Remix of reiicharu
Title: Like a Million Soapbubbles
Rating: PG-13
Group/Pairing: unrequited KamePi, AkaKameDa
Warnings: angst
Notes: Yamapi, I'm so sorry sorry sorry sorry #dances
Link to Original Story: Like a Million Pieces
Link to Original Writer: reiicharu
Contrary to popular opinion, Kame isn't the type for bubble baths.
He likes the water tinted with pale colours, scented and saturated, but there are never rubber duckies swimming around him, nor is there anything else that could distract him from the comfort of warm water surrounding him.
Except for Yamapi, but Kame likes to make exceptions for him.
Yamapi's bathtub is just the right size for two adults to lie in if they let their feet tangle and don't mind the closeness. Kame doesn't mind the company, nor does he mind the two of them sharing what he likes to keep for himself.
Kame's flavor of the month is vanilla, back to the classics after a long time of sorting through the most exotic scents he could find on the shelves of perfumeries. Yamapi brought back this particular bottle of vanilla from a trip abroad. The label is in English, nothing either of them can read but Kame believes in feelings more than words and it's no secret why he's started caring for English more and more.
The water is just at the right height to lap at Kame's tiny nipples in small waves whenever Yamapi shifts. On his weak days, Yamapi shifts a lot.
Kame sinks a little deeper and their calves brush for a moment before Yamapi politely draws his leg away. He can't remember when he got used to seeing Kame on full display like that: his pale skin, his strong arms, his dick lying soft against his thigh.
Sometimes Kame makes these little noises that sound a bit too much like moans and Yamapi gets hard because Kame is sexy, especially when he isn't trying too hard. Kame ignores those times even though he is very aware of everything around him. He likes to treat Yamapi like a girl would treat her gay best friend and Yamapi wishes he could feel like that because Kame is still with Yamapi's best friend and that taboo should be more than enough to freeze his arousal.
The flesh is weak, especially with organic vanilla enveloping them both.
"How was your day?" Yamapi murmurs because clich�s work well for them.
"Great," Kame says, and, "wonderful."
Jin is in L.A. which is about 5,000 miles away from where Kame needs him.
There are things that Kame doesn't need to say anymore.
They have maybe twenty minutes left until the water goes cold. Kame stares at the ceiling and Yamapi stares at Kame and they both ignore the elephant in the room that keeps nudging their shoulders.
-
Jin gets drunk on loud dance music the way Kame gets drunk on lavender and patchouli in his bathroom. They're oddly similar in all the ways they both don't notice. To Yamapi it's like a slap in the face.
"You know, Ueda?" Jin whispers in Yamapi's ear, 5,000 miles losing everything but the last 0 over the telephone. A few of Jin's American friends are crashing at his apartment and he's trying not to wake them up. He doesn't have to do that in Japan, Yamapi and Ryo can sleep through everything.
"Hn," Yamapi says to show that he's listening. Lying on the bed is terribly distracting when the pillows still smell like Kame's moisturizer.
"I really respect him," Jin says. He swallows. "I'm glad he's not leader anymore, especially not mine, but I could really look up to him when we were younger. That was awesome. I kind of needed that back then."
Yamapi breathes in deeply.
"I mean, we all gave him shit for his hardcore Gackt fanboying, but he still did his thing. I admire that."
Jin's night-time monologues always seem confusing until the words between the lines get more visible.
"He's chill," Jin finally says. It's his new favourite words to express love.
"Did you tell him that?" Yamapi mumbles.
"� sort of," Jin says evasively.
The call ends soon after that.
Yamapi keeps the phone pressed against his ear and tries to ignore the memories of Kame huskily telling him about Ueda and how great he was while Kame and Yamapi drowned themselves in artificial blueberry that annoyed their noses and left traces on Yamapi's sheets for a whole week.
Kame probably never told Ueda that, either. He and Jin are more similar then they think, after all.
-
The first time Kame stepped inside Yamapi's bathtub was only so Yamapi could hide the evidence of what it meant to argue and to make up again, bruises on their knuckles and blood on Kame's face where Yamapi had split his lip, both of them wet from the rain that was kind enough to wash away the manly tears they had cried together on the playground when they had finally settled their feud.
There were bubbles back then, mountains of soap that made Kame's lips sting but made them both feel better about sharing that little space.
Yamapi remembers Kame's skinny frame, his ribs obvious, his face not yet grown into his features.
