it's a typical situation
I've been lj dormant. Wake me up. Nicely. Not with big loud noises.
It's been said already. I don't know what to do with my life.
I should know by now. I've been out of college for a year. I should know. Something should inspire me when I think of waking up every morning and going to work. Something specific. The fact that I've been absolutely worthless for 3 weeks doesn't help. Because I like having to think of something to do. Laundry? mmmm ok. Felicity? Sounds good. Work out? I think so. For the last two nights, I've had 12 hours of sleep. I couldn't go on like this forever. I need to feel somewhat useful. But I think my definition of useful is changing.
Academia is not my favorite option at the moment. I'm tired of test scores and admission rates and all the crap reminding me why I'm not quite good enough. Maybe it would all be ok if I wasn't so hard-headed. All the crap hasn't done a great job of convincing me... because I still know I'm good enough. It's all just arbitrary. The GRE scores and the connections.
I'm just bitter and automatically skeptical of any situation where I'm not in control of what comes next. I think I have much lower self-esteem than this entry conveys. It comes across as stubborn and narcissistic but it's sort of a lie.
So. What? Just suck it up. Enjoy being dormant. In the meantime, figure out what to do then do it. Easy as pie.
Right.
I'll figure it out. No worries. I hate that I only open the lj update page to complain these days. Sorry about that. What's good? Lots of things. I'm a pookie. I like that. And I like animals and recliners and Felicity and running a whole mile without stopping and division 3 and pictures and good beer and riding in the car and laughing. It's all good.
Dinner time.
It's been said already. I don't know what to do with my life.
I should know by now. I've been out of college for a year. I should know. Something should inspire me when I think of waking up every morning and going to work. Something specific. The fact that I've been absolutely worthless for 3 weeks doesn't help. Because I like having to think of something to do. Laundry? mmmm ok. Felicity? Sounds good. Work out? I think so. For the last two nights, I've had 12 hours of sleep. I couldn't go on like this forever. I need to feel somewhat useful. But I think my definition of useful is changing.
Academia is not my favorite option at the moment. I'm tired of test scores and admission rates and all the crap reminding me why I'm not quite good enough. Maybe it would all be ok if I wasn't so hard-headed. All the crap hasn't done a great job of convincing me... because I still know I'm good enough. It's all just arbitrary. The GRE scores and the connections.
I'm just bitter and automatically skeptical of any situation where I'm not in control of what comes next. I think I have much lower self-esteem than this entry conveys. It comes across as stubborn and narcissistic but it's sort of a lie.
So. What? Just suck it up. Enjoy being dormant. In the meantime, figure out what to do then do it. Easy as pie.
Right.
I'll figure it out. No worries. I hate that I only open the lj update page to complain these days. Sorry about that. What's good? Lots of things. I'm a pookie. I like that. And I like animals and recliners and Felicity and running a whole mile without stopping and division 3 and pictures and good beer and riding in the car and laughing. It's all good.
Dinner time.