,,,,
why do i always have to fucking complicate things into massive ideas which end up making me feel a million times worse
why do i make myself upset...
im getting very annoyed with it...but i think that's along the same lines
im angry at myself, but that's ok
i think it's ok
maybe it doesn't matter
fuck
i make everything worse and when i screw shit up, it's not cause shit happends, it's cause i make it happen
i can't let things go, and i don;t fucking know when im supposed to, when im told? what the fuck, i duno
whatever, i know this all should'nt be so important, i should be worrying about nigger things, about how my future is gonna be shitty becuase of of the shit im doing/not doing right fucking now,
fuck
i duno
i feel fine
the doctors office called back a few times
my mother and i are fighting again so things are back to the unfortunet "normal" i duno
i want something more for myself, but i duno what to do
i duno how to make things better for myself without fucking myself over
i love neil, he has nothing to do with all this shit and i don't try and rely on him to fucking make it better
i duno
somtimes i kinda feel like i want him mroe than he wants me, but that's just my paranioa
baby, if u read this im not mad at u and im not making a big deal out of it, im not trying to make a deal out of it, so don't worry about it
i want to be a designer, im pretty sure, like, 90-something percent sure
because that's what i love, it's fashion and art...
eveyrthing else, maybe at one point or another, but that's what i want as a " CARRER" big scary word, omgomgomgomg
we're at the library
he didn't get me the cd like he said he would, but im not supposed to pay attention to those things, but i duno
i duno what makies me want the things i do
is ti cause i think they're gonna make me happy?
i don't fucking know
i don't know
im making kids pants at school, and they fucking love them and say they would pay good money for them....which is tight
i wanna be big
i wanna be fucking big
maybe not like, i have to have body-guards big, but still, i wanna be someone, and i think that's fuicking ok?
maybe im wrong, i probably am, but it's what i think...which doesn't mean much...oi
i don't know
maybe it's ok that i duno
im ranting, but this is the only good way to do it, so yes
cause it does annoy people, but it's ok, cause that's what this is for, not for people to read through it and see if i mentioned them, like some minor minor lame ass shot at fame, omg, she wrote about me in her lj, omg
ok, whatever
hmmm
things are gonna straighten out
nothing's like really " bad" right now, i just wanna get some stuff together, yes
why do i make myself upset...
im getting very annoyed with it...but i think that's along the same lines
im angry at myself, but that's ok
i think it's ok
maybe it doesn't matter
fuck
i make everything worse and when i screw shit up, it's not cause shit happends, it's cause i make it happen
i can't let things go, and i don;t fucking know when im supposed to, when im told? what the fuck, i duno
whatever, i know this all should'nt be so important, i should be worrying about nigger things, about how my future is gonna be shitty becuase of of the shit im doing/not doing right fucking now,
fuck
i duno
i feel fine
the doctors office called back a few times
my mother and i are fighting again so things are back to the unfortunet "normal" i duno
i want something more for myself, but i duno what to do
i duno how to make things better for myself without fucking myself over
i love neil, he has nothing to do with all this shit and i don't try and rely on him to fucking make it better
i duno
somtimes i kinda feel like i want him mroe than he wants me, but that's just my paranioa
baby, if u read this im not mad at u and im not making a big deal out of it, im not trying to make a deal out of it, so don't worry about it
i want to be a designer, im pretty sure, like, 90-something percent sure
because that's what i love, it's fashion and art...
eveyrthing else, maybe at one point or another, but that's what i want as a " CARRER" big scary word, omgomgomgomg
we're at the library
he didn't get me the cd like he said he would, but im not supposed to pay attention to those things, but i duno
i duno what makies me want the things i do
is ti cause i think they're gonna make me happy?
i don't fucking know
i don't know
im making kids pants at school, and they fucking love them and say they would pay good money for them....which is tight
i wanna be big
i wanna be fucking big
maybe not like, i have to have body-guards big, but still, i wanna be someone, and i think that's fuicking ok?
maybe im wrong, i probably am, but it's what i think...which doesn't mean much...oi
i don't know
maybe it's ok that i duno
im ranting, but this is the only good way to do it, so yes
cause it does annoy people, but it's ok, cause that's what this is for, not for people to read through it and see if i mentioned them, like some minor minor lame ass shot at fame, omg, she wrote about me in her lj, omg
ok, whatever
hmmm
things are gonna straighten out
nothing's like really " bad" right now, i just wanna get some stuff together, yes