He didn't think that Kame was beautiful back then and his sniffling was nowhere near sexy, but Kame always had that way of closing his eyes and sinking into the water like he never wanted to be anywhere else that fascinated Yamapi.
When they finally got out of the bathtub it was deep into the night already. Their fingers were wrinkly and their heads dizzy, but the world stopped spinning when they laid down on Yamapi's bed.
The cut on Kame's skin was an angry red and Yamapi brushed his thumb over it without thinking to smooth the pain away.
"I don't really like bubbles," Kame whispered. Yamapi's thumb moved with his mouth.
"I'm sorry," Yamapi answered and they both knew it wasn't really about the bath.
The next morning Jin came over. He drew Kame in his arms and told them both they were idiots for fighting in the first place and they laughed at Jin for pretending to be mature and all was good. But Jin never stopped touching Kame, not even when they were having breakfast that Yamapi's mum made for them, and Kame's soft smile even when Jin kept talking with his mouth full told Yamapi all he needed to know.
-
Kame's visits to Yamapi don't follow a particular pattern. Sometimes Jin will say something weeks later and Yamapi will suddenly realize that Kame came to him after he argued with Jin. It doesn't happen as often as one might think.
Sometimes Kame knocks on Yamapi's door late in the night and they share a bottle of wine before or after or while they soak, sometimes Kame lets himself in with his spare key and waits stretched out in the water for Yamapi to come home. Sometimes, Kame leaves without actually meeting Yamapi.
"You only love me for my bathtub," Yamapi complains once.
Kame gives him a smile that turns to sadness at the edges. Yamapi never says it again.
-
They act like they're best friends with all the confessions they've shared and not-shared over the years, but if it wasn't for Jin, they wouldn't feel so close.
When Yamapi's feeling stretched in too many directions at once he sometimes wonders if being Kame's go-to isn't upsetting the sacred philosophy of bros before hos. He isn't sure if Kame isn't one of the bros as well. Maybe Jin is his ho. Yamapi never dared to ask.
-
Kame starts talking about Ueda on the day they film the PV for Keep the faith. They're basking in the sweet aroma of ripe strawberries and Kame's all off-handed and blunt like it's no big deal at all. He is like that sometimes, when he cares too much.
What Kame says is: "Jin kissed Ueda today."
The strawberry bath oil has tinted the water pale pink. It looks tantalizing on Kame's collarbones.
"Yeah? And what did you do?" Yamapi asks, just as off-handedly though he has to try much harder than Kame to sound nonchalant.
Kame licks his lips. "I waited until he was done and then I kissed Ueda, too."
From that moment on, Yamapi always associates Ueda with strawberries. It doesn't really fit past the first glance at Ueda's just as sugary-sweet smile, but it's still the first thing Yamapi thinks of when Kame talks about his band mate.
-
Yamapi doesn't judge, he just offers a brotherly shoulder for Jin to lean on and a shelf full of ridiculous scents for Kame to choose. He doesn't have anything for Ueda but he hopes that by supporting two sides of a triangle he can help those two support the third side themselves.
It doesn't always work.
"Tatsuya left before I woke up," Kame says in a pool of imported rose oil one day. Yamapi had set candles around the tub and Kame is fascinatedly watching the flames flicker on the water.
Yamapi knows all about how much emptier Kame's bed feels with just the two of them sharing it, how cold Ueda gets at night and how there's just not enough heat to warm them both without Jin between or around them. Every word is a little stab to his heart but the years have softened the blows. Yamapi has always been living with Kame loving Jin more than anything else. He wonders if Ueda manages, too.
"Work?" Yamapi asks quietly.
"Day off," Kame says with just a slight trace of jealousy in his voice. He loves his work but there are things he loves more.
They stay in the water until Kame gets bored with the endlessly flickering lights.
"Can I stay here tonight?" Kame asks.
It will become their next tradition, Kame curled up on Yamapi's bed while Yamapi waits for clouds to move in front of the moon so he won't be able to focus on Kame's calm features anymore.
Kame never lies in Yamapi's arms. It's someone else's job to hold him.
-
Kame starts leaving things at Yamapi's. Scarves he likes, a pair of glasses that steam up in the bath, a hairband with a pink skull charm.
Yamapi likes to watch Kame's stuff hang over his favourite armchair all week until Kame comes over again to soak in Yamapi's tub and pretend that the elephant isn't still standing there. When Kame goes, his things go too, but something else always follows. Yamapi takes it as a token of Kame's affection even though he knows that he's prone to wishful thinking. He still cherishes the trinkets.
