with any girl, let alone any one girl. So when formal comes up, i'm left alone; which has been my state of mind since school started. And if anyone knows me (which all you guys should), i'm a people person, and i thrive off making others laugh. But who's there to laugh if there's no one around?
The worst is by far when my mom calls me to find out if i've changed my schedule to allow for more rest. Everything she tells me i already know; it's unhealthy, it could be dangerous, it amplifies stress, that i will ulitmately pay for it in the end. I can handle my own doubts, but it's different to stop someone else from worrying. The same excuses that I use to tell myself why i can handle a severe lack of sleep don't work for my mom.
Also, there's something bothering me a great deal, and only two people know what it is (if they remember). I'm gonna see how things play out first. If the cards come down, and things go sour, everyone will know. Another side effect of no sleep is that i'm not the same happy-go-lucky person from last year. Things frustrate me now that didn't before. People (even friends now) that used to be able to get away with a lot of shit with me will start to see my breaking point. I've always warned everyone not to make me mad. If shit hits the fan with this, people will know of it.
I don't care who reads that. It's not for most of you anyway. I don't even think i feel better for writing all of it out. but whatever, i'm not going to delete something i spent 30 minutes on.