and the sky opened up with the soil of the sun
lately i've been doing a lot of thinking about my vocation. and here's the truth that i'm honestly hesitant to talk about. i think i'm hesitant to talk about it with friends or family because their opinions affect me. i'll admit it. i care about what my family and friends think, even though i know i should only be concerned about what God thinks. alright, i think that's enough beating around the bush or "beating the boosh" haha.
two things.
*one: i went to the Lenten Retreat a few Sundays ago. i got to talk to Sister Mae and (i think) Mother Agnes. When Mother Agnes told me that i should join SITH i unconsciously automatically responded, "i will." that was... an interesting moment.
*two: the more i pray everyday, the more i feel in my heart that i am more than likely being called to the religious life. i can feel a desire in my heart that yearns to serve God by giving myself completely to Him without attachments to this world.
people keep asking me "what are you going to do after college," or sometimes, "what do you want to do after college?" there is a difference between "what are you going to do after college" and "what do you want to do after college." what i'm going to do... look for a job while working at taps til i find another job or until the summer is over. i need the job cus i have to pay for my school loans in addition to my other bills. what i want to do... i want to visit dover and maybe just maybe start a life there and be a part of the SITH (Secular Institute of the Two Hearts).
maybe i'm not called to that vocation. maybe i am. i'm just afraid that if i am... i'll have all this debt to pay and it will keep me from permanently staying. maybe i'm not cut out for that way of life. maybe i don't have what it takes. i know that some people don't take me seriously when i have these thoughts, but if i could... if i could pay off all my debts, i would leave in an instant. i can even hear the negative thoughts in my mind telling me that i'm just fooling myself.. that i'm not called to the religious life.. who am i kidding? or maybe that's just Satan trying to prevent me from giving myself to God.
i remember when i couldn't imagine myself living a different vocation other than marriage. now it seems to me that marriage might not be right for me. you must be thinking, "jen, you don't even have a boyfriend. what are u talking about? why are you even thinking about marriage? you're far from it." maybe i'm far from it because God is making it easier for me and setting me up for the religious life. i dunno. i'm not sure what God has planned for me, but i'm open to whatever it is.
two things.
*one: i went to the Lenten Retreat a few Sundays ago. i got to talk to Sister Mae and (i think) Mother Agnes. When Mother Agnes told me that i should join SITH i unconsciously automatically responded, "i will." that was... an interesting moment.
*two: the more i pray everyday, the more i feel in my heart that i am more than likely being called to the religious life. i can feel a desire in my heart that yearns to serve God by giving myself completely to Him without attachments to this world.
people keep asking me "what are you going to do after college," or sometimes, "what do you want to do after college?" there is a difference between "what are you going to do after college" and "what do you want to do after college." what i'm going to do... look for a job while working at taps til i find another job or until the summer is over. i need the job cus i have to pay for my school loans in addition to my other bills. what i want to do... i want to visit dover and maybe just maybe start a life there and be a part of the SITH (Secular Institute of the Two Hearts).
maybe i'm not called to that vocation. maybe i am. i'm just afraid that if i am... i'll have all this debt to pay and it will keep me from permanently staying. maybe i'm not cut out for that way of life. maybe i don't have what it takes. i know that some people don't take me seriously when i have these thoughts, but if i could... if i could pay off all my debts, i would leave in an instant. i can even hear the negative thoughts in my mind telling me that i'm just fooling myself.. that i'm not called to the religious life.. who am i kidding? or maybe that's just Satan trying to prevent me from giving myself to God.
i remember when i couldn't imagine myself living a different vocation other than marriage. now it seems to me that marriage might not be right for me. you must be thinking, "jen, you don't even have a boyfriend. what are u talking about? why are you even thinking about marriage? you're far from it." maybe i'm far from it because God is making it easier for me and setting me up for the religious life. i dunno. i'm not sure what God has planned for me, but i'm open to whatever it is.