One day Kame leaves behind sheets of paper on the coffee table. Yamapi doesn't mean to pry, but Kame's never minded Yamapi appreciating his things.
It's a flight reservation to L.A.
-
"What were you two thinking?" Yamapi shouts at Ueda who is too calm and too understanding. He can't believe that Jin and Kame have been seeing each other like that without anyone knowing, without Yamapi knowing. He distantly realizes that Ueda's with them, too, that he's been in L.A. with Jin while Kame splashed in Yamapi's bathroom, but as much as he generally likes the guy, Yamapi is supporting two sides of the triangle and it's hard enough already.
"It�s our business, not yours," Ueda says and Yamapi sees red, because it is so totally his business when Kame cries bitter tears into coloured water and Jin sometimes sounds drunk on loneliness more than anything else.
Yamapi tries to focus on only mentioning Jin because as far as Ueda's concerned, Yamapi is Jin's best friend.
"You three are going to get burnt and no one can put you back together," he hisses because triangles are not that stable by themselves.
Ueda doesn't need to know that the papers were in Yamapi's apartment not even half an hour ago or that Kame likes to leave his things all over the place because he feels secure in Yamapi's company.
"Ueda, please", Yamapi says finally. He doesn't even know what he expects Ueda to do and he doesn't expect the other man to know, either.
He doesn't wait for Kame to come home.
-
Yamapi doesn't hear from Kame for a week and he grudgingly ends up throwing way too many different oils into the water. The scent is like Countdown � many things that shouldn't necessarily mix but are fun together anyway.
He stares at the other end of the bathtub where Kame usually sits and slowly stretches his feet out until they surface on the other side. It feels too free without Kame there.
When he finally leaves the water he finds a message on his answering machine.
It's Kame, carefree and happy, with two different but familiar voices laughing in the background, the screech of a guitar.
"They have bathtubs in L.A. too, you know?"
Someone starts playing the opening chords to Kizuna in the background just before the message cuts off.
Kame has rather special ways of saying that he's fine, that Yamapi doesn't need to worry. He cares a lot. All three of them do.
Yamapi goes to bed with the cluster of scents still in his nose.
It's the calmest sleep he's had in months.
Rating: PG-13
Group/Pairing: unrequited KamePi, AkaKameDa
Warnings: angst
Notes: Yamapi, I'm so sorry sorry sorry sorry #dances
Link to Original Story: Like a Million Pieces
Link to Original Writer: reiicharu
Contrary to popular opinion, Kame isn't the type for bubble baths.
He likes the water tinted with pale colours, scented and saturated, but there are never rubber duckies swimming around him, nor is there anything else that could distract him from the comfort of warm water surrounding him.
Except for Yamapi, but Kame likes to make exceptions for him.
Yamapi's bathtub is just the right size for two adults to lie in if they let their feet tangle and don't mind the closeness. Kame doesn't mind the company, nor does he mind the two of them sharing what he likes to keep for himself.
Kame's flavor of the month is vanilla, back to the classics after a long time of sorting through the most exotic scents he could find on the shelves of perfumeries. Yamapi brought back this particular bottle of vanilla from a trip abroad. The label is in English, nothing either of them can read but Kame believes in feelings more than words and it's no secret why he's started caring for English more and more.
The water is just at the right height to lap at Kame's tiny nipples in small waves whenever Yamapi shifts. On his weak days, Yamapi shifts a lot.
Kame sinks a little deeper and their calves brush for a moment before Yamapi politely draws his leg away. He can't remember when he got used to seeing Kame on full display like that: his pale skin, his strong arms, his dick lying soft against his thigh.
Sometimes Kame makes these little noises that sound a bit too much like moans and Yamapi gets hard because Kame is sexy, especially when he isn't trying too hard. Kame ignores those times even though he is very aware of everything around him. He likes to treat Yamapi like a girl would treat her gay best friend and Yamapi wishes he could feel like that because Kame is still with Yamapi's best friend and that taboo should be more than enough to freeze his arousal.
The flesh is weak, especially with organic vanilla enveloping them both.
"How was your day?" Yamapi murmurs because clich�s work well for them.
"Great," Kame says, and, "wonderful."
Jin is in L.A. which is about 5,000 miles away from where Kame needs him.
There are things that Kame doesn't need to say anymore.
