(no subject)
i came to the library to avoid livejournal. and here i am.
after a couple hours, i got hungry and decided to walk over to jimmy johns. the night is so warm and all the streets are quiet and empty. a couple people on the sidewalk. no cars. i got my sandwich and started walking back to the library.
listening to modest mouse's 'sleepwalking,' i looked up at the sky and tried to find stars. as i approached the tunnel to campus, i saw two homeless guys slowly walking in my direction. instinct- pretend i can't hear them and keep walking, looking down. but i took off my headphones. he asked if i could spare change. i stalled, but pulled out a couple coins. he asked if i had anything bigger so he could buy groceries when he got home. i asked where he lived, and realized i committed. 'over in ypsilanti, but we walk over here to hang out sometimes.' his eyes were looking in opposite directions, i think he was blind in the right eye. i told him i only had that 50 cents. i thought about giving him my sandwich, but my stomach had been growling the last couple hours. a guy and his girlfriend walked by as i kept up my act. i felt embarassed...like the couple thought i 'fell for it.' and then the moral epiphany as they shuffled their feet and i looked around- viewing their perspective. i sat my food down and pulled out a ten dollar bill. i gave it to the other guy, who'd just been standing there in his dirty oversized t-shirt. he looked at me like i was crazy. and then he said, in the most goddamn sincere voice i've ever heard, 'you have a kind heart. you are a good person.' and he even seemed embarrassed. i think we all felt sorry for the whole situation. he brought his prize over to his friend. i said 'have a nice night' and walked away.
i've never done that before. but jesus christ, the look on his face almost made me cry. i really don't care whether or not he buys alcohol with it. those guys seemed so...beaten by life. i wanted to know their story. where it went wrong. i don't care if my donation will just encourage them to keep begging college students for money. i just felt so...undeservedly privileged. i think i made their night.
and that made my night.
edit: you know, my philosophy final starts in a few hours, but i think that experience with the homeless guys was more helpful and applicable than any of the other studying i've done all night (in terms of psychological and ethical egoism, utilitarianism, kantian ethics, and even free will/determinism).
after a couple hours, i got hungry and decided to walk over to jimmy johns. the night is so warm and all the streets are quiet and empty. a couple people on the sidewalk. no cars. i got my sandwich and started walking back to the library.
listening to modest mouse's 'sleepwalking,' i looked up at the sky and tried to find stars. as i approached the tunnel to campus, i saw two homeless guys slowly walking in my direction. instinct- pretend i can't hear them and keep walking, looking down. but i took off my headphones. he asked if i could spare change. i stalled, but pulled out a couple coins. he asked if i had anything bigger so he could buy groceries when he got home. i asked where he lived, and realized i committed. 'over in ypsilanti, but we walk over here to hang out sometimes.' his eyes were looking in opposite directions, i think he was blind in the right eye. i told him i only had that 50 cents. i thought about giving him my sandwich, but my stomach had been growling the last couple hours. a guy and his girlfriend walked by as i kept up my act. i felt embarassed...like the couple thought i 'fell for it.' and then the moral epiphany as they shuffled their feet and i looked around- viewing their perspective. i sat my food down and pulled out a ten dollar bill. i gave it to the other guy, who'd just been standing there in his dirty oversized t-shirt. he looked at me like i was crazy. and then he said, in the most goddamn sincere voice i've ever heard, 'you have a kind heart. you are a good person.' and he even seemed embarrassed. i think we all felt sorry for the whole situation. he brought his prize over to his friend. i said 'have a nice night' and walked away.
i've never done that before. but jesus christ, the look on his face almost made me cry. i really don't care whether or not he buys alcohol with it. those guys seemed so...beaten by life. i wanted to know their story. where it went wrong. i don't care if my donation will just encourage them to keep begging college students for money. i just felt so...undeservedly privileged. i think i made their night.
and that made my night.
edit: you know, my philosophy final starts in a few hours, but i think that experience with the homeless guys was more helpful and applicable than any of the other studying i've done all night (in terms of psychological and ethical egoism, utilitarianism, kantian ethics, and even free will/determinism).