They have maybe twenty minutes left until the water goes cold. Kame stares at the ceiling and Yamapi stares at Kame and they both ignore the elephant in the room that keeps nudging their shoulders.
-
Jin gets drunk on loud dance music the way Kame gets drunk on lavender and patchouli in his bathroom. They're oddly similar in all the ways they both don't notice. To Yamapi it's like a slap in the face.
"You know, Ueda?" Jin whispers in Yamapi's ear, 5,000 miles losing everything but the last 0 over the telephone. A few of Jin's American friends are crashing at his apartment and he's trying not to wake them up. He doesn't have to do that in Japan, Yamapi and Ryo can sleep through everything.
"Hn," Yamapi says to show that he's listening. Lying on the bed is terribly distracting when the pillows still smell like Kame's moisturizer.
"I really respect him," Jin says. He swallows. "I'm glad he's not leader anymore, especially not mine, but I could really look up to him when we were younger. That was awesome. I kind of needed that back then."
Yamapi breathes in deeply.
"I mean, we all gave him shit for his hardcore Gackt fanboying, but he still did his thing. I admire that."
Jin's night-time monologues always seem confusing until the words between the lines get more visible.
"He's chill," Jin finally says. It's his new favourite words to express love.
"Did you tell him that?" Yamapi mumbles.
"� sort of," Jin says evasively.
The call ends soon after that.
Yamapi keeps the phone pressed against his ear and tries to ignore the memories of Kame huskily telling him about Ueda and how great he was while Kame and Yamapi drowned themselves in artificial blueberry that annoyed their noses and left traces on Yamapi's sheets for a whole week.
Kame probably never told Ueda that, either. He and Jin are more similar then they think, after all.
-
The first time Kame stepped inside Yamapi's bathtub was only so Yamapi could hide the evidence of what it meant to argue and to make up again, bruises on their knuckles and blood on Kame's face where Yamapi had split his lip, both of them wet from the rain that was kind enough to wash away the manly tears they had cried together on the playground when they had finally settled their feud.
There were bubbles back then, mountains of soap that made Kame's lips sting but made them both feel better about sharing that little space.
Yamapi remembers Kame's skinny frame, his ribs obvious, his face not yet grown into his features.
He didn't think that Kame was beautiful back then and his sniffling was nowhere near sexy, but Kame always had that way of closing his eyes and sinking into the water like he never wanted to be anywhere else that fascinated Yamapi.
When they finally got out of the bathtub it was deep into the night already. Their fingers were wrinkly and their heads dizzy, but the world stopped spinning when they laid down on Yamapi's bed.
The cut on Kame's skin was an angry red and Yamapi brushed his thumb over it without thinking to smooth the pain away.
"I don't really like bubbles," Kame whispered. Yamapi's thumb moved with his mouth.
"I'm sorry," Yamapi answered and they both knew it wasn't really about the bath.
The next morning Jin came over. He drew Kame in his arms and told them both they were idiots for fighting in the first place and they laughed at Jin for pretending to be mature and all was good. But Jin never stopped touching Kame, not even when they were having breakfast that Yamapi's mum made for them, and Kame's soft smile even when Jin kept talking with his mouth full told Yamapi all he needed to know.
-
Kame's visits to Yamapi don't follow a particular pattern. Sometimes Jin will say something weeks later and Yamapi will suddenly realize that Kame came to him after he argued with Jin. It doesn't happen as often as one might think.
Sometimes Kame knocks on Yamapi's door late in the night and they share a bottle of wine before or after or while they soak, sometimes Kame lets himself in with his spare key and waits stretched out in the water for Yamapi to come home. Sometimes, Kame leaves without actually meeting Yamapi.
"You only love me for my bathtub," Yamapi complains once.
Kame gives him a smile that turns to sadness at the edges. Yamapi never says it again.
-
They act like they're best friends with all the confessions they've shared and not-shared over the years, but if it wasn't for Jin, they wouldn't feel so close.
When Yamapi's feeling stretched in too many directions at once he sometimes wonders if being Kame's go-to isn't upsetting the sacred philosophy of bros before hos. He isn't sure if Kame isn't one of the bros as well. Maybe Jin is his ho. Yamapi never dared to ask.
-
Kame starts talking about Ueda on the day they film the PV for Keep the faith. They're basking in the sweet aroma of ripe strawberries and Kame's all off-handed and blunt like it's no big deal at all. He is like that sometimes, when he cares too much.
What Kame says is: "Jin kissed Ueda today."
The strawberry bath oil has tinted the water pale pink. It looks tantalizing on Kame's collarbones.
"Yeah? And what did you do?" Yamapi asks, just as off-handedly though he has to try much harder than Kame to sound nonchalant.
Kame licks his lips. "I waited until he was done and then I kissed Ueda, too."
From that moment on, Yamapi always associates Ueda with strawberries. It doesn't really fit past the first glance at Ueda's just as sugary-sweet smile, but it's still the first thing Yamapi thinks of when Kame talks about his band mate.
-
Yamapi doesn't judge, he just offers a brotherly shoulder for Jin to lean on and a shelf full of ridiculous scents for Kame to choose. He doesn't have anything for Ueda but he hopes that by supporting two sides of a triangle he can help those two support the third side themselves.
It doesn't always work.
"Tatsuya left before I woke up," Kame says in a pool of imported rose oil one day. Yamapi had set candles around the tub and Kame is fascinatedly watching the flames flicker on the water.
Yamapi knows all about how much emptier Kame's bed feels with just the two of them sharing it, how cold Ueda gets at night and how there's just not enough heat to warm them both without Jin between or around them. Every word is a little stab to his heart but the years have softened the blows. Yamapi has always been living with Kame loving Jin more than anything else. He wonders if Ueda manages, too.
"Work?" Yamapi asks quietly.
"Day off," Kame says with just a slight trace of jealousy in his voice. He loves his work but there are things he loves more.
They stay in the water until Kame gets bored with the endlessly flickering lights.
"Can I stay here tonight?" Kame asks.
It will become their next tradition, Kame curled up on Yamapi's bed while Yamapi waits for clouds to move in front of the moon so he won't be able to focus on Kame's calm features anymore.
Kame never lies in Yamapi's arms. It's someone else's job to hold him.
-
Kame starts leaving things at Yamapi's. Scarves he likes, a pair of glasses that steam up in the bath, a hairband with a pink skull charm.
Yamapi likes to watch Kame's stuff hang over his favourite armchair all week until Kame comes over again to soak in Yamapi's tub and pretend that the elephant isn't still standing there. When Kame goes, his things go too, but something else always follows. Yamapi takes it as a token of Kame's affection even though he knows that he's prone to wishful thinking. He still cherishes the trinkets.
One day Kame leaves behind sheets of paper on the coffee table. Yamapi doesn't mean to pry, but Kame's never minded Yamapi appreciating his things.
It's a flight reservation to L.A.
-
"What were you two thinking?" Yamapi shouts at Ueda who is too calm and too understanding. He can't believe that Jin and Kame have been seeing each other like that without anyone knowing, without Yamapi knowing. He distantly realizes that Ueda's with them, too, that he's been in L.A. with Jin while Kame splashed in Yamapi's bathroom, but as much as he generally likes the guy, Yamapi is supporting two sides of the triangle and it's hard enough already.
"It�s our business, not yours," Ueda says and Yamapi sees red, because it is so totally his business when Kame cries bitter tears into coloured water and Jin sometimes sounds drunk on loneliness more than anything else.
Yamapi tries to focus on only mentioning Jin because as far as Ueda's concerned, Yamapi is Jin's best friend.
"You three are going to get burnt and no one can put you back together," he hisses because triangles are not that stable by themselves.
Ueda doesn't need to know that the papers were in Yamapi's apartment not even half an hour ago or that Kame likes to leave his things all over the place because he feels secure in Yamapi's company.
"Ueda, please", Yamapi says finally. He doesn't even know what he expects Ueda to do and he doesn't expect the other man to know, either.
He doesn't wait for Kame to come home.
-
Yamapi doesn't hear from Kame for a week and he grudgingly ends up throwing way too many different oils into the water. The scent is like Countdown � many things that shouldn't necessarily mix but are fun together anyway.
He stares at the other end of the bathtub where Kame usually sits and slowly stretches his feet out until they surface on the other side. It feels too free without Kame there.
When he finally leaves the water he finds a message on his answering machine.
It's Kame, carefree and happy, with two different but familiar voices laughing in the background, the screech of a guitar.
"They have bathtubs in L.A. too, you know?"
Someone starts playing the opening chords to Kizuna in the background just before the message cuts off.
Kame has rather special ways of saying that he's fine, that Yamapi doesn't need to worry. He cares a lot. All three of them do.
Yamapi goes to bed with the cluster of scents still in his nose.
It's the calmest sleep he's had in months.